Thursday, June 30, 2005

I wish...

There was something I could do
There was something I could say
To make it better
I have no answers
I have no rationalizations
I have no reasons
Why this has happened

Just know that I am here
If you need me
As a distraction
Or a shoulder
I will do my best
To help
Any way I can

Yay, presents!

Presents just arrived for me, yay! I ordered the new Shakira cd (in Spanish), and since you have to buy $39 worth to get free shipping.... I also ordered the U2 Live from Slane Castle DVD. Since it's going to RAIN ALL WEEKEND, at least I have something new to watch.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

You, in the Ford Taurus

Turn on your friggin headlights, jackass. Do you realize how foggy it is? You can only see a few metres ahead this morning, so actually having your headlights on may help you from getting into a head-on collision. Are you on some kind of secret mission where you don't want people to see you? If so, it's working! Even the 1950s vintage car I saw this morning had its headlights on, and I know they weren't automatic. Do us both a favor and just flick that little headlight switch which you appear to find so difficult to use.

Monday, June 27, 2005

Random messages to people

  • I need a nice white sweater, something to wear over a blouse with a skirt. Very plain and delicate, like the purple one I wore Saturday night only in white. Also need summer pants, almost everything I have is dark. Maybe tank tops. We need to go shopping.
  • You send confusing messages sometimes, I shake my head. Maybe someday I will understand.
  • I miss our chats, I wish you weren't so busy. Hope to get to talk to you more soon.
  • Remember how we were discussing on Saturday night that I was likely the black sheep of my neighborhood, being the single girl with no kids, the ugly looking front yard and constantly having people over? Tonight I left my house at 10:30pm with the stereo in my car blasting and the moonroof open. That probably didn't help my case did it? :D
  • Just fold the clothes and put them away. Do I need to send you some OCD? I seem to have enough that, I am sure I could spare some :) Make a game out of it. See how much fun it is to fold your socks exactly the same way... I have a problem.
  • Sacreli-cious... hehehe, still laughing...
  • If I make you banana bread, can I finally get the pictures? :D
  • Where are those plans to watch MST? Call/email me. I have some good Mike & Trace episodes.
  • Are there fireworks on Friday night? Are we all going? I don't want to watch them by myself in my car like last year.

Ostrich Time

Not sure where this blog entry is going to go, as I sit and write it. I'll begin with a weekend recap, I guess.

Friday was basically wasted for me. What with the intense problems at work, it pretty much drained any energy I had. I didn't end up having to work this weekend, so that left only the last-minute meeting I had to attend at church. So I was able to head to karaoke, get 3 songs in, went to the meeting, then came back to karaoke for another song. I felt really off that night though, between work and personal issues bothering me, it was coming through when I tried to get into singing. Since there is no karaoke this week, I'll have a week to rest up and kick ass next time.

Saturday I had a visit from Regan, who brought me a ton of plants and took a walk around the yard with me discussing what exactly I could do with it. I guess what I need to keep in mind is that I don't have to have a beautiful-looking lawn/yard right away. It's going to take time. Since I am impatient, that's what has been stressing me out with this yard stuff. I like things to be planned, to keep moving, to see progress. Just need to yank myself back a bit and not worry so much about it.

I headed to church on Saturday, where mass was being said in memory of Grammy. I happened to walk in right behind my aunt, uncle & cousins so I joined them in the pew. Mother looked over at me from the other side. My great aunt was sitting in the pew in front of us, so it was nice to see her as well. After church I talked to my aunt & uncle for a while, passing on some info which I secretly hope will get back to my mother. That sounds evil, it's not intentional. What I meant by that was that I hope my mother finds out the crap that has been going on in both of my brothers' lives and reaches out to them. Myself? Don't really care about myself & her right now. It's my brothers I am worried about. Someday my mother will realize I am not the horrible disappointment of a daughter she thinks I am.

I headed from church to pick up Jenn and got some groceries and prep for the evening's BBQ at my place. Still feeling out-of-sorts, I ended up spending a lot of time inside making a salad, to the point where a few people came in to check on me (thanks, btw). In the end we had a fun time, although I had forgotten how bad Pod People really was. Am looking forward to bringing the projector home and showing the episodes that my younger brother downloaded for me, since he said they were really good.

Sunday was a busy day for me. I started the morning by getting up and throwing the sheets in the wash. Younger brother called and asked if he could come over and do his laundry, so I delayed my plans to do laundry that day. Not like I really wanted to with it being so nice out and I had places to go.

I cleaned up a bit from the night before and then headed over to the Nature Park. Was the first time I had been there since the start of the season. It was nice to get back there, it reminds me of the woods around where I grew up, which is just up the road from the park so that explains the familiarity. I made the somewhat silly decision of walking the whole perimeter of the park, the squirrel, seal and heron trails. Silly because I had to dance later that day. Needless to say I am a little sore after being on my feet so much yesterday.

I also packed some things up to take to the recycling drop-off, before it piled up any higher. Stopped to grab a few more things at the grocery store, since it was a brand new sale week.

Back home I rushed to make sure I was able to catch Jaybird's radio show. I arrived right on time and really enjoyed the show. Jay did an inaccurate impersonation of me so I had to call in and tell him that was not what I sounded like :P I got a couple of requests in so that was awesome! Looking forward to hearing more shows, and if you need a co-host, I've got lots of crap, er, I mean music I can bring in ;)

It was then off to find out where in hell the belly dancing hafla was. I had received a phone message that it was going to be 5pm at Fisher Lakes, which covers more than one area, so Jenn, B and I ended up walking around looking for it. Eventually we found the right spot, with help from a phone call to Joanne. For someone who hadn't practiced since Monday night, I did pretty well on my routine. I have claw hands that I need to work on, and need to get a "face" and not look like I am counting. But what was really awesome was an unexpected comment from one of the members of the dance troupe that I had done very well. I was floored to hear that, an unsolicited compliment coming from someone who is really good at what she does, and I am only a beginner.

