Three months after we had our civil wedding ceremony, my lease was coming due on my car and I had to decide what to get next. It was 2007, so pre-economic collapse and Pontiac was still an active company. At the time, Dad was still a preferred customer at the dealership so I was treated well, possibly too well: I am sure I drove my salesperson nuts about my requirement for the car to have a comfortable place to rest my right arm. I settled on a 2007 Pontiac Grand Prix, base model but pretty much fully loaded. After having two silver Grand Ams in a row, I wanted a change. I debated a cherry red, but ultimately knew I'd be happy long-term with purple. Glad I decided that, however it mostly looks black and/or dirty, but at least *I* knew it was purple.
I never intended to keep it past the 4 year lease. But when 2011 came up, Pontiac was gone, and the market was devoid of affordable sporty sedans. I just couldn't find anything I liked better, so I decided to buy out the lease. This was my first real experience *owning* a car; the Sunbird that used to be my boyfriend's back in the mid-90s wasn't with me for very long. I was used to leasing, and not dealing with the problems that come with an older car. My inexperience with that has caused John a lot of frustration along the way as he had to explain to me many times that issues are expected and that's why we have a car fund.
You know how you have a piece of clothing that you've owned and worn for so long that over time it molds to you? It feels comfortable and is comforting? That's my car. I sit in it, I know where everything is, it's set up just how I like it, I feel cool, powerful, and in control. Its back doors open 90°, which has come in very handy. It goes fast and corners really well. I enjoy driving it. I know how to drive it in various weather conditions; I know what to expect from it. We know each other well.
My car is leaving later today after having it for 14.5 years. It finally reached the point of being too expensive to repair. It has no heat and most likely caused by head gasket or cylinder. Not worth sinking $2000+ into. It has caused me so much stress and no end of frustration over the past 2 years. My friends are tired of me talking about it and repairing it. Yet with all of that, I'm still very sad to see it go.
I am donating the car and it will be either recycled or auctioned, with the proceeds going to a charity of my choice, in this case, my local soup kitchen. As part of the donation info, I had to document anything that would help them determine what state the car was in and whether it is worth auctioning. In addition to the no heat issue, it has an ongoing problem with the evap system, saying it has a small leak. That causes the engine light to come on, and when that comes on, the remote car starter doesn't work until I clear the engine light warning with an OBD2 reader. It recently developed a habit of enabling the high beams when I made a left turn and the full headlights were on. Not sure how many people I've pissed off by flashing them... sorry, it wasn't intentional. A few years back I rear ended someone and broke the plastic housing around the headlight. 5-6 years later, the temp fix that John did finally stopped working and my headlight started to fall out during a road trip to Miramichi. My friends had to reluctantly tell me there was yet another thing wrong with my car, and then they fixed it up with fishing wire (which worked quite well, actually). For a long time it made a sloshing noise when I went around turns. It may still be making it, but I got to the point of ignoring it. I had the radiator replaced last Dec, headlight replaced this year, as well as rocker panels. Not feeling like I got the greatest return on investment on the more recent repairs. The stupid part is that I tore the driver's side mirror off the car last month. Currently it is duct-taped on. I could try to make excuses for that, but it was just a stupid, bonehead mistake that I made, twice.
For the past 2 weeks, I've made many attempts to sell the winter tires and try to recoup some cash. I didn't want to do it, but our dishwasher broke, and having $300 or so would have helped pay for that. I posted it in every FB group I could, and listed it on Kijiji. I got the usual and expected low-ball offers, people asking questions and seeming interested but then disappearing, guy who eyeballed the size without checking first, and the worst was the guy who was interested and in a hurry, so I took the winters off the car. When I called him back a couple hours later to arrange a time to meet, he had already moved on and bought something else, but assured me that now the tires were off the car, I'd have no trouble selling them. I sarcastically thanked him. They're still not sold, but I wasted $80 and a couple of hours during a workday to deal with it. At this point, I'm leaving the tires in the car in hopes that if it's auctioned, it will get a higher price. Someone, somewhere will get top-of-the-line brand of tires only 30% worn. My gift to you. I don't think I can handle the stress of trying to sell them any longer.
With me still working from home for the foreseeable future due to Covid-19, and John not working right now, having two cars isn't needed and doesn't make sense financially until one of those things changes. So we'll be driving John's truck, which leaks inside when it rains, and try to pull the trigger on one new vehicle. The fortunate part is that we have a one-car garage, and winter is pretty much here, so raining won't be an issue much longer. That will buy us time to wrangle the mess that is the chip shortage and supply chain. Pretty much the worst time to buy a new car as they have nothing to sell.
I know I've been incredibly fortunate to a) have a car, and b) have a two-car household for this long. I think what gets me the most is that this is the first time since the mid-90s that I won't have my own car. I feel like I'm losing a piece of my freedom. I'll be frank: I've never been great at sharing. I will have to get used to checking the calendar, working around appointments that John may need the truck for, and planning ahead. It should be pretty easy given that we can't do much right now due to Covid. But it bugs me that I won't be able to just hop in my car at any given time and go. To crank my awesome-sounding stereo (really great for a factory stereo) when I get angry or need to block everything out of my head. To take corners too fast yet laugh in glee that I can, especially back when I worked for a tire company and had the Eagle RS-As (police pursuit tires.) Good times!
This is yet another situation where I feel let down by my expectations for this portion of my life. I had the idea that by my mid-40s, I'd be "making good money" and so would my spouse, and we could pretty much do anything we wanted. Not owning a yacht kind of money, but the ability to go on shopping trips, renovate the house, and afford to each have our own car. I don't have anyone to blame for my high expectations other than myself. Ultimately I knew that my career trajectory after failing the CA wasn't going to yield as high a return. A university degree doesn't guarantee a well-paying job with consistent and fair raises: I know now that wages have been stagnant since the 80s. But I was young and naïve when I subconsciously set these self-expectations, and despite knowing that I need to reset them, I guess I haven't succeeded at that yet.
What I'm saying is no surprise to anyone, ever: life doesn't turn out how you expect. It may not be the end of the world, but it can be repeatedly disappointing. Oh, wait, I'm supposed to be positive: we still have a vehicle, I am still employed, we have a house in good shape, we're fiscally responsible and debt-free. I can still afford some treats for myself. I am pretty healthy, and John's health is improving. So yes, I have a lot to be thankful and grateful for.
This is, however, *my* blog and if I want to talk about being disappointed, then I will. My therapist moved away, so this is all I have right now.
About a month or so after I got the car, I took Jenn with me down to Portland to go to David's Bridal. Despite being legally married already, it was important to me to have a church wedding and a chance to buy "the dress". We were successful that day in finding my dress, and upon returning to the car, I offered a toast, but I only had warm orange pop to drink. Jenn thought that was funny and we've kept that memory ever since.
So I'll offer one final toast to my car, with warm orange pop, and thank it for its service.
