A friend of mine just posted a comment about how SJ could get a big boost if more people consciously chose to spend money within the city, and how he thinks weekly trips to Calais are ridiculous. This coming from a person who chooses to live outside the city boundaries, pays significantly less in taxes, and yet comes into the city to work and use our roads, waterways, police and fire coverage, etc. I think his statement was very hypocritical, but not being a good debater, I am not prepared to engage him in conversation on it.
I have the right to spend money where I get good service. If I weren't verbally abused at Canadian Tire for trying to use a coupon to buy batteries, maybe I'd shop there more often. Why should I go to the local telecomm store, spend $30 on a car charger for a cell phone, and have to wait in line at a store with TVs blaring and a display phone going off in my ear, while not being able to understand the cashier who is mumbling at the desk in a feeble attempt at communicating with me? No thanks. I'll buy it for $5 on Amazon and pick it up in Calais.
This week, I rewarded a local store with my business because they treated me well. They had the lowest price, did not overcharge me with delivery fees, and had the item in stock and would be delivered in two days. I probably could have gotten it sooner if I was able to pick it up myself. I'm happy to give that company my money because they earned it. Compared this to the big-box chains who only had display models and nothing in stock, would take 10-14 days for ordering and delivery, and didn't seem to know much about their product or even care.
Everyone has the right to spend their hard-earned dollar wherever they choose. Buying milk in Calais isn't what's breaking SJ's bank. It's the people who escape the taxes who are. If the outlying community residents all had to pay into SJ's tax system, think of how much lower it could be, how many more services we could provide, and possibly how much better a shape we'd be in. But the Valley residents never want to admit this. They choose to live outside the city and then complain that the city sucks, but never do anything concrete to help it. I'm tired of hearing you complain. If you care about SJ, then move back within the boundary and help us recover by paying your share.
Friday, February 03, 2012
Heavy
I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders again. I go through phases where, if I pay too much attention to current events, it will send me into a tailspin of depression. It seems like everywhere I turn there is bad news of varying degrees. Our stove broke this week, forcing us to spend $1100 we weren't expecting (but thankfully had savings to cover). A micro issue compared to hunger in the Horn of Africa, some of my co-workers losing their jobs, my near-bankrupt city, cruise ships falling over and people dying, massive landslides in Colombia... the list goes on.
I like to think that I'm a caring person. I want to help people. I love the feeling of doing good in someone else's life, of making a difference. But sometimes I feel like the scene from JCS where the people are clamoring for him, and he just can't help everyone, and it becomes overwhelming.
The only way I survive sometimes is to tune it out. This makes me look uninformed, immature, and selfish. What people don't understand is the magnitude of how I internalize these problems, and yes, allow them to overwhelm me. But if I don't, then I don't care, and that isn't good either. I either suck for not caring, or suck for not becoming an aid worker. Kind of a lose-lose situation. No wonder I can get depressed from it.
I'm reminded of May from the Secret Life of Bees, and her wailing wall. I could probably use one of those.
I like to think that I'm a caring person. I want to help people. I love the feeling of doing good in someone else's life, of making a difference. But sometimes I feel like the scene from JCS where the people are clamoring for him, and he just can't help everyone, and it becomes overwhelming.
The only way I survive sometimes is to tune it out. This makes me look uninformed, immature, and selfish. What people don't understand is the magnitude of how I internalize these problems, and yes, allow them to overwhelm me. But if I don't, then I don't care, and that isn't good either. I either suck for not caring, or suck for not becoming an aid worker. Kind of a lose-lose situation. No wonder I can get depressed from it.
I'm reminded of May from the Secret Life of Bees, and her wailing wall. I could probably use one of those.
State of the City
The city of SJ is in very bad shape. The Mayor and most of council are unable to make the hard decisions to keep us afloat, and I have to wonder how much longer it will be before we have to declare bankruptcy. We can't afford to fund the municipal pension plan, nor make any decisions to bring that plan more in line with reality. Our roads are never proactively maintained, thus in very rough shape. We just had to cut multiple fire and police positions. Many community organizations have lost their grant money.
