Last week, on June 1st, I went to a mini-conference (to which I wore the new suit I had recently gotten a steal of a deal on). I sat chatting with a few people from my table, some older, some roughly my age. I talked to one guy who was around my age, and not wearing a ring, and I thought to myself, hey, it'd be cool if he asked me out, I'd be interested in that.
Sitting here working away this morning, I just got an email. I started to read it and realized it was someone asking me out. But it wasn't the similar-aged guy I had been talking to, it was one of the older-than-me guys I was talking to. Extremely flattering email, as he said I had left quite an impression on him, he mentioned how simply yet elegantly I was dressed compared to everyone else. I blushed as I read it, as I don't get compliments from strangers very often.
Alas, I am going to have to turn the very nice man down. I know, some of you will say I should at least go out with him for coffee as he suggests, but I just don't have any kind of interest in this guy and I don't want to give the wrong impression. He seems very nice, and I am really flattered by his comments, but there was no spark for me. This time around I was hoping to see some sparks. Too easily I talk myself into a relationship because someone else finds me interesting or attractive, but I don't necessarily feel the same way in return. I am trying not to get myself in trouble yet again.
51 comments:
Regardless, it is nice to get a compliment. I'm glad others are noticing how absolutely fabulous you are! ^_^
I say you should at least go for coffee with him. But be honest with yourself during coffee. Don't try to see things that aren't there. There was no "spark" when I first met Gary. It wasn't until after our second or third date that I really fell for him.
Plus, you have to admit, the guy has great taste!!!
There is a theory that says any man you have an IMMEDIATE spark with is not for you (I don't always agree but it's something to think about). You might be amazed at what developes after you cultivate a friendship with someone for a few weeks or months. As long as he has the expectation that you are just interested in friendship for now, I don't see any problem. PS. if you go out with him wear giant hoops.
I'd suggest going out with him, but you know yourself best.
The compliment is cool in either case.
and capri pants. with a 3/4 length sleeve top.
also, you're older, scott... so very much older... decrepit comes to mind... no, not really.
and there is a lot to be said for the getting to know each other. but there's also something about being attracted to the person too, guys. i mean, i'm all about the 6-pack and tight ass. ;)
Instant spark would make me more worried than an interest of the mind. Hot is one thing, definitely, however, soemtimes one can develop the spark after they learn more about what's underneath.
Also, you can be totally upfront with him as people have noted...tell him you're not lokoing for anything serious, but are open to a new friendship and use it as an experiencing tool...as the first experience after without having any of the pressures or expectations or hopes that may attach to one that you feel said sparkes with that would throw you off.
I like Suzy's note of making sure what the expectatinos are, and if Vagis giving it a thumbs up to try, then I say go for it!!
No matter what, it's good to know you've still got it going on when someone notices and is struck enough to let you know. YOU GO GIRL!!!
lol, i was just going to say that. :P
Where's Scum? I feel a tasteless comment coming on...
Okay, Okay, I deserve that one :)
Admittedly, that wasn't the best choice of words to string together in that sentence...What else would you expect from me?!?! heheh
I say kudos to ya for realizing he's not necessarily what you're looking for. BUT... instant sparks can also cloud other more nasty stuff. I say go for coffee. Just enjoy the time out with someone new.
Roomie was talking to a fellow on the bus the other day who was about to celebrate his 60th wedding anniversary. When asked what the secret was... ya gotta be friends first before it becomes anything else 'cause ya can fight with a friend and move on together with a new respect for one another.
So.... go make a new friend. If it goes further then great. If not then ya had a coffee which can never ever be bad (unless it's Tim's coffee).
Why hasn't anyone brought up the potential for liz to have a nice Sugar Daddy to keep her satisfied?
Might be just the solution for that backyard/lawn problem I keep reading about!
Hehehehe!! True enough! I did just pass up a potential yardwork-enhanced relationship.
John: Mare and I have decided that you'd fit in quite nicely with our group up here, so we suggest you leave boring old Californ-i-a and head to foggy, I mean, beatuiful Saint John, NB. C'mon, free health care, whadda ya say? D n' D every Sunday with the guys? I also know a really nice single redhead who just moved back to town :)
I can tell you... that's the best offer I've had in a long time. A very long time!