I left the hafla early, heading over to the big Parish meeting at the church hall. I got to sit up with the other councils at the front of the room. A ways into the meeting I started feeling sick, I think from some of the middle-eastern food, which I am not used to eating. Ended up shuffling off to the bathroom twice during the meeting, which I was not very inconspicuous since I was at the front of the room, but what else can you do when nature calls? The meeting went pretty well considering the fact that there were no reversals of the decision. I hope we hit home with the parishoners that the church will not be closing, the bishop is behind us, and that there will be a lot of capital work to be done in the near future. In the end, it's up to the parishoners to decide what happens to the church. If people decide they no longer want to attend our church because the Redemptorists have left, then we won't be able to afford to keep the building open. But if we stick together and stay committed to maintaining our parish community, with or without the Redemptorists, then we can stay alive. I hope we don't have defections to other parishes. The interesting parts were that the Redemptorists will be back on occasion for visits, missions, vacation replacements, etc., so it was nice to hear they are not leaving and never coming back. The bishop has committed to finding us a new pastor in early 2006 so that the new pastor has time to work with the leaving Redemptorists and ensure as smooth a transition as possible. The bishop is also actively seeking another religious order to come to our church. What makes us unique is the fact that we are the only church in the Maritimes with this particular Catholic order, so some of the parishoners feel we'll lose that uniqueness. I think they were supportive of finding another order to come in and maintain that special quality.

Then came that part of the meeting that filled me with horror and dread: my mother got up to speak. Those of you following the saga of my mother know that she is currently not speaking to me since realizing I think towels are more important than her. So I am sitting at the meeting, already feeling sick to begin with, and then I see her get up out of the corner of my eye. Oh crap. Please don't tell me she's gone to a new level of craziness and will start to air dirty family laundry in front of the church? As many of you likely feel when a relative gets up in front of a crowd of strangers, "please don't say anything embarassing, and if you do, don't tell them we're related." Thankfully that wasn't the case, well, for the most part. Mother did act like her eccentric self but did make a good point (though one I could have scripted for her, I know her so well). And then she added the line "since I raised the chairman of your finance committee". Not sure how many stages of red I turned, but thankfully that was as embarassing as it got. I stopped afterward to talk to one of the parish council members, who I knew from university, and I was telling her how freaked out I was when my mother got up to speak, since she's mad at me and not talking to me.

A friend of mine made a comment to me that perhaps my mother isn't crazy, as I often refer to her as being, that perhaps there is a discord between how she thinks the world of me, but that I am unable to meet her standards or expectations. That is actually the exact problem. I do know my mother is proud of me, because she "was the best mother she could be" and raised wonderful children but doesn't know where she "went wrong". I already know what her expectations are, I've heard them many a time. She demands you to be on her side, there is no neutral ground. Therefore, if you are not with her, you're against her. She would prefer I have no contact with my father after all that he has done to our family. She can't understand why we'd want to have anything to do with him after that. She says lots of other children have gone and told their fathers that they didn't like what he did to their mother, but since we didn't do that, and tried to stay neutral, she took that as a betrayal (I am pretty much quoting here). This is why we are estranged right now. She has expectations that cannot be met. I am not going to cut either parent out of my life for the sake of the other. It's something I just can't do, nor should it be expected of me to do.

My mother demands perfection. I came 7th in my high school graduating class, but all that I remember from that time was my mother telling my grandmother "but wow, look at that girl, she must be really smart, she got a 98% average." Made me feel like chopped liver. She has always had extremely high expectations of me, and I have apparently let her down over & over again. She has no problem pointing out to a crowd of strangers at a church meeting that she raised me, but neglected to mention the fact that she can't stand who I am now. Now that she has pointed out to the whole church that we are related, I wonder how many will notice that we sit on opposite sides of the church? They won't know it's because she refused to sit in the same pew with me.

I didn't think I was that bad. Maybe I am. Obviously I can't control my own life, I've made a mess of it, am making silly, unrealistic decisions and need people to tell me that I am doing things wrong.

If anyone's looking for me, I'll be the girl with her head buried in the sand, playing ostrich. Ostrich is fun. I may stay here for a while.


It is the 27th of June. I have the heat on in my office because it is so cold. Outside I could be wearing shorts. Inside I feel the need to break out a sweater and a pair of cords.

First we have no power. Now I am being frozen out. ARGH!

Friday, June 24, 2005

The TJ Strikes Again

So I came home for lunch, because I need to change what I'm wearing before going to a church meeting tonight. I see that I have a message, oh good, maybe that's Aliant calling to tell me the upgrade I requested has been applied.

This was the message:

"Hi, this is [name] from the Telegraph Journal. We're trying to fix your flyer problem. We're showing a couple of different addresses for you in our system. If you could give me a call back please, I just have to confirm your address. Thank you, b-bye."

I have been getting my flyers regularly now since the end of my "campaign". WTF is going on NOW??!!??

Saturday night plans?

Um, so what's going on Saturday night? Anyone want to do the BBQ/hang out on deck thing at my place? There's a chance of T-showers but an otherwise nice, sunny, warm day. So I am told.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Don't cone & drive

Had strange and terrible day at work today. Can't blog about it, but next time I see you guys in person (perhaps at karaoke), I'll give you the brief version. Thankfully something that was beyond my control and not my fault, but will not be fun to deal with the aftermath tomorrow.

The hafla is now at 5pm on Sunday at Fisher Lakes, just got the call tonight. Not sure how I am going to dance on grass.

Jenn and Stew came over tonight and we went to the Pumpkin Patch for ice cream. Since I hopped in their car and wasn't driving I decided to get my chocolate ice cream in a cone. I can't cone & drive, but I can fry & drive . This led to a discussion with Stew on what he is able to eat while driving. No big macs, but he said he's able to eat quite a few things and drive, including the mcnugget & drive, even with dipping. That is a skill. I am impressed.

So the question is, what are your skills when it comes to the eat & drive?

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Blog goes on

So I see you all carried on a conversation on my blog while I was away today. Nice to see it being a social hotspot in my absence ;)

Had a busy stressful morning this morning but after I headed out of town, things started to go my way. Tonight went well and I was back at the hotel not long after 9pm. Will spend tomorrow morning here and then head back home. But not before mandatory stops at Costco and Leonidas :)

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Routine matters

So the belly dancing routine is coming along nicely. Need more practice this week and may get a group practice in on Saturday, in between being on call for work. Having the routine and a set goal is definitely helping me get over the period of disappointment I was having with it. The hafla is at 2pm on Sunday, location either Gothic Arches or Fisher Lakes outside, we're supposed to know later this week where exactly it will be. If anyone is interested in seeing some dancing, come on by, but please keep in mind that I am a beginner and I won't be dressed like I Dream of Jeannie.

