Monday, December 31, 2012
I live with a lot of fear every day about my parents leaving. I can't even type that line without tearing up. Most days I just stuff it down and try to get on with my day, convincing myself that I can't predict the future and for the most part, I likely have many more years with them because they're both in decent health. But I'm also too smart for my own good and know that tomorrow begins 2013, and none of us are immortal. It was hard enough for me when my grandparents died. I can't imagine a world without my parents, nor what my parents must go through not having their own parents around anymore. My Dad doesn't have anyone left from his immediate family since my aunt passed in April. My mom refers to herself sometimes as an orphan, I know she misses her mother deeply and I can't imagine the pain that she must feel from that.
Today, after that dream, the fear seems crippling. I'm crying at my desk again. Maybe blogging wasn't such a good idea after all? I'm better when I release emotion though; I'm not much good at keeping it in. Just wish I didn't have to cry at work since I never know when someone will walk in. Now I'm exhausted not only from the dream, but from the crying.
I have too much to do today to keep this up, so I will have to suck it up and move forward with my day. Hopefully writing the words down will help me stop running through them repeatedly in my head.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
|John clears a path with the snow scoop down our driveway to the street. It didn't drift as much here as other places.|
|A good foot of snow, though. Thankfully not wet and heavy, but still a struggle.|
|John's truck misses its old SoCal home|
|Snow had drifted around 3' high. It was halfway up my thighs as I walked around the truck.|
- Buy a snowblower. Pro: will clean driveway with less back-breaking effort. Cons: Limited place to store it since our garage is small and our barn far enough away from the main driveway to make it awkward. Also still involves standing out in snow for hours to clear.
- Learn how to plow and keep Dad's truck at our house when he's away. Pro: Definitely easier to clear, we can sit in the comfort of the truck and push major amounts of snow out of the way with minimal physical effort. Cons: We don't have as much experience as Dad and could break the truck, have an accident, wreck the lawn, etc. Also limited parking arrangements -- would we store one of our vehicles at Dad's while we have his truck at our place? Would we just park the plow truck in front of John's truck and play musical vehicles for a while?
- Move to a different house with a 2 car garage so at least we didn't have to dig a vehicle out during each storm.
- Move to a different house in a much warmer climate where snow is a novelty.
|I wonder who won? I missed it by a day.|
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
|Romy sneaks into my shot|
|"Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand" "That's not a Christmas song." "There are like, 300 Jesus Christmas songs and only 4 Santa songs."|
Saturday, December 22, 2012
|I bought this ornament at a store down the street when I lived uptown.|
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
|I didn't notice that tomorrow's theme is "weather" -- oh well.|
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Monday, December 17, 2012
|Good, you're home, pet me.|
This school shooting has affected many of my friends in deep ways. Some are parents, some teachers, some both. I can't fully understand how they relate to the incident because I am not a parent myself. What I do know is that wallowing in sorrow for the victims, re-posting Morgan Freeman's fake words of wisdom, or flooding my feed with discussion over how shitty Americans and their guns are does not do anything at all to help the situation. You want to help? Go volunteer for a support organization. Stop watching the news and get out and do something to help people move past the tragedy. If you feel that strongly about gun control, then start a protest. At least then it would be a constructive use of your time and I wouldn't have to read about it in my feed.
I previously posted that you can't "un-invent" guns. There are plenty of gun laws on the books, but that doesn't matter to someone who obtains weapons on the black market. If someone wants to kill someone else, there are many tools and methods to do so. What we need are well-balanced citizens who know the difference between right and wrong, and who seek help for their problems instead of deciding that taking a gun to a school is the right solution.
