Scolded like a child

I went to the doctor today to see about my foot. While I was there, I had 3 other issues to discuss, so 4 in total.

After issue #2, I pulled out my sticky note to remind myself to ask about the other two issues. My doctor sat there and saw me do that, and I commented out loud that I had to write down what I wanted to ask her so I wouldn't forget. She smiled and muttered something I didn't catch.

After issue #4, she was annoyed. She said I had presented my issues so as to leave the most important to the end. At first I thought she was joking or being lighthearted, because the fact that I CAN'T WALK very well IS the most important thing (to me). She continued on and I realized she was actually scolding me said she wanted me to present my issues in the order that was most important to her. She said if I am going to come in with multiple issues, I need to make a list and then she can determine what is the most serious. After that, she couldn't get out of the room fast enough, and I still had questions on whether she or I would make referral appointments. She said, do you want to make this one yourself? Ok, you can make it yourself, and scrawled out the slip. I then confirmed that she was going to make the other referral appointment, by this time she had the door half shut and was visibly annoyed that I was still taking up her time. I never did get to ask what the process was for getting the x-ray on my foot.

I asked at the desk, and the secretary told me that it takes 2 weeks for them to get the results. She then booked me in for an appointment to go over results, for Feb. 26. 5 weeks is the soonest I can get back in. A lot of good that does for finding out what I did to my foot. I wasted a lot of time, missed an important meeting, to be told there wasn't anything I could do for my foot and get scolded for not thinking like a doctor. Wow. That's great medicine.

I'm tired of doing doctors' jobs for them. A patient is supposed to tell their doctor their symptoms, and the doctor is supposed to be the one to try and diagnose the problem. I find too often lately I have to go in with what I think is a diagnosis in order to get any kind of treatment, otherwise I get the "we'll keep an eye on it" bullshit.

I was always taught to be polite. I also strive to follow the rule to treat others as I would want to be treated. But quite frankly, I am sick and tired of being walked on and put down. The problem is, it takes me a while to react to what happens. I was so stunned at the time that I didn't think or couldn't process to spit out the fact that I did have a list, and she heard me say that I did. I was too busy accepting my scolding to argue back and stand up for myself. That is the most annoying thing of all about what happened today, that I let someone walk all over me again, just like I always do. I want to change that, but I don't know how. It's one of those things that is fundamental to me, and working in a professional environment hasn't helped. I spend most days stuffing down the comments I want to say to stupid people I have to deal with because it's "not professional". When I do get angry enough to argue with someone, it never gets me anywhere, as I can't think quickly enough on my feet to debate with them. I aggravate myself.

Maybe someday I will learn to stand up for myself. I know I need to, but it just hasn't been able to come out in practice yet. I hope having a husband who has mastered the art of polite arguing will eventually rub off on me. I need to somehow get better at this.