Scared

Another new year, and I begin it truly scared. 

There are at least 2 major wars going on in the world right now, neither with any signs of resolution anytime soon. The people who suffer are, as usual, the innocent by-standers while those who sit in their palaces give the orders. Makes me wish for the days when the king would be on the battlefield.

To the south of me, 2024 is an election year. A voter described the election choices as "...probably the most uniquely horrible choice I’ve had in my life." -- Andrew Collins of Windham, ME. Hyperbole? Yeah. But he nailed the sentiment that I believe a lot of Americans are feeling. To me the choice is very clear: you either want democracy or you don't. What I can say is this: No one is in the booth with you when you vote. If you have told everyone how supportive you are of the Orange Goblin, but get to the booth and just can't do it, then mark your conscience. No one will ever know. Do what's right for the country, not for the guy with the spray tan who will "only be a dictator on Day 1."

In my own country, it's like watching the train coming and no one is moving out of the way. Our choices aren't much better than our neighbors', but that's only a slight temperance given how a lot of politicians are getting the playbooks from what's going on in the US. Poilievre will likely win the next election mostly due to hate for Trudeau. Trudeau won't get his head out of his ass and realize that stepping down from the party leadership is the only way to ensure the Liberals have a chance at winning the next election (thankfully not until 2025). Even the constituents are spouting US/Republican rhetoric up here. A few miles away, a Christian conservative candidate was nominated to run in the next provincial election.

No one with any power, money, or both cares enough about climate change to actually slow it down.

Oh, and hey! There's still a pandemic going on, despite everyone acting like it's been over for ages. WHO downgraded the "global health emergency" status back in May 2023, but the disease's status as a pandemic remains. We're about to hit the end of our 4th year of masking and distancing, well, those of us who still care not to get it: the vulnerable and those who live with them. It's a very stark reality to be faced with the majority of a world that doesn't care if your husband dies. In a general sense, there are 8 billion people, I don't expect them to all care about my husband. But getting the looks he gets for still wearing a mask? I am thankfully oblivious to people giving me looks for still wearing one, and if I did happen to notice, I don't care. I have to continue to mask because no one else is. I have to continue to weigh my options for wanting to get out and be a part of society vs will I catch something that will end up landing my husband in the ER?

I changed jobs in 2023, still trying to figure out where I fit and what I do. That instability isn't helping. I don't regret the change, and I think it was the right move for my career. I just hope things getting a little more stable and clear this year.

In addition to Covid concerns, my husband is not healthy. I feel powerless to make any kind of positive change to help him. Dreams of winning the lotto aren't accompanied by a new house or a sports car. They're of getting him healthcare that can make a real difference in his quality of life.

So, yeah, I'm scared, I'm exhausted, and I don't have much hope that this year will bring joy. However, that thing I hate so much, CHANGE, might come in handy this year. Change is guaranteed. So maybe that's where my hope needs to lie for 2024.