I will have to go Facebook-dark for a while. I had wanted to see and discuss Christmas things, but most people in my feed have chosen to bash the country of which my husband is still a citizen and the country in which I will likely finish out my life. The US is hurting, but you can't let the actions of a few tarnish the goodness of the many.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Saturday, December 15, 2012
|It was a better angle when he first mentioned it, I was a bit late snapping.|
Thursday, December 13, 2012
The comments are amusing. Sure, you can cancel your cable subscription and stick with Netflix or downloading. But if everyone did that, then how will your favorite TV shows get the money to create programming? Ad revenue generates the money needed to produce TV shows. All those commercials we're skipping through on our DVRs means that ad revenue has been decreasing. With decreased ad revenue comes new methods of revenue generation. Bones, which my husband watches, is particularly egregious in this department. It's like a mini-commercial in each episode, and it is glaringly obvious. This week's episode of Gossip Girl hit me over the head with the new Windows 8 phone. Way to take me out of the story by trying to sell me a crappy OS or a car I can't afford.
Yes, the business model needs to change, and I wish they'd hurry up and make some forward progress. But you can't have everything for free. Paying for cable is one of the ways to keep new TV shows coming.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
|Christmas shortbread cookies|
Monday, December 10, 2012
Sunday, December 09, 2012
Saturday, December 08, 2012
Friday, December 07, 2012
Wednesday, December 05, 2012
|My Snuffles collection, who, coincidentally, are also looking up.|
Tuesday, December 04, 2012
Monday, December 03, 2012
Sunday, December 02, 2012
|Romy (left) and Sapphire (right) enjoy a peaceful sleep.|
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
|Article © Saint John Telegraph Journal as published Nov 27 2012|
Another reason for my nostalgia is that like many, I still consider the archive building to be THE museum. Since moving to Market Square, I have felt disconnected to the museum, but didn't have any particular reason to visit the archives. One of the best outings we ever had during my school years was a Gr. 2 trip to this museum before Christmas. I don't remember exactly all that we did or saw, but I do remember singing Christmas songs and having really enjoyed it. It's one of those fuzzy memories that comes with an overall feeling of "best times ever". I don't expect to be singing Christmas carols or re-enacting a childhood memory, but I can't wait to go back to THE museum and have a new and interesting Christmas experience. This is just what I need to boost my Christmas spirit.
UPDATE: The event turned out to be somewhat disappointing. Most of what was offered were menus, letters, cards, and advertising. While interesting, I had hoped for ornaments, pictures, and a bit more. They had apple cider and cookies for us, and gave a quick tour of the archives and library areas. In the end, I probably have a lot of similar items in my stash from Parkers Ridge. It did give me an idea to use some of that stash for some decorating, though. I also found out that they house a lot of NB vital statistics, which may come in handy for my family history/photo project.
Thursday, November 01, 2012
They say God only gives you what he feels you can handle. I’m not quite sure I believe this anymore.
I know two people who seem to be repeatedly hit with devastating news. One bad health diagnosis after another, and this person had their “fair share” a long, long time ago. Another keeps getting rained on (both literally and figuratively) with health and home problems and it just doesn’t seem to stop.
I don’t even know what to say to them anymore. I wish they would stop winning the Bad Luck Lottery.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Monday, October 15, 2012
It was hard enough for me to adopt my first pet, so John didn't push me to get the standard 2 cats at the same time, to keep each other company, and to not have to deal with one encroaching on the other's domain. We had discussed a second cat, one who could be more "my" cat, who might also be more of a lap cat. I had been hoping Romy would be more cuddly with me than he is, so the thought of a loving lap cat to curl up with me when I read or watch TV is appealing. We've visited the shelter numerous times, keeping our eyes open for "the" cat. We developed a track record for visiting cats who had been in the shelter for a while and them being adopted soon thereafter.
When we met Sapphire at the Pet Corral in May, we figured she would be adopted soon. May turned to October and she was still there. John wanted this to be my decision to get a second cat, and I felt bad that such a sweet, loving cat had been in the shelter system since Dec 2011 was still up for adoption in Oct 2012. On Saturday morning, we went down and visited her one more time, and she was still the sweet, loving cat we kept taking out of the cage to visit. We decided to adopt her and brought her home.