[if you are reading this, Hi Kelly!]

Routines seem to be something I enjoy, I am noticing. This is nothing new, I am just noticing the fact that I have certain things down to a science and sometimes I like it that way. Likely the OCD tendencies coming through there :)

Went to see the urologist today for a 6 month appointment after having that test done back in December, remember, the one that was rescheduled on me 5 times? I haven't really been having any problems since, so that is good news. I don't have to see him again unless I feel I am getting worse again. I really like this doctor, he is friendly and actually seems to care enough to send me for tests, unlike the last specialist I had, who told me "take these drugs". I told him I'd had them before and they didn't work for me. He told me to take them anyway. Jackass. So kudos to my urologist, who is a really nice doctor, and while I hope I have no more problems, if I do, I'm glad he's around.

Got a notice in the mail yesterday that my property taxes were paid by my mortgage company. That I expected. It was the part where they paid the original bill, the one that was double what it was supposed to be, that wasn't so good. So I faxed them my revised bill and they will hopefully get it and apply necessary changes in time for me not to have to pay a double-looking mortgage payment. Small challenges but I love my house.

Tomorrow I am headed out of town for work and have to stay overnight in Monkey-town. I seriously hope that goes well. By not going this week, they have planned out for me in great detail what I am supposed to do. I don't expect 100% smooth sailing but hopefully it won't be too much of a pain in the ass. The only bad part is that everything I have to do is after hours, so who knows how late I'll be there tomorrow night. Hopefully not too bad. At least I remembered to ask the hotel to not put me on the side facing Main St, and in doing that they gave me an executive suite for the same price, v. nice.

Office still freezing today. No matter what I do I can't seem to find any heat.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Quick weekend update

This weekend I:

  • went to karaoke and had an absolute blast. Mare & I must do another duet soon, those are fun.
  • Spent lots of time with my brother & nephew. Brother actually spent most of his spare time properly installing my surround sound. Bigger job than I thought. I really appreciated his time.
  • Survived Father's Day shopping and got some nice stuff for Dad with my brother.
  • Spent Father's Day with family, including grandfather, Dad, brother & nephew and have a nice 4-generation picture of them all.
  • had a visit from Santa Jenn, who brought me OPI nail polish in exchange for the chocolates I had bought for her. Yay!!!
  • Had an extra belly dance class on Sunday afternoon, where we practiced our routine. Have another class tonight and then the hafla on Sunday.
  • Ran into the cast of Julius Caesar on my way out of belly dancing and got to see everyone in togas. Had a nice chat with Scott T, quickly saw others as well.
  • Listened to other 80s radio show, it sucks in comparison, but it's all I got.
  • Again missed Jaybird's radio show due to belly dance practice, may also miss hearing it this week due to hafla. Feel bad :(

Stop freezing me!

My office is freezing. Freezing!!!!! Enough with the AC already, where do you think we live, in the Sahara Desert?

Strange road names

In Harvey Station, NB, there is a street called "Hanselpacker Rd"

[Bugs Bunny voice]

Hansel? Hansel? Hansel?

[/Bugs Bunny voice]

Is it right

that I have my university diploma on the wall in my office, and right under it, the Muppet Show calendar?

Do Pigs In Space go with a BBA?

I don't want to work today. There may be frequent blog updates as I protest the fact that I have to work on a day that it is a) sunny and b) not foggy.

Friday, June 17, 2005


...I am the shit today. I was just out at lunch and had 2 guys stare at me.

It was like it was Ash Wednesday or something :D

RIP, Retro Saturday Night

I finally heard back from the Calais radio station today. It seems they have dropped the satellite feed they were carrying (which included Retro Saturday Night) in favor of local programming 24/7. They said the satellite feed's playlist was moving too close to that of their sister station, and they didn't want to duplicate playlists. Understandable.

This had become a staple of any Saturday night I spent at home. It fit right along with my "getting back to being myself" phase that I have been going through the past year. Maybe it's a sign that I've made it through that phase and am indeed back to being me.

If I find myself around Woodstock on a Saturday night, there is another station in Maine that carried the exact same feed. I can't pick it up here because it's the exact same frequency as the Christian rock station. I guess I will have to resort to the show on K100 for my 80s on Saturday night... I just don't like it as well, and there are CanCon restrictions on anything played here.


Thursday, June 16, 2005

My kitchen table & chairs

did not make the trip down from my brother's house :(

He figured since it was pouring rain all the way from there to here, it wasn't a wise idea if I don't want it to get wrecked. So now I have to come up with a plan B.

Tonight on the land of TV

is the next installment of Hit Me Baby One More Time. I have to say, after watching last week's show, I was pretty excited to see this week's lineup. I am told the first week of the show wasn't much good? Guess I didn't miss much there.

Tonight's performers include Wang Chung, Sophie B. Hawkins, Irene Cara, Howard Jones and Cameo.

Wang Chung - actually my favorite song by them is Dance Hall Days. Wish they'd play that instead but they're doing Everybody Have Fun Tonight. And in the strangest choice ever, "Hot In Herre" by Nelly. This alone will make me watch this show.

Sophie B. Hawkins - main hit was Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover. She had another song, I know it when I hear it but I forget the name. Damn... was a good tune. She has an interesting voice. Wonder how it will sound tonight. She's doing 100 Years by Five For Fighting. Not crazy about that choice. We'll see.

Irene Cara - What A Feeling, from Flashdance. She seemed to be a one-hit wonder, which is kind of sad in a way, because she could actually sing. But can she still? In the new song category, she's singing I'm Outta Love by Anastacia. Don't recall if I know that one, but she has a gentler voice than Anastacia.

Howard Jones - was/is extremely talented. I always liked his stuff. Things Can Only Get Better was probably my fave tune of his. Tonight he sings No One Is To Blame, and Dido's White Flag. Interesting choice.