The current city council voted for the construction of a new police and justice building, which is costing the city millions of dollars, and now we've also decided to cut police and fire services. Perhaps the police staff would have happily put up with their old building had they known the alternative would mean sacrificing jobs. A new building is great if you can afford it. As a city, we can't. Yet council went ahead and did it anyway.
Personally, I'm in my second year of no raise, not even a small amount for cost of living. My company's sick time policy is changing to deal with the abuse, but at the same time, will end up making things worse by encouraging sick people to come in to the office (like the person a few cubicles over making horrible coughing noises as I type this). Companies everywhere are cutting spending, and laying off staff. Am I happy to see the tax rate stay steady? Of course, but that doesn't mean we're not getting screwed some other way.
I have always jokingly asked the question of why I live here, to which I respond with many valid reasons. But now I wonder if it isn't time to start seriously thinking it through.
The current city council voted for the construction of a new police and justice building, which is costing the city millions of dollars, and now we've also decided to cut police and fire services. Perhaps the police staff would have happily put up with their old building had they known the alternative would mean sacrificing jobs. A new building is great if you can afford it. As a city, we can't. Yet council went ahead and did it anyway.
Personally, I'm in my second year of no raise, not even a small amount for cost of living. My company's sick time policy is changing to deal with the abuse, but at the same time, will end up making things worse by encouraging sick people to come in to the office (like the person a few cubicles over making horrible coughing noises as I type this). Companies everywhere are cutting spending, and laying off staff. Am I happy to see the tax rate stay steady? Of course, but that doesn't mean we're not getting screwed some other way.
I have always jokingly asked the question of why I live here, to which I respond with many valid reasons. But now I wonder if it isn't time to start seriously thinking it through.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Christmas as an adult
This comic made me laugh and think. Hover your mouse over the picture for a hidden comment bubble from the author.
Adults tend to have this view of Christmas. Every year we wish for the magic and joy of Christmases from our childhood. Instead, we get grouchy and bah humbug after cleaning the house, baking treats, buying presents for people who send wish lists after you've finished shopping, etc. There are a lot of negatives to this season, and adults usually end up concentrating on most of them. Yet, we keep doing the same "traditions" every year. It's like the definition of insanity: we keep doing the same things and hope for a different result. Maybe this year I'll get the X I always wanted. Maybe this year I'll get that old Christmas joy feeling back. The older I get, the harder it seems to be to recreate that pure joy I used to get as a kid. Given that my mother isn't going to come over and do everything for me, I don't expect that back. But some other parts would be nice. Gone are the times where I'd sit near the tree and read. I'm too busy now.
So why do we keep doing it? Why not throw everything aside and head to Hawaii? Are you afraid you'll miss that one year where it becomes magical again? I guess we hang on to these things because the glimmer of hope is still there for the Best Christmas Ever.
In the end, I think the secular part of Christmas is for the kids. They get the most joy and long-lasting memories. Since I don't have any kids, I can't share in that joy. If I were around my nephews more often, I would probably be more into it.
But no matter how much it makes logical sense to do so, I can't let go of my own traditions.
Adults tend to have this view of Christmas. Every year we wish for the magic and joy of Christmases from our childhood. Instead, we get grouchy and bah humbug after cleaning the house, baking treats, buying presents for people who send wish lists after you've finished shopping, etc. There are a lot of negatives to this season, and adults usually end up concentrating on most of them. Yet, we keep doing the same "traditions" every year. It's like the definition of insanity: we keep doing the same things and hope for a different result. Maybe this year I'll get the X I always wanted. Maybe this year I'll get that old Christmas joy feeling back. The older I get, the harder it seems to be to recreate that pure joy I used to get as a kid. Given that my mother isn't going to come over and do everything for me, I don't expect that back. But some other parts would be nice. Gone are the times where I'd sit near the tree and read. I'm too busy now.
So why do we keep doing it? Why not throw everything aside and head to Hawaii? Are you afraid you'll miss that one year where it becomes magical again? I guess we hang on to these things because the glimmer of hope is still there for the Best Christmas Ever.
