Thoughts on Sirius|XM

One of the very few times where I actually want CanCon is in my 80s music. I grew up with Much Music, in a time when it was Znaimer-owned, and still had some integrity. A lot of the bands promoted on Much Music went on to have great careers and notoriety within Canada, and had some great songs. Many of these songs are right up there with Duran Duran and Heart in my playlist.

Listening to Sirius|XM, I miss hearing Canadian artists. They play a smattering of Bryan Adams and Corey Hart, and that's it. There is no time devoted to Kim Mitchell, The Payolas, The Box, The Grapes of Wrath, Alannah Myles, or Tom Cochrane (with or without Red Rider). The more I listen to Sirius|XM, the more I miss these artists. There is a channel for French Canadian programming, no doubt to comply with CanCon, but this leaves the English artists out in the cold.

One of the biggest problems with 80s on 8 is its repetitive nature. Its programming focuses around what was played on MTV, which I will grant were the biggest hits. The problem is that they play a lot of those hits once or more every day. As someone who listens to this channel in my car, and sometimes during the day in my office, it starts to get annoying after a while. A friend of mine, who received a free 3-month trial with his new car, declined to continue with the service. He cited dead zones and repetitiveness as the two main reasons he wouldn't be continuing with the service. "How many times can they play 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun'?"

Another problem with the programming is the division of catalog. As an 80s fan, I will flip between 80s on 8, Classic Rewind, and 1st Wave. I can only hear The Cure and Depeche Mode on 1st Wave, certain rock songs on Classic Rewind, and the rest on 80s on 8. Unless they are playing the weekly countdown, I would never hear things that were also hits of the 80s, like Kenny Rogers, Eddie Rabbit, or Stacey Q. There is a ton of variety to choose from, but they have segregated the programming so much that they end up with a repetitive mess, or as in the case of 1st Wave, some extremely mainstream pop songs mixed in with very obscure artists.

In one very weird example, 80s on 8 rarely (if at all) played Michael Jackson's Beat It until after his death. Arguably the biggest 80s artist, a song which is on the best selling album of all time, and was a big hit for him. XM, before the merge with Sirius, had a better 80s program director and better variety of music, with the small exception of being a little too focused on Jody Watley for a while. I don't think I've heard Jody Watley more than twice since the merger. Kenny Rogers and Eddie Rabbit had hits in the 80s, whether we like them or not. I can't believe they're finally playing an INXS song on 80s on 8. For being such a hit-prolific 80s band, you wouldn't know it from listening to this channel.

I took a look at the playlist for Galaxie, the commercial-free music service that is part of Canadian digital or satellite TV programming. This is pretty much what I want: Prince's When Doves Cry mixed in with National Velvet's Flesh Under Skin. Unfortunately, having only the old-style analog cable service means I don't get this programming, nor Much Retro, which would play the same style only in video form. If I were made of money, I would upgrade my cable to digital. Alas, I am spending too much money already on TV.

If I had an iPod, and a car with an iPod port, I'd be thinking a bit more strongly about canceling the subscription to the car. I'll be taking this into consideration when I go vehicle shopping next year. I just hope GM has finally smartened up regarding this type of technology. My car is a 2007, and yet it only has a 6-cd changer, and can't even play MP3s. I am probably the only person I know who still makes mixed CDs for my car.

All that being said, the current Sirius|XM is still better than traditional radio. It's easy and convenient to use in my car, and I can and do flip around to other channels. As a long time user, however, I realize how repetitive it truly is. Every once in a while, though, they pull something out that I had totally forgotten about. I guess that's what keeps me hanging on. I also like someone else making the decisions for me on the playlist... sometimes.

The game

Some days you just get tired of playing the game.  Today is one of those days.  I can’t get any answers.  I don’t think I have enough energy today to put up a fight.  Even if I did, I would probably just get flicked away.

 

I’m not intentionally trying to make anyone’s life more difficult.  It just so happens that people perceive it to be that way.  It’s difficult to explain that that is not the case.

 

Sometimes I feel the soul is slowly being sucked out of me, and then there will be nothing left. 

 

I’m not sure how I will get through what has been planned for August.

 

 

July 20th

I added an app to this blog listing events on this day in history. Lots of interesting stuff there. Snow and hail fell in Calais, ME. Failed assassination plot on Hitler. 1st men on moon. Scottish settlers arrive in Pictou, NS.

I can't imagine snow on July 20. That would have been a crappy summer.

Speaking of summer, where's it going? It's already over halfway through July. Once August hits, I start to get a little nervy about summer ending soon. Guess I'd better enjoy the rest of July while it lasts.

Just under 3 weeks to go until the start of NFL preseason games. NFL, how I've missed you. I will enjoy seeing how the new landscape of players & teams pans out.

To the California Penal System:

Please keep Lindsay Lohan in jail for the full 90 days. I don't care if they're overcrowded. Find a way.

Anniversary of birth

Nana would have been 86 today, had she not died at age 65. I'm missing her today.