Cameo - Word Up! Wonder if he'll wear his "trademark" red thingy and bring LeVar Burton with him. Cameo is also doing Bowling for Soup's 1985. I could also be heard doing this last week at karaoke. I hope Cameo does better than me... especially with the large difference of the crowd at the Somerset vs national TV.

Gonna be a fun show tonight!

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

The grass is greener on the other side

Yes, I finally called for a hydroseeding estimate today. They may be too busy to see me today, if not it will be tomorrow, but at least I finally called. It will be interesting to see exactly how much this is going to cost.

It's the same person who hydroseeded the yard of the house I grew up in, so he certainly has experience in it. I don't even remember us getting hydroseed, granted I was only 2 1/2 when we moved into that house.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Change of plans

I'm not going out of town this week. Won't be until next week.

I can still get the chocolate for you guys but it won't be 20% off next week. If anyone heads to Moncton this weekend, it's on sale until Sunday.

Store Wars

OMG, if you haven't seen this yet, you MUST go take a look:

May The Farm Be With You....

Sent to me by my older brother :D

TBS Syndrome

You know when you're flipping by TBS, and you see there's a movie on, and despite the fact that you've seen it ZILLIONS of times, you still get sucked in and end up watching the whole rest of the movie? I've dubbed that the TBS Syndrome.

That happened to me last night, except not with a movie. I had my stereo on while I was working away at my computer, listening to some piece of crap CD I had made 2 years ago. It was just after 11pm and I had wrapped up an email. Turned off the PC and went to go clean up a couple of things and get ready for bed, when the cd changed over to Duran Duran... so there I am, up until midnight listening to music I've heard ZILLIONS of times, but just can't force myself to go to bed because I want to hear the next song.

Damn you TBS and your syndrome.

p.s. to Lisa: Neil! Neeeeeeeeil! Neil!

Monday, June 13, 2005

Monday the 13th

Well it is. There's no denying that.

Pretty slow day today, kids. Not much going on in the life of Liz. Got up this morning in my usual zombie-like state and went to work. Took a walk at lunch. Went home after work, continued my laundry and headed off to dance class.

We've gotten all of the parts of our routine now. The instructor made up one part on the fly and changed it about 6 times. We refer to this section of the music as "the slow part" and it always seems to be the toughest. Definitely need to get practice in, I know I can nail it if I spend more time on it. The instructor has asked us to show up at the Sunday class and then we'll get an extra rehearsal in, then another on our last class Monday night, then the following Sunday is the next hafla. If anyone is interested in coming, let me know.

I really need to work on my arm movements. Most of the time I am what the instructor calls "dead bird". Except for the arms on the hip bumps, I seem to flow really well with that one. Or at least I think I do, there are no mirrors and I can't see myself.

So the rumors are flying again about our fair city getting a Costco. All I can say is it had better damn well be true this time. We've waited long enough. And how awesome would it be if it was in Lorneville? So close to my house! It would also do a lot to pick up the image of Lorneville, and maybe even drive more business there. Other businesses tend to build around Costco once one shows up. Bring it on, baby, bring it on.

btw, trip to Moncton for work will be Wednesday. Belgian chocolate is 20% off right now until Father's Day. Let me know if you want any.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Knives are an investment.

Knives are an investment.
Knives are an investment.


Friday night saw me heading out again for some karaoke. I briefly thought about not singing but got over it. It's more fun when I do. I arrived there after 6pm and Mare and Lisa were standing chatting but there was no karaoke going on. It seemed there was a little thing about a power cord missing. I did eventually arrive by cab, and karaoke was back on. We all discovered the huge difference in R. Kelly's Ignition and the remix for Ignition. Watching Suzy up there reading the words, looking mortified as to how she was going to sing that out loud and then laughing her way through it because it was so ridiculous, that was hilarious. Kudos to Suzy for giving that one the old college try!!! Note to self: never sing R. Kelly's Ignition (original). Or the remix for that matter, I actually hate that song :P

My selections for the evening were Vertical Horizon's Everything You Want (I was meh on that one, a little too low, I won't sing it again). Avril Lavigne's My Happy Ending, where I could not hit a single note and was just torturing the audience, so I changed the last line to be "Thank God this song is ending". Gave Maroon 5's Sunday Morning another stab, I think I'll keep working on that one. Jenn and I got up to do Dolly Parton's 9 to 5, which is a fast song without a lot of breaks but I seemed to remember the rhythm right away and thought I did a decent job with it, and it was fun to sing with a partner. Finally I got up to sing some more Duran Duran, this time The Reflex, when suddenly out of the corner of my eye I see backup dancers coming at me. I started laughing, and then Suzy and Anthony went all out, at one point there was a shirt around me, I could barely get the song out I was laughing so hard. So much fun!

btw, either Scott M or Scott T, will you sing Human League's "Don't You Want Me" next time you're there? I need a partner :)

Knives are an investment.

After karaoke we hit Vito's again, I had some caesar for supper but no dessert. I think I'll try not to leave supper that late again, while I was waiting for my food my energy level took a sharp drop since I hadn't eaten much since lunch. With the meal done, I headed home pretty much exhausted, voice a little scratchy from singing and chatting without a lot of water-drinking. Checked my email and decided I was too tired to write a proper response without staying up until some ungodly hour, so I wrote a quick note and went to bed. Should have just stayed up and replied. Despite being exhausted I couldn't sleep, brain was filled with what I wanted to say in return and so I was restless.

Knives are an investment.


Saturday morning I got up and wrote email. Took a shower. Read the reply which had surprisingly but happily arrived earlier than I expected. Started another, but ran out of time as I had my hair appointment waiting.

Got my hair cut & highlighted, so much better now. If I let it go it would just be a dirty, bland, boring blond that looked like crap. No thanks. That's what hair color is for, and thankfully my hair does color beautifully. So much so that my stylist keeps telling me she'd love for me to be a hair model, but that wouldn't be so great to show up at work with some wild haircut/color. It's not like I have to deal with the public in my job, but I am sure my co-workers would look at me pretty strangely if I did something like that. Maybe I should consider it sometime? I'm not much of a risk-taker though.

Knives are an investment.

