Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Hiding out

I've been in a bit of a hibernation lately. The day after I got home from SoCal, I managed to stub my baby toe pretty badly on the bedpost and have been limping ever since. 11 days later and it still isn't much better. They say you can't really do anything to help/heal when a baby toe is concerned, but at this point, I think I'd like to hear that from a doctor. Since there was a snowstorm overnight last night, I called my doctor today to see if I could get in on a cancellation. I hope I can, as there are some other minor issues I need to see her about as well.

I'm growing weary of Facebook. It seems as though no one actually talks to one another anymore, but reads status updates. I don't find it much fun to sit and read about the fun other people are having. Not to begrudge the fun of others, by any means, but it makes you feel like an outsider in a world in which you thought you were on the inside. I've updated my status sparingly in the last week or so because I just didn't feel like I needed to try and get people's attention. A lot of what I want to say lately can't be summed up in a one-liner, which is why I am choosing to blog today. I don't plan on giving up on Facebook, but I am less enamored with it now.

I've been through a bit of a blog drought, mainly because I didn't have much to say, or didn't feel it was appropriate to say it in a venue where I don't know who is reading. I've bottled some things up, likely not the greatest of decisions, but sometimes it is for the best.

Since I've been home, work has been a bit crazy. I worked most of the first weekend I was back, and then a lot of overtime last week. This past weekend was great, I did a little bit of shopping, but mostly stayed home and relaxed. I tried to keep off my foot as much as I could, but I still needed to put away Christmas decorations, so there was only so much time where I could rest. A big part of this weekend was spent watching NFL playoffs. I didn't like sacrificing time out with friends to watch football, but it was a way for me to spend time with John (albeit remotely) and get some things done around the house. It was a good year for me, football-wise, as I won the pick'em pool.

I'm feeling kind of lost right now. I expected this would happen, as January is usually a tough month to get through. I don't like taking down the decorations, but it is something that must be done in order to preserve that "special" feeling for next year. I anticipated the snow, the cold, the even worse feeling of snow & cold after returning from SoCal. What I didn't anticipate was still being sick and hurting my foot. I think today is the first day I truly feel like I have beaten my cold (the same one I had since the first of December). My foot issue slowed me down quite a bit physically, and that didn't help during a time where I had to be at work, no matter what. I was looking forward to Improv last Thursday, but with the work overtime and the state my foot was in, I didn't feel like hobbling out. I like getting out and seeing my friends; I miss them.

There has been a lot of change in the air, but I think I am one of the few who has stood still. Perhaps not the best thing. I am not a big fan of change, so I don't usually seek out new activities, but that is likely the cause of my stagnant feeling. I enjoy my free time, in fact I don't feel as though I have enough of it. It just seems like I am spending most of it alone. I know I should be out there, trying new things, but I'm just not sure what it is I'd like to do. I'm also still very shy. The thought of joining a group of strangers makes me nervous. I hate being that new person who doesn't know anything; it makes me feel foolish, which, in turn, makes me not want to participate anymore. Yes, that sounds silly, coming from an adult, but there it is.

With the arrival of the Christmas busy season and then my foot injury, I haven't been able to go for walks, which is another part of my hibernation issue. Last week would have been great for walking, but I could barely walk through my office, let alone the 30 minute walk I try and do on my lunch hour or the hour walk I would like to put in on the weekend days. I need this foot issue to be resolved.

It wasn't much of a stretch, but I did step slightly outside my boundaries and join a book club with some friends. I felt that I could challenge myself to try some different novels, something I wouldn't normally try on my own. The first selection was ok, it had some interesting parts, but I can't say I thoroughly enjoyed it. Our second selection is totally absorbing. I am halfway through the 1000 page novel, and I hope I have enough time to finish it in the next 2 weeks. I feel like this month's book has validated my reason for joining, as this is not a novel I would have thought to pick up and read on my own.

I have been thinking about what I will pick when it comes to be my turn. I have a selection in mind, but I am a bit nervous to put my likes on display. I have been put down before about my choices, and my feelings have gotten hurt, so I am not sure I want to stick my neck out... but I am starting to think I should just say "screw it" and pick whatever I think is one of my favorites, even if it is what some would consider to be in a "throwaway" genre. The club is supposed to be about picking our favorites, not necessarily literary masterpieces.

Today is an important day, and I have an important task to complete on my lunch hour. More on that later.


canadianicewolf said...

I understand your being less enamoured with facebook. There are many more out there like you.

Anonymous said...

Although I think it will become a primary means of communication in the years to come, I also feel frustrated by the perpetual potshots Facebook seems to bring about from several people (myself included, when someone has hurled one at me). Inclusivity and exclusivity seem to play a part. Facebook cuts in ways that e-mails do not. But I do enjoy playing Scrabulous.


Cyn said...

Ouch on the foot! Here's hoping you get it sorted out and hoping that it isn't something more seriously like a damaged ligament or actually a broken long bone in your foot. Ugh. Take care of yourself!!!

I too feel the frustrations of facebook. Life and those I care about are spinning about their daily lives. I'm stuck doing nothing and going nowhere. Heck I'm not even going to work lately.

As for your comments about hating being the new person... wow that paragraph absolutely summed me up. Hence going on my 4th year here in Halifax with absolutely zero social life besides John. Yip. Nil. Zip. Zilch. My only social contact is via phone and internet, but when I do have contact with people I always feel so sadly inadequate because they have so much going on in their lives and they ask what's new with me and I have to reply, "Um nothing." And the worst part is that it's a truthful and honest answer. I hate joining into a group where I don't know the in jokes, I don't know the history, etc. I've always felt like an outsider with most everything and every group I've joined even when deep down somewhere inside I know I'm respected by the rest of the group. Yeah I might be respected for what I can bring to the group specifically, but that doesn't mean they don't make fun of me when I'm not around. :( This is always something that worries me.

Well that was a whole lot of writing to say quite simply I hope your foot heals quickly and I know what you mean about wanting more alone time and yet wishing to feel included.