Tuesday, December 04, 2007

A little too quiet

After two false starts, John finally made it on the Toronto flight out of Saint John, on his way home to SoCal. I cried pretty hard after leaving him at the airport the first time, and I was so happy to have him for those two extra days, that I didn't end up crying as he left this time. I'm sure it will hit me later, but for now I will be content with the fact that I didn't bawl my head off for once.

It is, though, a little too quiet around here. John is not a noisy person, just the opposite, in fact. What you don't realize is the quiet presence of another person in the house, that feeling of comfort from knowing you're not alone. Now I'm back to being alone again, and I can't say as I like it very much.

I always have a really hard time adjusting back to my single life after he leaves. I got married for a reason, and that reason wasn't to be alone. I have successfully proven that I can be alone, but now that that's over, I really would just like to have my husband around.

He spoils me when he's here, or at least I consider it spoiling. Today, when the plow guy didn't show up, we shoveled the driveway together. The night I came back from a work trip to Moncton, he had dinner ready and on the table (and had even ventured outside to use the BBQ!!) The simple fact that he cleans up after himself, puts dishes away, keeps the fire going: these are all small things that I really value. Being here by myself means I am responsible for everything. That is wearing me down.

Between now and Christmas is going to be a busy time for both of us. John has to book and complete his medical exam. I need to update all of our paperwork now that I have changed my name, review and assemble everything, and have it ready to take with me. I hope we'll be able to sign and mail the paperwork when I come back after Christmas. In addition to that, I still need to finish my shopping, do the wrapping, pack for my trip, and somehow try to get more done at work in the run of a day than is humanly possible. All of those tasks would be a lot less daunting if John were here, just because he makes me happy.

Thankfully there is not such a large gap between visits this time... just under 3 weeks and I will see him again. I miss him already.

1 comment:

Lisa said...

It is definitely hard getting used to being alone when you've had the person you love with you all the time. I understand. *hugs* At least you'll see him soon...