Hair took a while so I headed straight to church from there. Called Lisa & Anthony just before I went in to see if I could pick them up right after I was done, saving me an extra trip across the bridge. Church seemed to be rather empty, that mass is usually well-attended but there were fewer people than normal. When I got out, the sun started to break through, and I was thankful to see it for the BBQ I was headed to next.

Picked up Anthony & Lisa, then their friend Al, then went to get B but realized I didn't have any more room in my backseat, so he had to drive himself (sorry about that B!) We went back to my house so I could change (I was overdressed for the sunny weather) grab my food and headed to the Booze Hut and Sobeys. While at Sobeys I passed by the spaghetti sauce that was on sale so I picked it up while I was there, much to the amusement of Anthony who had to ask if I was buying it for the BBQ. Then we were off to Nic & Sean's place for BBQ extraorinaire.

Very nice apartment, I do still love (and miss) the heritage architecture. Nic & Sean were great hosts, thanks so much for having a complete stranger over! We sat around and chatted, ate some food, and had some great times. Highlights included the danceoff between Suzy and Anthony, which had been suggested on Friday night so we had to make sure they went through with it. Suzy won. I took some pictures and there is one that will definitely make the wall.

Knives are an investment.

There was also the banana bread that Nic so nicely made at Anthony's request. Having discovered that Anthony loves banana bread, I've now found my resolution to the problem of me only being able to eat about half of one when I make it. Anthony was so excited about the bread that he had to take a round of pictures with it. I designated myself the official slicer due to the fact that I am known for making straight slices (one of my strange skills) so I also ended up being in on the picture action. How the sober girl ends up in pictures posing with banana bread is beyond me.

I've also discovered that I am also an enabler. Anthony was enjoying his Mike's Hard Berry so much that I offered to drive him back to the liquor store a half hour before it closed to get some more, and then he ended up sharing with Micah and Al so we took the obligatory product shot of the 3 of them with their drinks.

Great night, great BBQ, had an awesome time. Thanks again for the invite and the hospitality!

Came home and finished my email, was up until 1:45am, but had my radio show been on, I would have normally been up that late on Saturday night anyway. Still wasn't on last night, I checked on the drive home. I am going to have to get my sources on that and see what happened.


Forced myself up at 10am so I might feel like sleeping tonight. Just finished crawling out of and making the bed when Jenn called, asking if we wanted to see Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants at 12:10, with a stop in the north end first. So I picked up my groggy pace, got dressed, ate a muffin, checked email, and headed out to pick up Jenn.

Knives are an investment.

The movie was good but there were a lot of things they changed from the book that didn't need to be changed, so we were a bit disappointed. During one scene you could hear practically every woman in the theatre crying (me included, couldn't help it, but hey, I wasn't alone!). The actresses were good in the roles, I especially thought Amber Tamblyn was really good as Tibby, but the other 3 were really good too. I just wish they had kept the Greece storyline resembling the book, they totally changed it. The cool part was you could tell they filmed the Wallman's parts in Zellers, because the tags on the shelves were Zellers tags!!! Jenn and I giggled and said "Zellers! Cool!" Shopping nerds :)

A little ways into the movie, the thought actually occurred to me that this might be a Scott M and Anthony pick. You guys watched From Justin To Kelly, so why not this one? It does have teenage girls in their underwear.

After the movie, Jenn went with me for some shopping I've been meaning to do, needed to get laundry supplies and wanted a second cutting board so I also made a trip to Winners. Walking into Winners I said, you know, I really need a new Chef's knife. Lo and behold, Liz walked out of Winners with $80 in knives/a sharpener. I've been trying to rationalize my excessive spending on the fact that knives are an investment. Really, they are. I do enjoy good quality knives. They are much easier to work with. I have a problem.

Next was Wal-Mart. As I was walking down the aisle to grab some chip dip, I noticed one of those Rollback signs they have up all over the place. Suddenly I had a moment. I turned to Jenn and said, "So if Gwen Stefani worked at Wal-Mart, would she be a Rollaback Girl?" Jenn rolled her eyes at me, as I laughed my butt off, and then I realized only my brother would truly appreciate that joke. Out came the cell phone and I was calling him in Montreal. He laughed heartily and said he would have thought the same thing had he been in Wal-Mart. Then he asked me if that was the only reason I called :) Chatted with him for another minute, we still have no idea what to do for Dad for Father's Day. Anyone have any suggestions? My Dad is really difficult to shop for. He has everything. If he doesn't have something, he goes out and buys it. He dislikes gift certificates. Time is running out and I have to do something.

Headed over to the mall and picked up a few things there. I bought a couple of cute graphic Ts but when I got them home, one of them had a hole in it, and the other was too small to use for layering so now I'm going to have to take them back. Unfortunate.

Came home, went for a walk, had some supper, am doing laundry now as I blog. That's it for me.

Knives are an investment.

Friday Feast #51

Name one thing that made you sad this week.

Well, I have had a lot of emotions this week, a good number of them revolving around mice, but let's see. I'd have to say being in church made me sad, because of the uncertainty of what will happen to it. I think that sadness will be with me for a while. It's like I need to remember every moment I spend there because it may not always be around.

What was the last object (not person) you took a picture of?

Oh no. I can't lie. It was the penis cake from the bachelorette party.

Who do you talk to when you need help in making a decision?

Depends on the subject. If it's anything to do with my house or fixing things, I talk to my Dad. If it's to do with cleaning/baking/anything medical, I ask my mom (when she's speaking to me). If I need my ass kicked or brutal honesty, I call T-L.

Main Course
If you were a weather event, what would you be, and why?

I'd have to say a high pressure system, because it brings with it clear skies and hopefully a sunny day.

Suggest a website that you think your readers would enjoy visiting.

I've been finding Dana's Dirt quite entertaining lately.

Friday, June 10, 2005

Thursday Night Drinkin' BBQ

So quite the night last night. Sitting in my house are 9 empty Coronas, 4 coolers, 4 Mikes, and there were some empties Stew took home with him, and that was for 5 people (not including me of course).

By the time Lisa, Jay and I got back from running errands at Kents and a stop at the grocery store and Booze Hut, it was close to 7. My BBQ decided it was going to act up, so Stew went and filled the tank but that wasn't the issue. He then managed to clean out the burner and voila, we had fire again (yay Stew! I'd already bought enough BBQ parts lately, I didn't want to buy any more).

