Sunday, September 03, 2006

Re-learing the relaxing

Relaxing. I need to remember how to do that. The past month has been very stressful for me, whether it be self-induced or outside pressures.

I have help at work now but it seems I am working even more than before. Even with help, I still feel buried and overwhelmed with the amount of things I need to do. I spent 3.5/5 nights this week at work, in addition to being there all day, and two days of those were travel. I am getting sucked into the vortex again. Being a salaried employee, I don't get paid overtime. I have to remember that I can never get everything done, and I am entitled to time for myself. Which, after working Friday night and not even managing to have supper, is what I've tried to do this weekend.

I spent yesterday and today reading True Believer. I hadn't read anything by Nicholas Sparks before, but I did enjoy this book and his style. It was a relatively easy read and I found myself absorbed by it. I've been commenting for weeks now on how much I needed to just relax for a week and read books. I may not have a week at my disposal to do so, but a long weekend is better than nothing.

For the first time I am not really looking forward to attending the conference in a couple of weeks. This year it has become a means to an end for me getting to California for a few days. The last couple of years have seen me teaching other users, which I admit I love doing. It's great showing someone a part of the software they never knew existed, and something that changes their outlook on their processes and procedures. I'm not sure where my melancholy is stemming from when I think about this trip. Part of it has to do with the venue. I can't say as I have longed to visit Kentucky. I'm sure it's a beautiful place, but it just doesn't hold the same desire for me that Tucson did. I had always wanted to visit Arizona, even before the "let's get together with a guy I talk to online" plan. This year it just seems like I'm thinking, "Kentucky, whoopee." I hope it proves me wrong, but I don't think anything will be better than finally arriving at John Wayne Airport and seeing my fiancé circle around 5 times before he can find a spot to pull over and pick me up. :)

I think the other part of the melancholy is just a feeling of seeing the same old, same old. Same people. Same topics. Same pressures to switch to the next big software. I have joined an exclusive customer group this year, and the conference will be my first meeting with them. Maybe that will spice things up a bit. This group meets 3 times/year, so I will be getting to do some additional travel for work to [usually] nice spots in the US. Round about February or so will be the next meeting, and it will most likely be somewhere warm. The last 2 meetings have been East, so if I'm lucky the next one will be West and again I may be able to tack on a trip to SoCal.

Lately I feel like John and I are back at Square One when it comes to moving. Things have been going at what seems like a snail's pace because we are waiting for decisions that are beyond our control. Someone asked me the other night about whether he would be here for xmas, and I didn't know what to answer. I had hoped he would be settled here by then, so I really hadn't given it much thought. Now I am throwing ideas around about going there in February. Something needs to break soon for us. This stretch between July and September is the longest we've been apart, and it has also been the most difficult. We've been talking by phone more than usual, especially after our tolerance for sitting in a chair at a PC has reached its limit. Nothing compares to actually being with the person, though. I continue to plug away at things and do what I can, but with my impatient nature, it's not easy. I would rather go through this waiting period than not have him in my life at all... but I can't promise not to be cranky that we're not together yet.

This week I am off to Yarmouth and Halifax for work. With the craziness that has been going on here lately, I am actually looking forward to getting out of here for a few days, even to the Evil City itself. A temporary change of view will be nice, and when I return, I can start packing for Kentucky, and more importantly, California.


Cyn said...

Sorry to hear life and times are dragging on ya. It sucks bigtime, but hopefully things will turn around again soon.
I hope to heck you're using Skype for all this phoning! whew!

Lisa said...

I've read a few of Sparks' books. They're not my usual read, but I've enjoyed them.