Monday, October 23, 2006

For those who seem to have all the answers

This entry does not refer to the regular readers of this blog.

My current situation with John, being geographically far apart, is difficult. We make do as best we can. It's hard being asked every single day how things are going when you have no news to share. It just serves as even more of a reminder that we are apart, something of which I do not need to be reminded; I am acutely aware of that. I am dealing with a whole range of issues in trying to get him here, including time, thought, emotion, and paperwork.

What is particularly frustrating is the inability of some people to take our relationship seriously. I was on the receiving end of a comment today that went something like this: "It's hard to keep things going when you only get to see each other every 2-3 months." I already feel like hanging a sign around my neck that says "No progress on move," so to have that comment also directed to me almost sent me over the edge today. This person is married, but I am not sure they understand the concept of being engaged. The exact wording of their comment and tone was phrased in such as way as to imply that I am simply "dating" John.

Being engaged means that we are committed to each other, plan to get married, and spend our lives together. It does not include quitting because we only get to see each other every couple of months, sending the ring back because it was "too hard." If we actually did that, it would mean we couldn't commit to one another and shouldn't be getting married in the first place.

To those who ask why I don't just pick up and move to SoCal: You first. You move to another country and let me know how quickly and easily you were able to accomplish it. You sell your house, get out of your car lease, and dispose of a good portion of your assets. Figure out what to do with your RRSPs now that you'll be living in a foreign country. Quit your job and find a new one. Contemplate leaving your friends and family, who you see very often and rely on for support. Go from a very quiet, slow, and relatively inexpensive way of life to a non-stop, crowded, smog-filled lifestyle. Learn how to drive on freeways. Live in less than half the space you used to have, among two people instead of one, and pay the equivalent of two mortgage payments every month for that reduced living space. Yes, there are certain things that would be sacrficed by moving in the other direction as well, but you cannot make a flippant remark about "why don't you just move the other way" as some kind of instant cure to all of our problems.

Why can't people understand that this process takes time? Moving across your own country takes a lot of time, money, organization. Moving to another country is a lot more complicated than that. Canada does not have any immigration provisions for fiancé(e)s, making it all the more difficult for us to "prove" our relationship in order to bring him here. Getting married in order to facilitate the immigration process comes with its own whole set of issues. Moving to another country is not an easy thing to do, from all respects. Complex situations take time and dedication. In the meantime, don't insult me by demeaning the level of my relationship or making it seem like you have all the answers.