You and your group sound like a really fun bunch of people and I really love reading about all of your exploits. Mare's inability to use capital letters really intrigues me too....
Of course, I have to grab a sweater and a warm blanket whenever the temperature drifts below 75-- not sure how I'd handle Canada!
75, hehehe. Yeah. No so much with the heat here. Right now, at 9pm, it is 48. Yesterday's high was 55. We are supposed to see 77 on Saturday, but I am sure those of us living in sight of the harbour will see it 10 degrees cooler than that.
Sorry, I am perpetuating the Canada=cold stereotype there. Really it's not always cold. An hour up the road they have super-hot summers. It's because we have the Bay of Fundy, nature's air conditioner and fog-provider, that our weather happens to suck here.
Ok, we're all moving to Irvine, CA. I don't know what the hell I'm doing here in the cold anyway.
I just looked up where exactly that was in CA. You live near Newport Beach, which I hear is being flooded by tourists looking for The O.C landmarks?
it's not that i am unable to use capital letters, it's that i choose not to. i dunno, i've been doing it ever since uni. i was once told it's an e.e. cummings thing - and while that's so, rarely do i randomly throw letters over the page without some semblance of significance.
yes, it is cold. and you would have to use celsius to tell temperature, for fahrenheit means nothing up here. nothing! but it's canada so it's frickin' freezing in the winter, and summer is what, july 17th or some similar day.
fyi john, liz and i have taken to calling you "california john" and scott m. wants to know if you're a cousin to indiana jones.
Yeah I translated the temperatures so it would make sense to California John. Had to look it up though, since it doesn't mean anything to me either. Never understood the whole 32=freezing point thing. 0 makes much more sense.
Though CJ if you did know temperatures in celsius I apologize for the assumption (and I would also be duly impressed).
Yes, The O.C. has been a bane to all self-respecting, native Californians (which I am).
I live about a 10 minute drive east and a little south of Disneyland, to give you an even better idea of my location. My job is located in an industrial park on the University of California, Irvine campus and about 2 miles from the Pacific Ocean.
And don't believe 90% of what you see in The O.C. It's all lies, I tell you, lies!
Except that we don't really have any seasons here. That part is true. It is beautiful nearly year round. ;-)
Isn't it kind of strange to have an industrial park on a university campus?
why? not if they have polytechnical studies, they could roll over research right into industry and capitalise on academic grants/studies at the same time.
is california humid? what kind of warm is it?
there's quite the thunderstorm coming downriver right now.
Yeah, definitely. My lights almost went out a minute ago.
California is the picture of perfect weather. I hate to say it but Hollywood has pretty nailed it. 22-27C is the average temperature with low humidity, but it's not overly dry (not sure the %). We tend to pout when the sun is hidden for two consecutive days. CJ has the added benefit of being a short trip to the beach!
A note for the athletically minded, So Cal is one of the few places that you can surf in the morning and snow ski in the afternoon.
Ready for a vacation yet?
Thank you for the celsius, that puts things in nice perpective for the blog readers here :)
22 would be considered a good day here. 27 is rare unless you're 15-20 minutes outside the city. I rarely wear shorts because it would have to be pretty hot for me to be too warm. I also have no idea why I have 2 neighbors around me with pools... they must be heated.
Sunshine, heat, warm beach, no fog, no snow, no cold... I feel a pun coming on...
CalJohn, take me away!
That's my buddy, Chris, who I've gotten hooked on your blog as well.
UCI uses the industrial park in a couple of ways; more revenue and as a place where undergrads and grads can go for work experience.
As to Indiana Jones-- No, no relation. Although I do own a brown fedora and a leather jacket.
I'm also curious who the sacrificial Redhead is?
You've offered me free healthcare, a Redhead, and DnD... now if you just have a comic book store (my other vice) all of my needs will be met!
And to Mare-- ee cummings is a favorite of mine! As a writer by profession as well as by habit, I am so ingrained in proper prose that I have a hard time NOT adding proper punctuation and capitalization.
