Friday, February 03, 2012


I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders again. I go through phases where, if I pay too much attention to current events, it will send me into a tailspin of depression. It seems like everywhere I turn there is bad news of varying degrees. Our stove broke this week, forcing us to spend $1100 we weren't expecting (but thankfully had savings to cover). A micro issue compared to hunger in the Horn of Africa, some of my co-workers losing their jobs, my near-bankrupt city, cruise ships falling over and people dying, massive landslides in Colombia... the list goes on.

I like to think that I'm a caring person. I want to help people. I love the feeling of doing good in someone else's life, of making a difference. But sometimes I feel like the scene from JCS where the people are clamoring for him, and he just can't help everyone, and it becomes overwhelming.

The only way I survive sometimes is to tune it out. This makes me look uninformed, immature, and selfish. What people don't understand is the magnitude of how I internalize these problems, and yes, allow them to overwhelm me. But if I don't, then I don't care, and that isn't good either. I either suck for not caring, or suck for not becoming an aid worker. Kind of a lose-lose situation. No wonder I can get depressed from it.

I'm reminded of May from the Secret Life of Bees, and her wailing wall. I could probably use one of those.


John said...

Information overload is all around us. The other weekend, when we went out of town, and I did not take my laptop and barely touched yours, was wonderful. It showed me that I do not need to be plugged in all the time, respond immediately (or at all), or be hyper-vigilant to all things Friends/Family.

Maybe we should start instituting no-wires Wednesdays, or something? A day (or weekend) where you are not on-call, where you leave the PC off, turn off the sound of your phone, and just go without for a while?

Liza said...

If you don't take time for yourself and guard it as precious, everyone around you will take the time from you. You have so much to give to so many, but you have to give to yourself first. It's not selfish: it's self-preservation.