2020 brought a few good things

At the beginning of the year, I decided to do one of those "write down all the good things that happen this year" tasks as a way to combat negativity. Not sure 2020 was the best year to choose to do that, but I did. Since it's New Year's Eve, I went through the list tonight.

Jan 1: Resurrected dinosaur PJs from pattern that didn't turn out so great

Jan 11: Pad thai with Stephanie, soooo tasty

Jan ?: An in-joke between Melissa and John about poop that I'm not putting on the internet.

Jan 17: Dinner with cousins and then 6th row at Jim Gaffigan!

Jan 25: Watched Duran Duran There's Something You Should Know with Karen & Stephanie. Lots of pics I hadn't seen before and good commentary from the band.

Mar 5: Karen's birthday lunch at Deluxe with Steph. She wore a tiara and we all had clams. Last friend outing before pandemic hit.

May 2: John's Covid test is negative, phew!

May 27: John finally got his MRI

June 5: Replaced the timer on the dryer with minimal help from John. Go Melissa!

Aug 5: Grumpy Cat masks arrived!

Aug 7: Was supposed to be in Sunny Corner but had to postpone. Instead took Jenn with me down to visit T-L at the lake. Beautiful hot afternoon. Homemade chocolate ice cream. Blueberry pie delivered to T-L's dad.

Aug 19-21: After having to postpone, finally got to visit Stephanie in Sunny Corner. Delicious Estey's. Steph found the corningware teapot for her mom while we were antiquing. Karen found a Duran Duran 12" vinyl. I bought Tupperware at the market again (surprise). Did some grave hunting also. No tromping around in the woods b/c Karen was still getting over a concussion. Very windy Cunard takeout at Middle Island.

Aug 21: Found a gravestone in Blackville for a lady in WA state. Her 2x great grandmother. She was really happy to have the picture.

Oct 25: Stephanie brought me still-warm bagels and a purple-cat-Halloween blanket!

Dec 4: John walking without his cane for most of the day, yay!

Dec 4: A bountiful day! Went uptown to pick up metal nose pieces for masks from Kelly. Karen H came by to drop off my dishcloth yarn from our Knit Picks order. While I was uptown, Dre dropped off 4 skeins of yarn for the Hiberknitalong! T-L showed up to pick up dishcloths and gave me a gift of a "F*** 2020" dishcloth and a "Back the f*** away" mask. Loved it!

Dec 7: Passed the Azure Fundamentals certification!

Dec 7: Mindy called and said she'd arranged to have us plowed out this winter so John can focus on healing.

Dec 22: Finally got the Calais stuff I ordered in March!

Dec 23: Surprise homemade challah from Candace!

Cemeteries

I've been spending a lot of time this month in cemeteries, fulfilling photo requests on findagrave.com. If you're ever in a position where you have to choose a headstone and you want it to last, don't opt for a flat, horizontal stone. I've seen so many that have grown over. Those stones don't seem to get as much care as the others and I'm pretty sure some of the stones I've searched for have been swallowed up by nature. It seems incredibly sad to me to place a monument of remembrance for someone, only to have it disappear. Obviously money is an issue: headstones are expensive. But if you are able to stretch the budget, try to go for something upright. Nothing lasts forever, but at least it has a better shot.

I've had lots of trips to cemeteries from a young age. Grammy used to take us for walks through Fernhill and Shaarei Zedek when we were visiting for longer stretches of time. When going up country with Nana, we would always stop at the Astle Cemetery where her parents were buried, to check on the stone and clean around it if needed. Cemeteries were just another place until people close to me died. When Nana died, cemeteries became sad. I've been trying to reverse that feeling by remembering that it's just the physical vessel that is buried; the soul endures.

My recent trips have yielded both happiness and sadness. Sadness for the state of a neglected cemetery with stones falling over and the text wiped away by weather and time. Happiness that I'm able to provide photos for someone who doesn't live near here, and for finding stones that someone cared enough to repair and re-place.

Rest in peace.

You need to keep perspective

Covid-19 is not the end of the world. It seems to mean that we can't have nice things, but in relative terms, we're not bad off. Some have compared these times to war time. I think that's too extreme a comparison. We're not getting our homes bombed out or surviving on rations. A lot of people are safely ensconced in their homes, only leaving when necessary. Other than the initial run on toilet paper, we have enough food and supplies. Granted, the "we" I am referring to are mostly white people. There are others who are afraid of losing their rented homes because they're out of work and can't pay their rent. Or they can't afford food. Or both.

It's so frustrating to see white idiots on TV protesting wearing a mask. Masks are one of the easiest, non-invasive ways to prevent the virus from spreading. Canada is not immune; we have our own section of mask objectors. I'm guessing they are also people who can safely go home and not worry about rent or food at the end of the day. Otherwise they wouldn't be out protesting in the first place.

Things suck right now for pretty much everyone. Nobody is having a good time, and everyone's plans are wrecked. Please just keep in mind that it could be worse, that this will end eventually, and provide help to others when you can.

Sometimes I just go and sit

I'm having one of those phases where I'm sad. Not for any one specific reason, though 2020 is enough all on its own. I'm melancholy. It's the type of time where you know if you could just have a gut-heaving cry, you'd probably feel better afterward. One of the side effects of the meds I am taking is that crying doesn't come as easily as it used to.

Knowing I was already sad, I decided to stop by and sit. Even though you can hear traffic, it's still SJ-level traffic and not that loud. Just the general sounds of a neighborhood around you. But the overall feeling is still one of peace and safety.

The paint on the front doors is peeling. There are pieces of shingles lying on the steps. Two of the stained glass windows have been boarded up, hopefully not because they were broken. I probably would have heard that if it had happened, though; word gets around in the Catholic community. The graveyard and shrine are still being looked after, likely by the school.

You can't go inside, but it wouldn't be the same anyway. The surviving church in our area took out anything of value. The pews were given to a church up north which had burned down but they're rebuilding. The organ found a new home.

From what I can tell, they're letting the rest of it crumble. I haven't heard any news on what they plan to do with it or the grounds, though I was told that the graveyard would be untouched. I'm not sure what I would hate more: watching it crumble, or watching it be demolished.

For now, it's still there, and it's still a place to find some peace when I need it.

Stop. Just stop.

Every so often, someone in my feed posts about St. Peter's. And then all the usual comments show up. 

 

"If people would just go to church, they wouldn't have to close." -- Well, yes, but times are changing. People don't want to go anymore. There's not going to be a miraculous regeneration of people coming to church. Crappy, but fact.

 

"There's nothing sad about another church closing; that's all I will say about that." followed by that person saying more, and the usual pro- and anti-religious retorts.

 

"OMG, the Catholic church is closing?" -- Uh yeah, it was two years ago, where were you when we needed you?

 

I'm still hurting. A lot. The closure was devastating to me. It was like a combination of losing your home and your family at the same time. Every time this comes up, I'm reminded of the loss. It's tiring. Especially when the comments just appear at random and I didn't have time to dodge them.