Why is it that, when you are single, it seems like every person you meet in whom you have the slightest interest is married?
I thought I'd make this its own post.
The older you get, the more often seems to occur. It's as though if you haven't met someone who is marriage material by the time you're 25-ish, forget it, because the rest of your dating pool is attached or getting married. I thought I had done that, having met my ex at 24, spending 4 years together and figuring I "had it made". Alas, I am now single again, and the dating pool appears to be a wasteland. Especially for someone like me who is often told that any guy would be lucky to have me... but no one is feeling lucky enough to roll the dice on me. Add to that the things I am looking for and I think you see why I am skeptical that I will ever find someone.
Maybe the Jane Austen-esque idea of someone my age being an old maid is not that far-fetched.
My older brother is an exception, not having been married before, he'll be 34 in a couple of months and will be officially engaged soon. I tend to think it is different for a guy though, there are lots of women out there looking to "settle down". Not as many good guys out there who are willing to do the same, who wouldn't refer to it as being "tied down".
This myth about Home Depot being a great place to meet men? Crap! Any men I've ever seen at Home Depot are married. I need a single girl's Home Depot. Any chance that can be a new marketing tool?
Despite my negativity, I continue my quest. When I picture myself in the future, I don't picture myself alone. I won't give up until that vision changes. There has to be someone out there who would find me just as fascinating as I find them. There has to be.
5 comments:
Equally crap-- meeting single women in the fruits/vegetable aisle of the grocery store.
I've decided to suspend my quest for the right woman. My quirkiness is, apparently, too much for most women. Maybe I can get away with the "Confirmed Bachelor" title-- however, I always suspected that was just a polite way to say "gay" back in the day. Maybe I'll just stick with single.
And, maybe if I'm not actively seeking her, she can find me?
i dunno, liz, i was single for a long time there (as you recall...) because, well, i'm pretty picky. but then i met scott and decided to settle for what was around...
no, i'm joking.
but i think it's something you have to be ready for on a personal level. you have to be comfortable with yourself - you don't want to lose yourself in a relationship, in someone else's idea of who you are and what you want. and without sounding like the plot of runaway bride how can you do that if you don't know yourself first? and besides, it isn't fair to burden someone else with the need to construct your identity, you need to bring that to the relationship yourself.
another pitfall to avoid is the overburdening of friendships or dates with expectations of relationshipness. just have fun. see where it goes, if anywhere. but take care of yourself first.
and yeah, when you're ready, be ready. it can blindside you something fierce. like a mack truck. or like that bus hitting that guy in that episode of felicity.
I met Anthony when I was determined to be single. I didn't want a relationship, but I found one anyway. Love finds you, not the other way around.
Take the time to just enjoy being single. It really can be fun; I had a blast. Flirt. Give cuties smiles while peering up with downswept lashes (a la Nicole Kidman). Check men out like they check out you.
You'd think after 29.5 years I'd know myself. But I don't.
Guilty as charged for the melding into someone else's idea of who I should be. I have always been a conformist, always wanted to do whatever I could to be accepted, which usually included changing some part of myself. Not sure if I know how not to.
This is where things get dicey. There will always be compromise because no 2 people are identical. So how do you compromise without settling/conforming? It appears an impossible task. There will always be some give in that equation.
I'm not there yet. I've come a long way but I still need more time to get my head on straight. I know this. It doesn't mean I have to like it. But I do need to smarten up and not fight that so much.
well, you've got to know what you want. and how can you know what you want if you don't know who you are?
it takes time. i know you don't like being alone, and that really sucks. it does. but you've got great friends, a bitchin' house with a wonderfully decorated living room, and an addiction to blogs... so really, you've got a support system in place while you find out who you are and what you want next.
we got your back. that's what friends do.
that and drink your house rum.
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