Over the course of 5 months, I had been thinking about her and wondering why she was still there. John said "some people might call that a sign". To be honest, I'm not sure she's "the" cat I envisioned, as I chose to adopt her more out of guilt/pity than a specific pull/feeling like I had with a cat I met who was not up for adoption. But I was confident enough that she liked me, and that she seemed calm and loving enough that we could work with each other.
I have been freaking out ever since we actually got her home. "Crap, what if Romy doesn't want to share his space, it's a lot to ask." "What if after she is spayed she turns into a different cat that I won't like?" "What if I don't end up loving her as much as Romy?" "I don't know if she's a climber, or a scratcher, a marker, a shedder, untrainable to stay off tables, has furballs, etc etc" I had all of the same concerns with Romy. Romy has turned out to be a great cat, who is large and thus not a climber. We've managed his scratching tendencies quite well and he has not damaged anything significant. We have trained him to stay off areas where we eat. He doesn't seem to produce hairballs and shedding is reasonable. Overall he's a great cat, so my brain says you can't get that lucky twice. John says he doesn't have bad cats, period. Still, I manage to flip out for the past two days.
We have read advice on integrating cats, so
I hope this works out ok and that I don't regret the decision. I am calmer about it today than I have been the last 2 days. I just need to give it time for everyone, including me, to adjust. I'll consider it a win if the two cats can live in the same house and tolerate each other without marking territory. Gravy would be if they actually liked to play together or curl up together, but I won't hold my breath.
Part of the reason why I am flipping out is because I take the commitment of cat guardian seriously. This cat will be with me for an average of 10 years. That's a long time. I can't just return her to the store. I have held off on adopting a second cat before because I wanted a foster arrangement to see if it would work out with Romy and with us, and if not, then it would be understood that we could take the cat back. Given how overrun this area is with cats, though, that arrangement is not easy to find. So if I wanted to give it a try, it's a permanent commitment right off the bat. Not something that I have an easy time swallowing.
All indications are that this will work out ok. Now if my stomach and nervous system would just believe that, it would be great. I'll keep giving it time, and I'll be ok. I have a cat who needs and wants a home, who is happy to be there, so now it's my turn to live up to my end of the bargain.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Some days I feel like the invention of plastic was a huge mistake that is choking the planet. Plastic washing up on beaches, plastic thrown away in landfills (more than what we're recycling), our reliance on plastic everywhere in our homes. Humanity survived for thousands of years without plastic, but now we can't? It seems sad. I have always been angry at those who litter instead of just hanging onto a piece of garbage for a few more minutes until they reach a garbage can, but lately I am also reminded that garbage cans go to landfills. At the rate we're going, the whole planet is becoming a landfill. Many people simply do not care about it, either. What are we going to do in the future if we plan on surviving as a race? There have been movies which used this idea as a storyline (think Wall-E), and I don't think they're all that far off from the truth. It scares the crap out of me. Who has a plan to fix this? Nobody. One of many reasons why I don't think I want to bring a child into this world.
Blatant consumerism doesn't help. I'll be the first to admit that I am a slave to that philosophy. What I have done recently is try not to increase my "buy useless crap" quotient. I've been trying to employ my friend's rules for puurchases: 1) Do I need it? 2) Where will I put it/what will I get rid of to make room? 3) Can I afford it? (not necessarily in that order). Other times, I fail miserably because I want shiny new X. I figure at least trying to improve my thought processes is better than never considering it, but maybe I'm wrong.
The spelling/grammar problem is getting increasingly worse to the point where I'm genuinely scared for how dumb North Americans will look in the near future. I was in a store yesterday where they were selling "mini-scrappers". These were not small items that liked to fight, but were actually scrapers. Another post on Facebook today from a friend who said "your not so bad." This is a guy in the middle of university, a generally smart kid who should know better. Those of us who do know better just end up getting flamed for making corrections. I guess the dumb will prevail, but that's not the kind of world I want to live in. Auto-correct is the work of Satan. Smart guy, Satan. He knew we'd just get lazy and ignore spelling and grammar rules, blindly accepting whatever the computer suggests to us as correct. I wonder if kids are being taught that it is not absolute, but that you must also use common sense and the rules you were taught in school to apply as well? I doubt it. Sad.