In the end, I think the secular part of Christmas is for the kids. They get the most joy and long-lasting memories. Since I don't have any kids, I can't share in that joy. If I were around my nephews more often, I would probably be more into it.
But no matter how much it makes logical sense to do so, I can't let go of my own traditions.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Disappointing
Since my grandparents passed away, my mother's side of the family makes a point of having a family get-together for Christmas. This year, the usual host has been busy with health issues on her husband's side of the family, and understandably can't host. No one else can or will step up to the plate, so it looks like there won't be a party this year. I think this will be the first year ever that I won't see them before Christmas.
When my grandparents were still alive, there was a lot of activity on that side of the family. We did a LOT together. Since they passed, events have been few and far between, not having the Grammy & Grampy glue to hold us together. That makes this Christmas party even more significant: it's one of the few times we do get together now.
I wish I could step up to the plate and host, but I have two problems: my house is small, and we're talking about 40 people. Second, my aunts do not like cats, and I have Romy. Had the usual host notified us sooner that she would be unable to host this year, we could have suggested an alternate venue. There are also some family politics involved that included people not wanting to suggest they take over the party this year for fear of angering the usual host.
My family, for many years, was the host of the party. My other grandparents, who lived behind us, were always included as well. Those were the "golden years": the happiest times burned in my brain. An incredible amount of work for my mother, who cooked until her arms fell off, but enjoyed hosting her family.
This is a tradition that I will really miss this year. I am very disappointed, but am making an effort to not be too whiny about it. I have family, friends, health, food, shelter. I'm lucky where many others are not. I will try to keep that in mind, and make plans to visit everyone on Boxing Day.
UPDATE 12/18: the party has been rescheduled for Boxing Day. Not ideal as others now have plans that can't be broken, but at least some of us can spend some time together. A few aunts and uncles came down for mass this morning and then we went to lunch, so I was able to exchange gifts and spend a short time with them before the big day.
When my grandparents were still alive, there was a lot of activity on that side of the family. We did a LOT together. Since they passed, events have been few and far between, not having the Grammy & Grampy glue to hold us together. That makes this Christmas party even more significant: it's one of the few times we do get together now.
I wish I could step up to the plate and host, but I have two problems: my house is small, and we're talking about 40 people. Second, my aunts do not like cats, and I have Romy. Had the usual host notified us sooner that she would be unable to host this year, we could have suggested an alternate venue. There are also some family politics involved that included people not wanting to suggest they take over the party this year for fear of angering the usual host.
My family, for many years, was the host of the party. My other grandparents, who lived behind us, were always included as well. Those were the "golden years": the happiest times burned in my brain. An incredible amount of work for my mother, who cooked until her arms fell off, but enjoyed hosting her family.
This is a tradition that I will really miss this year. I am very disappointed, but am making an effort to not be too whiny about it. I have family, friends, health, food, shelter. I'm lucky where many others are not. I will try to keep that in mind, and make plans to visit everyone on Boxing Day.
UPDATE 12/18: the party has been rescheduled for Boxing Day. Not ideal as others now have plans that can't be broken, but at least some of us can spend some time together. A few aunts and uncles came down for mass this morning and then we went to lunch, so I was able to exchange gifts and spend a short time with them before the big day.
Thursday, December 01, 2011
Even if it is partially my fault,
I'm tired of dealing with you, asshole, and your asshole way of doing things. Wish I could punch you in the face.
Wednesday, November 02, 2011
20 years in
20 years ago today, Mum, younger brother ("A"), and I went to Calais for the day. A started getting incredibly thirsty, and kept drinking and drinking and drinking. It was out of character for him, and when we got home, Mum took him to the hospital. A was diagnosed as a type 1 diabetic.
As an 11 year old kid, being diagnosed a diabetic 2 days after Halloween is the highest level of Morissette irony, and my brother loved his candy. It was a bumpy road to get adjusted to that lifestyle at such a young age. He's gone through many trials and tribulations, added some extra diseases along the way, and has had numerous hospital stays, though none directly related to diabetes.
