Thursday, September 05, 2013

The reprieve

The sun came out, and she decided it may be one of the last times she could take advantage of it. She walked down to the beached dock and sat, examining rocks, listening to the water, enjoying the scenery. She still had problems, but they were somehow dulled by the calm surroundings and the warmth of the sun. A friend came down, and they talked alone for a while, something they hadn't done for what felt like a long time. More friends joined in, and laughs were had. The friends moved back to the house, but she stayed on the dock, soaking up as much of the sun's energy as she could. She could have stayed there all night, continuing that feeling of relaxation that she hadn't felt in months. No one would have minded if she'd stayed, but she knew she'd have to get home eventually.  She drove home in a good mood, feeling generally calmer and stronger about her problems. The reprieve was good. Maybe everything would be ok after all.

Then she arrived home.

Her husband had hurt himself while she was gone. His back was throbbing and he was unable to move freely. The following two days were stressful as they dealt with drives to the hospital, doctors,  intense pain, and medications.  She missed a day of work due to exhaustion and her husband needing her assistance.  Though she informed her boss that she was taking her husband to the ER, there were no kind words offered, only accusations about a problem that she didn't know existed. More accusations followed from others. She discovered one of her employees had done something known to be off-limits, and the disappointment and frustration continued to mount. At the same time, she managed to disappoint someone very close to her because she was too busy concentrating on her own problems.  She came home crying and shaking, yet again feeling like a breakdown was imminent. She knows this can't continue, and that change is needed for the sake of her mental health.  But she fears change greatly and seems immobilized with indecision. She feels she will never get things figured out.

The reprieve already feels so long ago that she wonders if she'll ever feel it again. She hopes so.

1 comment:

Liza said...

Sometimes, life just gives us shit and stands back to see what we do with it. Rather than bottling it up and getting sick from the tension and the stress, let it out. For some people, doing physical exercise helps, while others try to cope by being strong. Expel it from your body -- throw it off -- even if it means yelling, screaming, punching a wall.

The problem at work? Deal with it directly and forcefully. People perceive us as weak when we don't confront them when they deserve it. All we get is an ulcer, while they skate through life pushing the boundaries and not being held accountable for their conduct.

And, once you've done what you can do, let it go. Don't keep worrying a problem you've already handled.