Article: Learning Is Supposed to Feel Uncomfortable
I wrote the UFE twice, in the summer of 2000 and 2001. I failed both times. That failure meant a pivot for my whole career, and led me to a period of darkness because I was now a HUGE FAILURE.
When I think back to my career between 2001-2014, I have at least one big regret -- not continuing to learn. I leaned so much into my "self-taught IT" status that I partially used it as an excuse for not knowing what to train in, where to begin, where to go, etc. I did have a problem figuring things out, but I could have taken something, ANYTHING. I pigeon-holed myself. Sure, I was great at this one small POS system, but it was very niche and difficult to find another job with that specific a skill. I also didn't know how to translate that into anything that made me sound hirable.
After that many years in the job, the decisions management made, and my own personal crises, I was miserable and on the verge of a breakdown. I let it get bad enough that something had to give. I knew I needed some more marketable skills, but I didn't (and still don't, really) know what I want to be when I grow up. My younger brother had gotten his PMP, it was all the rage at the time and would be something substantial to show a big effort on my resume. I had to do *something*, take some kind of move to make things be less miserable. And no, I didn't come to this conclusion on my own.
I started off in Oct 2014 taking a course in IT Project Management, just to get a feel for what it would be about. That went well enough. I wasn't sure that I wanted to be a full-time project manager, but it was visible and prestigious enough to get my resume noticed and maybe get my foot in the door. As a bonus I could actually learn something useful along the way. Needing to keep the ball rolling, I signed up for a PMP bootcamp in Toronto for a week.
Keep in mind that studying is my superpower. I am an excellent student. I can study and pass anything (except the UFE). This boot camp had someone in tears in the women's bathroom at least once every day, me included. I even went back to the hotel room at night and cried and/or freaked out. My younger brother came to visit me and I think that might be the only time he's ever seen me in that bad shape (he has a lot of health issues, I was used to seeing him as the one in trouble). I got to the end of the week, and the instructor identified me as one of the people who could write the exam soon and pass. I took that as a green light.
I wanted to keep the momentum, so I set a goal of writing the exam by the end of February. I didn't have kids or major responsibilities, so I was able to dedicate my non-working hours to studying. The actual sit down with textbooks and paper and no distractions type of studying. While my husband got to sit upstairs and watch TV. Every night I had to go downstairs and study and stick to my timeline. It was hard. I cried more than once. I didn't think I could do it. A lot of times I regretted ever deciding to do this in the first place; there was no guarantee that I would get a better job out of it and I didn't even want to be a full-time PM. I still had to go to work during the day, which was a miserable place to be by then, and then spend every night studying.
Back before Covid hit and many things were made available online, the PMP exam had to be written in person at a testing centre. My closest choices were Halifax or Bangor. Given my history with Halifax, which contributed to my HUGE FAILURE last time, there was no way I was going to jinx this by going there. That left Bangor. So I booked the exam and my husband drove down with me. The day we drove down was a snowstorm, and we ended up stuck in a snowbank in Calais for a brief period of time, but thankfully it was in a well-traveled area and someone stopped to help. Here's hoping that's all the bad luck I was in for on this trip.
So much was riding on this exam. I felt that if I didn't pass it, I was going to have a huge hit to my ego. I hadn't done anything this major since the UFE, so if I failed again, I'm not sure what mental snap would have happened. Plus I literally did not know what else I could do to jumpstart my career. I put all my mental eggs into this one basket. It had to pay off.
Thankfully, it did. I passed. I got what I think was the equivalent of a C. I think it said I was "moderately competent" but the important thing was that I had passed and now had a credential to put after my name. By this point, I was adult enough to know that nobody cares what grade you got on a test anymore. I remember sitting at the stall and the PC displayed my results and I think I gasped.
The plan as a whole also worked. The PMP got me noticed by my current employer, who seemed to like my interview even though I wasn't as technical a person as they needed. Until 4 months ago, I was even still in that same job.
The experience was more than "uncomfortable," it was hell. I still don't quite know how I got through it successfully, other than I didn't have any room for failure, but as I had already experienced, sometimes it doesn't matter how hard I try. I studied and wrote the PMP exam in a 6 weeks while having mental health issues. That means even more if you've ever studied for and taken the PMP exam yourself.
Out of all of that, the lesson learned was to not stop learning. Don't be lazy and rely on what your current knowledge is, because that might become irrelevant. Don't be afraid to tackle something new and out of your comfort zone. You will look like a n00b and probably feel like an idiot. But we aren't born with every skill being innate. It was ok to be a kid and learn in school, it is still ok to be an adult learning, too.
I promised myself after the PMP experience that I wouldn't leave a 14 year gap in learning, and I have kept that promise. My current employer doesn't require certifications, but I pushed myself to get them. It keeps me from being rusty with serious study mode, and it also helps solidify the information. Watching a video for me is in one ear, out the other. Last year had a lot of studying for me, I gained a cert in ITIL Foundation which was a fairly substantial one, and then participated in a Beta test for further ITIL courses that resulted in another cert toward the next ITIL level, whether I decide to pursue it or not, at least it's there.
I'm not sure what to plan for 2024, but at the very least I will keep myself engaged, attend some webinars, try to find something relevant to my new position. The key is to continue learning, pushing past that fear and uncomfortable sensation, and to try and make it both relevant and interesting.