He's had some very positive experiences though. Joslin Diabetes Center is a world-class facility in Boston. They have done more for him than anyone around here, and A is probably at the level where he could teach others. We were so fortunate to have the money to send him there and get the testing and training to better manage his conditions. I wish that could be an option for everyone.
Mum has been instrumental in keeping A on track, her medical background helping immensely. Even now, he and she still discuss his various issues. Mum has spent years helping him learn to take his insulin, regulate his diet, keep records of his blood sugar, tend to him during his hospital stays... I can't possibly total all of the things she's done to help him along the way, but she's an integral part in why he's as healthy as he is today. I hope he fully realizes that.
I hope he can keep up-to-date on the islet transplant trials, and that eventually he may qualify. He was so disappointed when he was told he wasn't going to be part of the trial, but I have hope that they will expand over time.
I'm glad he's still around, and I love him.
As an 11 year old kid, being diagnosed a diabetic 2 days after Halloween is the highest level of Morissette irony, and my brother loved his candy. It was a bumpy road to get adjusted to that lifestyle at such a young age. He's gone through many trials and tribulations, added some extra diseases along the way, and has had numerous hospital stays, though none directly related to diabetes.
He's had some very positive experiences though. Joslin Diabetes Center is a world-class facility in Boston. They have done more for him than anyone around here, and A is probably at the level where he could teach others. We were so fortunate to have the money to send him there and get the testing and training to better manage his conditions. I wish that could be an option for everyone.
Mum has been instrumental in keeping A on track, her medical background helping immensely. Even now, he and she still discuss his various issues. Mum has spent years helping him learn to take his insulin, regulate his diet, keep records of his blood sugar, tend to him during his hospital stays... I can't possibly total all of the things she's done to help him along the way, but she's an integral part in why he's as healthy as he is today. I hope he fully realizes that.
I hope he can keep up-to-date on the islet transplant trials, and that eventually he may qualify. He was so disappointed when he was told he wasn't going to be part of the trial, but I have hope that they will expand over time.
I'm glad he's still around, and I love him.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
It's probably me that's the problem
Tonight was the pumpkin carving party -- my 9th. Every year I seem to push myself to make it as "perfect" as I can. I bake more, I decorate more, I clean more. This year I put in a crap-ton of effort: 2 straight out days of cleaning, baking, and setup, on top of the shopping, preparing, and decorating I've been doing all month. I enjoy it, but I wouldn't go to all this effort for just myself.
Based on the replies to my invitation, I figured I had about 20 people coming this year. Seemingly more than usual. That made me very happy, as well as concerned that I'd have enough snacks for everyone. I'm of the belief that if you throw a party where you tell people you're providing food, you do more than just chips in a bowl. So, I shopped and baked accordingly.
How many people actually showed up? 9. Those 9 people were quite happy to be here, but I couldn't help but be disappointed about the other 11 who were sick, had to back out for stated reasons, or just plain didn't show up or notify me. To top that off, the weather was particularly bad today, and that likely encouraged people to stay home.
I will grant you that I am a bit too focused on the people who weren't here vs the happy people who did come and enjoyed themselves. I'm not angry at anyone: shit happens, I get that. Maybe I just try to do too much, try to make it too special. Or maybe people just don't get how much work and effort I put into making this a fun event. Maybe if they knew that, they wouldn't just not show up.
The question is: do I put in less effort next time, knowing that I expect too much of people?
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
Materialism, School, Traffic, Reading, and Being in Pathetic physical condition
I wish I could stop comparing my material wealth with those around me. All it serves is to make me feel bad; it's not like the others know or care. I need to learn to be happy with what I have and thankful that I am as fortunate as I am. This is one of those life-long lessons that I may never master, but I need to keep trying. Material wealth is not important, and I need to get that through my head.
I really don't give a shit about kids going to school. If they actually learned grammar and how to read, and graduated as intelligent individuals, then maybe I'd give a crap. But most of them will grow up to be entitled-feeling drains on society. Hard to get excited when education is a farce; misguided goals and no money.