We had our meal outside but it was getting kind of chilly so we had to wear jackets, but dammit, we were gonna eat outside! Anthony showed up later having been chauffeured by yet another strange cab driver, this one a racist as he kept saying "the Chinese are coming" and were soon going to take over the city. We have some very strange cabbies around here. Managed to get the patio lanterns out, they looked nice. Jenn is right though, I do need more of them.

Dusk came and the mosquitoes started biting so we moved inside. Jay and I geeked out on some obscure 80s music for his upcoming radio show. Drunk Jenn started drunk dialing but then her phone went dead, so no more calls :( Later we watched Hit Me Baby 1 More Time, where Vanilla Ice won the hearts of the studio audience, but The Knack really did well too. Haddaway singing Toxic was pretty funny! Next week's show is gonna rock.

Thankfully no dreams of mice last night, I was afraid that would be all I was thinking about, but luckily I don't remember any dreams of mice. I think I dreamt that someone was looking in on me when I was sleeping, that was kind of strange.

I sent the pics of last night to Anthony to post for us. As usual, you can tell where the sober pics end and the drunk pics begin :)

Thanks for coming over! Let's do the last-minute BBQ again soon :D

Thursday, June 09, 2005

I feel like chicken tonight, chicken tonight

BBQ at my place tonight, since it's going to suck this weekend. We may even have the luxury of eating outside!!! Who's with me?

What's that smell?

That's been the question in my office for the last day or two. Smells rather like raw sewage. Or, as I thought today, maybe it's dead mice in the walls. I've been slacking off on "mouse watch" when I come into my office every morning because I haven't seen any evidence since the traps were put out.

I looked under my desk and there's a f***ing mouse on the sticky paper. I jumped up and bounced out of my office, skin crawling, while my co-worker disposed of it.

How many days had it been under my desk? AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Time to clean everything again. I can still smell the bastard in here [insert vomiting sounds here]

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Trunkfull of chicken and modems

How's that for a subject?

Around 11:15 this morning I got a call at work that some equipment arrived in Moncton, so the decision was do I go up there today and install it, and also try and fix something on the server, and being there at the end of the day so I could reboot/potentially rip it open would be good; or, do I go tomorrow, actually having some time to prepare? In the end I decided, eh, let's go now. So half an hour later I was racing home to change into dirty manufacturing plant-friendly clothing, grabbed my cooler for the chicken I wanted to get at Costco, had a very quick conversation with Jenn to see if she wanted Belgian chocolate (well ok, not if, but what kinds). Stopped for gas and away I went.

My trip was for the most part quite successful. Got a few things figured out, and also got an update on the other equipment I had been waiting for, so it looks like another trip to Moncton around the 20th or 21st.

One of the pieces of equipment I was installing was a modem. I ordered it last week and today arrived a box of 10. It seems the supplier shipped us the wrong amount. So I packed them up in my trunk and will have to drop them off to the vendor tomorrow. If I was someone without a conscience, I'd sell them on Ebay and make some money. But since I am a goodie-good with a healthy dose of Catholic guilt, I can't do it.

Managed to get to all but one of the places I wanted to get while in Monkey-town. Began at Costco, got the chicken, some shampoo, bodywash, 3 books, a magazine, bottles of Coke and a really nice sprinkler for my "lawn". I now own a 100' kink-free hose, spray nozzles for said hose, and a great sprinkler. Now I just need the lawn to use this stuff on.

Hit Chapters for a book I knew they had in stock but didn't here, and stumbled on another book massively on sale with an additional 10% off with discount card. Hit the mall for the chocolate, which ended up being 20% off starting today, hello! Bought a nice tank top for less than half price at American Eagle. Bought 2 basic Ts at the Gap which were abnormally on sale. Kind of got on a spending roll tonight, not a good thing. I could feel myself being unstoppable... so that's when I decided I'd better stop single-handedly supporting the economy of Moncton and get back home :) At least a lot of what I bought was on sale or I got a discount. I also tend to rationalize the Costco purchases by saying it will be cheaper in the long run. Let's just say I won't need paper towel for the next year or so.

I have to marry rich, you all realize this, right? There simply is no other way.

Spammentary #1

Lately there have been some very strange subject lines in the spam I've been receiving, and I feel the need to comment on it:

3 chicks in one night

Well, a hen can only lay so many eggs; or
Yeah, not in your lifetime, buddy.

how are you

Fine thanks, how are you? What's that? Sorry, no, I don't have any sperm volume to increase. Go get a real job and stop hounding me with spam.

Remember the old days?

Are you trying to get me to buy a record from K-Tel? Does it have "Louisiana Woman/Mississippi Man"?

It's not working like it used to?

No, really, it's not. It hasn't been the same since that time I pushed it down 3 flights of stairs.

Impress your wife

I'd be impressed if I had a wife. And likely so would Scum.

Want something extra in bed?

Uhhh, yeah, I believe it's called "a man".

And last but not least, one of the weirdest subjects I have seen in a long time, sent to me by "Devious":

Crocodile: New antidote found.

I guess I never realized how much of a market there was for crocodile antidote. Hang on, there's a crocoldile on the Discovery Channel... I'm not feeling well... quick, get me the crocodile antidote!!

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Interesting commentary

I read through all of your comments as they came in this afternoon. It's easier to tell someone else to "go for it" than it is to actually do it yourself, isn't it, especially coming from those of you who are currently attached and comfortable in your relationships. It's still a crazy world out there for us single people. I find it funny that most of the comments coming back at me were ones telling me I should "go for it" or "at least go for coffee", when I had already decided the answer was going to be no. I had already started drafting the reply when I posted that entry (granted work and choosing the right words kept me from sending it until about 4:30).

Points taken on immediate sparks. However, I believe there has to be some kind of level of interest in order to do anything. I'm not sure that stating you only want friendship and then continuing to hang out with the person is the right way to go for someone you've just met and has expressed an interest in more than friendship. I think it gives the person a sense that there's still a chance, "well, maybe I can change her mind". I just don't feel that way, and I don't want to give that impression. I have a strong sense of not wanting to investigate this, and I don't want to waste anyone's time with false hopes over coffee, even if the term friendship is thrown around at every juncture.