[Is this post grammatically correct? No, I know it's not. Mistakes happen, but at least I know the difference between your and you're, and scrapper/scraper. I have that knowledge and intelligence vs those who don't and should.]
Mobile phones scare me. That market has exploded to the point where they've become like a drug addiction. Work in IT and you may have a different opinion. Some days my phone is indispensable, other days I want to go somewhere with no cell service whatsoever and throw it into a river, because I'd probably be out enjoying nature instead. Do I check my phone when others are around? Yes, and I am sometimes ashamed of that. If I attend an event, though, I make a concerted effort to not have my phone in front of me at all times. I want to be in the moment, enjoying the company of humans. Whatever is happening on FB or Twitter can be read later.
People in SJ need serious driving help. I'm starting to think everyone should be re-tested every 5-10 years. Included should be a module on freeway driving. Most SJers have never driven a freeway. If they had, they'd be better drivers. I wouldn't have to anticipate braking in the left lane, people cutting me off, abnormal speed up & down, etc.
Mitt Romney and the Republican party scare me. Democrats scare me too, but nowhere near as much as the Romney/Ryan ticket. The guy actually said he didn't know why airplane windows don't open, and yet I have friends who practically insist that Obama is the devil. The USA needs serious help and bi-partisanship, but they just keep getting worse and worse. This is important to me because I assume I'll end up living there in the future. I'm just not sure I'll want to if it keeps going down the crapper. They desperately need a revolution.
At the rate North America is going, we soon won't have anyone who wants to be a teacher anymore. Teachers continually get low pay and disrespect. Parents who expect school to raise their child. Kids who don't see any value in an education. Pretty soon the drive to pass on knowledge and make a difference will be outweighed by the fact that you can't afford to live on that salary, and the mental drain of trying to keep the ship upright will be too much. I have no idea how teachers do it without ending up in a mental institution. It makes me want to cry.
These are some of the things on my mind lately. They scare me, and often make me want to curl up into a ball and not deal with the outside world. That statement is closer to the literal truth than you probably imagine. I'm trying to fight through it, but it's difficult. I haven't yet mastered the art of living my own life and doing the best I can. Sometimes I see where all of this is going and wonder why I'm here?
Friday, July 20, 2012
With every gun-related crime, such as the Aurora, CO shootings early this morning, a rash of organizations calling for more gun control usually ensues. The tendency is to blame the weapon rather than the user. “Well, if he didn’t have access to guns, he wouldn’t have hurt as many people.” Possibly true, but if he wasn’t mentally disturbed in some way, he wouldn’t have used any weapon to hurt anyone.
Restricting guns further just punishes the rest of the population who respect weapons and use them responsibly. People who use guns to inflict harm usually obtain them illegally. They don’t normally walk in with their permit, go through the mandatory waiting period, and then go on a shooting rampage at a movie theatre. What I’d like to know is how the CO shooter obtained an “AK-style” weapon. I assume he obtained it illegally, so in my opinion, the black market shares responsibility for that shooting. What are we doing to combat the black market, underground weapons industry? If this guy had come in to the theatre and started slicing people instead of shooting, would we be calling for knife control? [Guessing “knife control” has already happened somewhere, just don’t have time to research it.]
It all boils down to a simple concept: we can’t disinvent guns. It’s as though anti-gun supporters think if we can restrict guns, then maybe we can reverse their invention and not have to worry about the problem. Sorry, but we can’t go back in time. We have to deal with the problem we’re dealt. I don’t know what that answer is, but I’m not going to blame the gun for the crime of the person.
Side note: why is this the second mass-tragedy incident in CO in recent times? Is it just a coincidence, or is there something wrong in Colorado?