Lastly, Southern CA is mostly lightly humid; rarely does it get about 10-20% except maybe for 2 months out of the year (usualy May-ish and August-ish).
yeah, who is the sacrificial redhead, asks the (usually only) redhead. alas, no comic book store. scott, care to detail?
Mare, I was thinking of AJ as the "other Redhead" since she is single and recently moved back to town. She's working with my cousin at the "phone company". We've known her since high school. Very nice girl, she's a year older than us, which makes her turning 31 sometime this year. We should invite her over sometime. She'd have fun at karaoke, I am sure.
didn't she just move in with her boyfriend in fredericton? like, a month ago? with big hoopla?
Um the comic book stores are here in Halifax. Just a short drive away. Not far enough away to warrant cancelling the move from CA. Just a day trip really!
Wha? Ok, maybe I am way out of the loop. When I ran into her a few months ago she had just moved back here from Halifax and had broken up with scummy lawyer boyfriend.
There's a lovely Gamezilla for all your comic/rpg/video game needs not five minutes from my place. So, you're all set, CalJohn.
Don't trust them CalJohn... they're organ harvesters, looking for American kidney's to sell on the black market. I barely escaped!
kidneys, not kidney's, vag. you are not selling something belonging to kidney, you are selling the object itself.
yeesh, people with the improper use of the possessive. as if i was all miss grammar thing.
Sorry Mare... for some reason I've had stray apostrophes jumping into my writing recently... I have no idea why. I am properly chastised.
"properly chastised" would be a good name for a band.
Do I really need my kidneys?
So, we have gained the comic shop and lost the sacrificial redhead. I've got to say, losing the sacrificial redhead is a deal-breaker (or blond or brunette-- I like 'em all!).
Of course, I am planning to run for President in the next election on the Common Sense platform. Living in Canada may hurt my already very small chances of success (we can't really have a President who believes and bases his/her opinions on common sense, can we?).
I am having trouble with the words "common sense" and "election" in the same sentence. I honestly don't know how you guys handle it down there. Campaigns go on for years. Here they speculate on an election, it gets announced, campaigns last at most a couple of months and then we get to forget about it.
Sorry, I guess no redhead is currently available. I do know a blond who is though. Do you do yardwork? :P
I happily do yardwork. Matter of fact I don't mind doing laundry (although I hate folding clothes and putting them away), I vacuum (the zen of vacuuming, by John), and I don't mind general cleaning.
While I don't mind cooking, I hate doing dishes afterward.
So, my Princess is one who doesn't mind folding and putting away clothes, doing dishes, and helping with the general cleaning.
Oh, I also am a pretty generally handy guy and have many tools and my own toolbox.
Am I not a catch? ;-)
Well, let's see. I don't enjoy doing any of the "outside" work, which is why I still have a mudpit.
I love doing laundry and really wouldn't trust anyone else with it. Not big on ironing though, but a love of ironing runs in my family and I expect to develop that as I get older (that sounds crazy, but my grandmother loved to iron, and in recent years my mother also suddenly loved ironing). For now you may have to do your own ironing.
I have a dishwasher. Everything goes into it. If it doesn't survive, it wasn't meant to be here.
I have central vacuum installed in my house. I bought it before I even moved in so I could get Dad to install it just after I took posession. Refuse to live without it. I like vacuuming as long as I have central. I have an old vacuum from when I was in my apartment which I plan on torturing someday soon. Vacuum toss off the deck or something, man I hate that thing. It hurt me more times than I can count.
I seem to recall some statements about Brown and being Catholic which may be our only sticking points. I would need further clarification on these issues to ensure my compatibility.
Oh, and I've never minded ironing either. Of course, I don't have much that needs ironing, but that is beside the point.
I don't like brown, but honestly it depends on the shade. If it's a black-brown, like some of my furniture, I like that. Wood is brownish, I have no problem with that. My old truck, George, was brown, and it was a good color. A deeper, darker brown is acceptable. It's when you get into the lighter beige range that I have issues. Brown is ok on other people, but if I would never purposefully pick something out that was brown and buy it. Growing up we used to have an all-brown living room. Brown couch, brown curtains, brown carpet... I think that's where it comes from, it reminds me of the 70s.