The vision I was having of thinking about this person in anything more than a professional respect just brought one word to mind: "ew". Think of it as dating your friend's 45 year-old uncle. This is the vision stuck in my head. I suck at judging ages, so I don't know if he's even that age, probably not, but it's just the impression in my head. I don't intend for this to sound mean, I am just trying to describe my impression of the situation, so this is why I had an immediate answer of no. So yes, I wrote and let him down as nicely as possible.

Maybe I'm superficial. I haven't been in the past, none of my exes would be described by the general public as being "hot". But you just get a picture of two people in your head, and sometimes it looks right, and sometimes it just seems way off. This is one of those way off times. Could I picture this person hanging out with us at karaoke? Watching movies? etc? It just did not work in my head, it seemed so out of place. There is no physical attraction there whatsoever.

For me, being "asked out" or finding out that someone is interested in me happens so rarely that part of me feels like if I don't accept whatever comes along, I don't have any right to complain about being alone. But it all comes back to that issue of settling. I have set things that I want. One of those things is finding someone roughly my age. I guess there is always room for exceptions, it's just that this person did not interest me enough to break outside of that range.

There is also that whole part about my self-confidence not being so great. I promised myself that I would get better at that before thinking of starting another relationship. As they say, how can you love someone else when you don't even love yourself? So I need more time with that. It's funny, I was actually reflecting to myself in the shower this morning how great it was that there was no one else around to mess up my stuff, or have to split bathroom time with. I am in liking-being-alone mode again. It's a phase, I am sure it will pass :P

You just never know what's going to happen from one day to the next.

Well, it IS June...

Last week, on June 1st, I went to a mini-conference (to which I wore the new suit I had recently gotten a steal of a deal on). I sat chatting with a few people from my table, some older, some roughly my age. I talked to one guy who was around my age, and not wearing a ring, and I thought to myself, hey, it'd be cool if he asked me out, I'd be interested in that.

Sitting here working away this morning, I just got an email. I started to read it and realized it was someone asking me out. But it wasn't the similar-aged guy I had been talking to, it was one of the older-than-me guys I was talking to. Extremely flattering email, as he said I had left quite an impression on him, he mentioned how simply yet elegantly I was dressed compared to everyone else. I blushed as I read it, as I don't get compliments from strangers very often.

Alas, I am going to have to turn the very nice man down. I know, some of you will say I should at least go out with him for coffee as he suggests, but I just don't have any kind of interest in this guy and I don't want to give the wrong impression. He seems very nice, and I am really flattered by his comments, but there was no spark for me. This time around I was hoping to see some sparks. Too easily I talk myself into a relationship because someone else finds me interesting or attractive, but I don't necessarily feel the same way in return. I am trying not to get myself in trouble yet again.

Monday, June 06, 2005

Some event additions

I have settled on June 25th for Hitchcock Night. You're invited and I hope you can come. Perhaps closer to that date people can RSVP so I can get a head count. I'll ask for that later.

I'm also trying to decide which weekend in July to hold the Live Aid viewing. This is also dependent upon whether or not I have a yard that isn't a mudpit. I will likely roll it all into House-iversary weekend. If I don't have a yard, I'll just make it an indoor thing.

We were also discussing dates for the luau. It needs to be during the best weather period, so mid to late July or very early August, I think.

Also planning a shopping trip to Portland, ME for those interested. So far Jenn and I are going for sure. It will have to be during the week in order to get a reasonable price on a hotel room, plus it will be less busy then anyway. Let me know if you're serious about going.

I came. I sang. I left.


Friday was the big "help with wedding decorations" day. Turns out when we arrived at the yacht club, everything was pretty much done and we weren't really needed. So off to the Somerset.

Arriving at karaoke on Friday night, we quickly realized we had the bar to ourselves. Knowing that Lisa loves karaoke but not singing by herself the WHOLE night, we had a mission. I somehow decided I would be part of the mission, and got up to sing. A bunch of times actually. So for those of you who missed it, too bad, that may have been your only chance. Not sure if I'll have the guts to do it again. I could hear myself sucking, but everyone was nice enough to not tell me I sucked and clapped wholeheartedly for me. This one goes out to the supportive table at the back...


Saturday was another trip to the Calais mailbox with Jenn, who received lots of fun craft stuff and some neat cards. We did the usual visits to Wal-Mart, Shop N' Save and Mardens. Didn't buy anything all that exciting, some more groceries and a new contour bathmat on sale for $2, which was exactly what I had been looking for.

St. Stephen was actually the warmest place in the country on Saturday, at 31 degrees. I was of course dressed for Saint John weather, so wearing jeans in that heat wasn't the most comfortable. But it was so sunny and nice, it was awesome.

Then was the usual drive into depression-type weather on our way home. At least 10 degrees cooler and not sunny at all. I had to put my jacket back on because I was cold. As we got closer to home we called Lisa to see if she had come through on her threat to hang out on my deck that afternoon, but alas, no answer. So I drove Jenn home and headed straight off to church.

After church we decided to gather at my place and have some BBQ. Also watched "In Good Company" which wasn't bad. Jenn and Stew brought a bunch of games but the lethargic level of the group was so high that even putting the movie in the DVD player seemed like a lot of effort.

Oh, and AGAIN, my radio show was not on. But I did realize I had used the wrong email address, so today I will be writing to the station again and asking where the hell my show is.


Another day of sloth-like behaviour. I read a whole book. After that I went for my walk, so I could justify the fact that I sat on the couch all day. Cooked myself some tasteless supper (noodles were kind of bland, and so was the chicken for that matter). After that I felt like watching a movie, so I stuck in Four Weddings and A Funeral. Cleaned the shower. Cleaned the kicthen up from dinner mess. Did my ironing. Attempted to go to sleep. I say "attempted" because again I was stricken with Sunday Night Disease, where if you've slept in too late in the morning, you can't sleep Sunday night.