[My comment above was supposed to mean that it's a farce to think the same standard of education can be delivered with fewer & fewer resources, and the misguided goals meaning spelling, grammar, and literacy falling by the wayside. It was not supposed to imply that teachers suck.]
I do care that school will add traffic to an already congested roadway and will force me to get up before dawn to eventually get to work on time. Construction continues on the bridge I take daily, with huge inefficiencies in traffic management. "Let's close an exit and then not change the traffic light pattern at the 2nd exit to account for an increase in the number of cars!" "Let's force cars to line up for over a mile in single-file rather than use both lanes to the merge point!" "While the bridge is under construction, let's also fix this overpass and add to the congestion, but make sure you don't work past 4pm!" "Let's ignore the fact that the speed limit is reduced to 70 near the overpass construction even when no one is there working, how's that for efficiency!" The city and province are horrible at traffic management. I guess they figure we "don't have much traffic" so why would we need to make alterations? They end up making things worse. There are still few traffic lights in our city with sensors. "Too expensive." I'm sure things are looking really nice in our new Police Palace though.
My reading tastes are changing. Probably a result of being in a couple of book clubs. I'm enjoying historical fiction more lately. I'm fascinated by the past and what it was like to live in those times. I often wish I could just step into the past for a visit, to see in-person what things looked like. I wouldn't want that to be my daily reality, but it would be very interesting to see.
I've started back on a goal of 10000 steps a day. Haven't managed 100% of days, but on the days where I've made an effort, I'm succeeding. Walking doesn't do a whole lot for weight loss, but I am at least getting some form of exercise and not sitting on the couch all the time. Not that you'd know it after my 2-day muscle burn from Saturday night candlepin bowling. It's pretty sad when I bowl for a couple of hours and then it takes at least 2 days before my thighs feel like they're not screaming every time I go up or down stairs.
I really don't give a shit about kids going to school. If they actually learned grammar and how to read, and graduated as intelligent individuals, then maybe I'd give a crap. But most of them will grow up to be entitled-feeling drains on society. Hard to get excited when education is a farce; misguided goals and no money.
[My comment above was supposed to mean that it's a farce to think the same standard of education can be delivered with fewer & fewer resources, and the misguided goals meaning spelling, grammar, and literacy falling by the wayside. It was not supposed to imply that teachers suck.]
I do care that school will add traffic to an already congested roadway and will force me to get up before dawn to eventually get to work on time. Construction continues on the bridge I take daily, with huge inefficiencies in traffic management. "Let's close an exit and then not change the traffic light pattern at the 2nd exit to account for an increase in the number of cars!" "Let's force cars to line up for over a mile in single-file rather than use both lanes to the merge point!" "While the bridge is under construction, let's also fix this overpass and add to the congestion, but make sure you don't work past 4pm!" "Let's ignore the fact that the speed limit is reduced to 70 near the overpass construction even when no one is there working, how's that for efficiency!" The city and province are horrible at traffic management. I guess they figure we "don't have much traffic" so why would we need to make alterations? They end up making things worse. There are still few traffic lights in our city with sensors. "Too expensive." I'm sure things are looking really nice in our new Police Palace though.
My reading tastes are changing. Probably a result of being in a couple of book clubs. I'm enjoying historical fiction more lately. I'm fascinated by the past and what it was like to live in those times. I often wish I could just step into the past for a visit, to see in-person what things looked like. I wouldn't want that to be my daily reality, but it would be very interesting to see.
I've started back on a goal of 10000 steps a day. Haven't managed 100% of days, but on the days where I've made an effort, I'm succeeding. Walking doesn't do a whole lot for weight loss, but I am at least getting some form of exercise and not sitting on the couch all the time. Not that you'd know it after my 2-day muscle burn from Saturday night candlepin bowling. It's pretty sad when I bowl for a couple of hours and then it takes at least 2 days before my thighs feel like they're not screaming every time I go up or down stairs.
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