Heavy

I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders again. I go through phases where, if I pay too much attention to current events, it will send me into a tailspin of depression. It seems like everywhere I turn there is bad news of varying degrees. Our stove broke this week, forcing us to spend $1100 we weren't expecting (but thankfully had savings to cover). A micro issue compared to hunger in the Horn of Africa, some of my co-workers losing their jobs, my near-bankrupt city, cruise ships falling over and people dying, massive landslides in Colombia... the list goes on.

I like to think that I'm a caring person. I want to help people. I love the feeling of doing good in someone else's life, of making a difference. But sometimes I feel like the scene from JCS where the people are clamoring for him, and he just can't help everyone, and it becomes overwhelming.

The only way I survive sometimes is to tune it out. This makes me look uninformed, immature, and selfish. What people don't understand is the magnitude of how I internalize these problems, and yes, allow them to overwhelm me. But if I don't, then I don't care, and that isn't good either. I either suck for not caring, or suck for not becoming an aid worker. Kind of a lose-lose situation. No wonder I can get depressed from it.

I'm reminded of May from the Secret Life of Bees, and her wailing wall. I could probably use one of those.