Dance class

Tonight I have dance class. My enjoyment of dance class has gone downhill quite a bit in the last few weeks. This is due to a bunch of things, I think the most significant being I haven't been practicing. I haven't wanted to practice, really. I just don't feel like it. Last session, she introduced us to our dance routine halfway through the session, and then I had something to work towards. Tonight is week 8 (out of 10) and she's just starting our routine tonight. Maybe then I'll be a little more interested in working on getting a series of the steps down.

Lately I've just found it really frustrating. There are some steps that I just can't get. The kind of steps I know I won't be good at even with a bunch of practice. I've also tried to ask the instructor questions, but she either isn't hearing me or is ignoring me, and since I'm not a forceful/loud/aggressive person, I just let it drop. Balance is an issue for me too, there are a series of steps we have to do on the balls of our feet and I just can't stay in balance. Same problem I had when I was learning to ride a bike, I could never keep my balance long enough to get off the training wheels.

So I don't know whether I'll be continuing with more classes in the fall or not. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that the weather is nicer, it's light out at night. When it was winter and it was dark, all I'd normally be doing is sitting in the house watching TV, so getting out and going to class was something good to do. Now I don't feel like being pent up in a room sucking at steps I just can't get. I don't know, we'll see how this routine goes and I'll have the summer off to think about it.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Friday Feast #50

What comes to mind when you hear the word bizarre?

What every Canadian would think of if they watched any TV in the 80s - John Byner. And Super Dave Osbourne.

Using just a few words, describe your childhood.

Comfortable. Bountiful. Fun. Warm.

Name one thing you do each day that you feel improves your appearance.

The first thing I do in the morning is get up and wash my face so it is clean & presentable.

Main Course
On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being highest, how would you rate your self-confidence?

Ha! Likely a 4. I don't really think I'm particularly all that good at anything. I usually think I look ok until I see myself in the mirror. I try to avoid mirrors. And having my picture taken, but I am trying to get better at that.

Where did you last find a bargain?

I bought the designer suit I wore earlier this week at Frenchy's. It cost me more to dry clean it than it did to buy it. Oh, and ketchup was on sale at Zellers last week, does that count?

Thursday, June 02, 2005

It's that time of year

The birds are chirping, the grass is green, the leaves are sprouting, and the Harbour Bridge is under repair.

Having lived on the West side for the majority of my life, I certainly expect this to happen every year. It's a lot better than it used to be. I remember the days when half the bridge was closed from May-late August/early September. They wouldn't work on weekends or in the evening at all. Strictly a 9-5, weekday, sunny weather only operation. No wonder it took so freakin' long. Thankfully now it takes a few weeks, and they've only closed 1/4 lanes... for now.

For those who think taking the Reversing Falls will be better because of the traffic tie-ups, don't bother. It's worse. You would have been better off just sitting in line on the Harbour Bridge. I've been burned a few times with that thinking.

I have attempted a couple of times this week to drive home shortly after 5pm but the traffic is pretty bad, especially last night where there was also an accident at the intersection of Paradise Row and Somerset St. Of course, by "bad" I don't mean Toronto-esque, but it will take me twice as long to get home.

So I think I've come up with a plan. I generally try to go for a walk when I get home, before having supper. I am thinking why don't I just walk Harbour Passage after work for about an hour, and then tackle the bridge an hour later. That won't alleviate all the lineups but should avoid the busiest time. And I will have already gotten my walk in by the time I get home. I think this will be my plan while the bridge is under repair, barring anything else that comes up that I need to get done.

It's funny, last week was a short week that felt long, and this week was a long week that felt short. I keep looking at the calendar and convincing myself that it is Thursday. Tomorrow is Friday and another weekend is almost here. This weekend sees me helping Mare decorate for her brother's wedding on Friday night. Saturday Jenn and I are making a run for the border again to hit the mailbox (if anyone wants to come, drop me a line).

As now seems the norm, they are now calling for showers on the weekend. Again. This would make the 5th weekend in a row with rain. This week, and especially last night, has been beautiful... the only problem being I have been stuck in an office for most of it. I don't want showers this weekend, come on, we need a break.

Why do certain people insist on putting their fingerprints all over your monitor when they are pointing at something? Do they put fingerprints all over their windows at home? What causes people to do this? If I want to point, I'll point without touching the monitor or point with a pen or something, but rubbing your finger all over my monitor is kind of rude. Thanks for making a mess on my stuff, jackass.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Good riddance May, Hello June

So that month of crappiness is over, woo-hoo! I said hello to June this morning by sleeping in a little longer, attending a small conference in my Nicole Miller suit, and basically just being glad to turn the page on the calendar.

If you've been stopping by you'll notice I haven't been updating in almost a week. Not a whole lot to say really. This past weekend was the first anniversary of the breakup and grandmother dying, so can't say I was in that great of a mood, particularly on Saturday. Thankfully Sunday brought some distractions and I was doing better.

Also got my dryer fixed this week, it had been making squeaky and lurchy noises. Supposedly the tensioner belt was dry so after some greasing up it is working much better now.

You know there's not a whole lot going on when you're discussing your dryer.

I am growing increasingly on edge about the lack of lawn. I feel like I am under some kind of deadline, which I am totally not. It's been raining too much to do anything anyway. I guess I feel like I need a plan, then at least I know what I'm working towards. My landscape architect doesn't sound like she'll be able to come down anytime soon (I like saying that I have my own landscape architect, I feel cool). Regan sounds like she'll be stranded in Fredericton for the forseeable future. I could go up there, but I'd like to actually be standing on the land as I think about how to plan things. She's been pretty busy at work but is supposed to send me some stuff soon.

Sat out on my deck last night reading. It was nice, a little chilly (I am always cold) but definitely no reason to sit inside until the sun began to set. I started and finished a book in one evening, I don't think I've ever done that before. Granted it was a re-read and a very easy read at that, but still, I surprised myself by getting it done. I love reading a book that way, start to finish in one sitting. It's so rare to have the time to do that but it's great, you never lose the story.

Well, lunch time for me. I guess I'll raid the food box here in the office and not bother going out. Want to go for a walk but since I have a suit on that's not very conducive to walking... definitely not in these shoes :) I should have brought a change of clothes.

I have a steak set out for supper tonight... if anyone else is feeling like BBQ, come on over.