Church is kind of my dealbreaker. Not necessarily meaning I have to find someone who is Catholic, but the actually wanting to go with me and not loathing it. Most people have a problem with that, they'd rather not go. I go every week, it's important to me. I respect the fact that others don't share my opinion of it, that's fine. But I don't want to go by myself for the rest of my life. I'd rather share it with someone.
You should be more worried about the fact that I color-code my socks and can't eat food shaped like animals.
So you've moved away from the sectioned/colour-coded and insanely categorized closet? It's just socks now! Hahaha!
One important thing that hasn't been mentioned yet... John she requires a love of 80's music. Can ya handle that? Just say yes. It's good stuff and even if you don't like it, you'll learn to. hehehe!
I grew up with 80s music! Give me a good dose of Prince, Madonna, George Michael, Def Leppard, Duran Duran, et al and I'm a happy guy.
I do wear a lot of brown, mostly because, left to my own devices, I only ever buy blue, brown or shades of grey. This way, everything matches. Any signs of color in my wardrobe outside of this is from women going shopping with me and insisting! I have gotten smarter-- I usually find a female friend to go shopping with me.
The church thing is not a major hang up. As long as you and your church respects my wishes, I'll respect yours/theirs and sit quietly with you and happily discuss it with you afterwards. I respect most religions and think each brings something to the table.
This process makes me see why arranged marriages worked for so long in the history of the world. It seems so sane to have your family sit down, have the talk we're having, and once everything is agreed to, introducing the prospects.
So if I told you I recently bought the 20th anniversary edition cd of the Power Station, including the only track they recorded in the studio with Michael Des Barres instead of Robert Palmer, would you be impressed or have no idea what I was talking about?
Well we all know how I feel about shopping.
That of course begs the question of what your wishes are when it comes to religion.
Agreed, as long as the family knows a lot about the person they're arranging the marriage for. Same as cyber dating, I guess, you go through a screening process. Aren't some marriages arranged really early, like some soon after birth? I wouldn't like the part where even if 2 people sound compatible, you still have to go through with the marriage but you can't stand the person's bad habit you didn't know about.
In order:
- I would be impressed. I like Power Station. Robert Palmer and 1/2 of Duran Duran in one group? Wow! I used to, and may still, own the cassette. Didn't know they ever recorded with Des Barres.
- I assume you like it? That recent post about your splurge day buying as many on-sale items as possible leads me to this conclusion. ;-)
- That's more of a third date sort of conversation. I have faith, and I have belief, and I respect most anyone else's beliefs and want them to respect mine.
- Oh I agree. It just makes complete sense to have this type of conversation first. I mean, if my not being Catholic was a deal breaker, then what would be the point in coninuing? If you hated Prince or U2, why would I want to be with you? Assigning someone before he/she is born or before he/she really becomes a unique person with all his/her faults seems premature. But why not have two adults have a sincere conversation and work out the major kinks first?
[geek]
They only recorded the one song with him. He subbed for Palmer on their tour. That song appeared at the end of Schwarzenegger's "Commando" during the credits but did not appear on the soundtrack
[/geek]
Yeah, like shopping a little too much sometimes, but my guilt keeps me in check. As opposed to other family members, who are notorious for buying electronics equipment before necessary things like socks.
How could anyone possibly hate U2? What a terrible thought! I can't wait for the concert in November. Have you seen them live?
I think we need our own joint chat blog. Is that a silly idea? I think it might be kind of cool, you know, cause I don't blog enough already :S
You could, of course, exchange email addresses... :-P
I was about to offer the same thing. As it is, I'll use what you provided (and you can delete that post if you don't want it "out there").
Hehehe! Yip it's kind of entertaining watching this going on. Although I feel a little strangely like I'm looking into a fishbowl. Very strange, but it's interesting all the same.
I guess I should admit that I just read all the posts myself. It gives me something better that work to do on a Friday afternoon. I'm glad someone finally suggested the email address though, the blog is becoming a bit bloated.
i never realized it made it past the 50 mark, i missed all of this in the ongoing marking/examprep frenzy. had i read this last week, i would have responded with get a (chat)room already. :P
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