Allergies

I had allergy testing done this week. I tested positive for trees (Birch being the highest), moderate on dust mites, and low on cat pelt. This does not go well with my wood stove and basement full of wood, including lots of birch. There are also birch trees around my property, but about the only place I can go to escape birch is the desert.

I also have Romy, who we’ve allowed to come in and out of the bedroom at night as he pleases. Everything I read says that keeping the cat out of the bedroom is important. So is sleep. Having Romy scratch at the door all night because he can’t come in means I won’t sleep, and then allergies won’t matter so much. I also don’t consider the cat to be that much of a problem since it was one of the lowest-rated positive item. I swore I wouldn’t be a cat owner who was bullied into obeying the cat’s every whim, but the only time Romy actually likes me is when I’m unconscious/just waking up. He gets to stay, mainly because I don’t think he’s the problem.

My doctor has recommended allergy covers on the bed and pillows, keeping the cat out of the bedroom, and some running to determine if I have any signs of asthma. I can probably accomplish one of those. Running is not something I want to take up full-time as I don’t care to create damage to my joints. It may be worth some trial runs just to see how quickly I run out of breath and if I have a “twitchy” airway feeling.

My doctor also thinks that based on my results, I have understated my symptoms. I don’t really think they’re that bad. They were worse when I also had the sinus infection over the winter. Comparatively speaking, I’m much better now. Still, my medicinal therapy is to use Aerius (a.k.a. Clarinex in the US) and Nasonex once a day. I hate using Nasonex, as I find it always drips back down my nose and makes me more sneezy than before taking it. I also don’t want to rely on it as a long-term solution. I’m fine with Aerius, though I don’t like putting any medication in my body if I can avoid it.

This is my path for the next 7 weeks, and then I go back for another doctor visit to see how the therapies worked.

What is it, exactly?

The possibilities:

- Boredom
- Laziness
- plain old lack of caring
- lack of motivation
- Burnout

I haven't pinpointed it, but it's left me feeling pretty lethargic. I haven't yet come up with a goal, so I can't work toward it. That in itself is particularly frustrating.

At the rate I'm going, it feels like it will last this way for the rest of my life.

I need to figure this out.

New template

When I logged in to Blogger, I discovered a new template designer/formatter. Hello, new format! More purple = good!

Santa cables

Santa may be the only one who can get me the cables I need, so maybe I did.

Mysterious washer

How exactly does an article of clothing come out of the washer more dirty than when it went in? I have eliminated the detergent and fabric softener as options. My washer has been doing this to clothing for years, sporadically. When it happens, it's usually a dark load (or at least that's the only place I'm noticing it). It happened using this same machine in my apartment uptown and my house.

I just don't get it.

Keeping quiet

Ever draft a blog, thinking you know where you're going with it, somehow thinking you will manage to express your opinion without pissing off someone close to you? Doesn't quite work out, does it? Some people plow through and feelings be damned in the name of self-expression. I am just not that kind of person.

I drafted a blog on a topic and realized that where I was headed would likely end up pissing off a few people I know, so I have saved it as a draft and don't plan on posting it. I dislike censoring myself, but this blog is out there on the internet. Simultaneously, I don't know who's reading it, and I know who's reading it.

Blogs often seem like diaries, that you're the only one who cares or pays attention. I'm trying not to fall into that trap though, which ultimately leads me to fewer posts. Unfortunate, but necessary. The issue is very minor, and just not worth it.

Early morning

I set the alarm for 6:30am, got up around 6:45, and left the house around 7:35. I arrived at work at approximately 7:55. Normally it takes me around 10 minutes to get to work, so my travel time has now doubled due to the construction on the Harbour Bridge. Today's traffic was likely exacerbated by those who didn't realize the bridge was starting construction today (they apparently live under rocks, as it has been discussed throughout the city). Tomorrow I anticipate pretty much the same, only with the other bridge being more full of people who think it will be faster. I don't see much relief coming until the end of June, when the school year is finished.

This will be my life for the next 5 1/2 months, as the major construction on the bridge continues. The target date for finishing is Oct 31, but I believe that solely depends on our weather. If we have another rainy summer, this mess will likely drag on into November.

Even though it seems to fit better with my sleep patterns, I don't enjoy getting up that early for the purpose of getting to work on time. Granted, my usual start time is 8:30, so I didn't have to be up quite as early as I was today. If I was getting up early for some other fun purpose, maybe it wouldn't be so bad. But since I was here early, I started work early. No matter what time I come in, I'm here until 5pm anyway (this seems like an exaggeration, but is actually true. I've tried leaving early before, and something always happens to prevent me from leaving before 5pm). So, I just increased my work day and lessened my own spare time. Not exactly thrilled at this idea. It may translate into longer lunches instead. I debated sitting in my car and reading for a half hour, but didn't do it. If I sat in my office and read, someone would inevitably come in and ask me a work-related question, despite the book on my lap.

If I'm going to be stuck in traffic, I just wish it was a more glamorous location. I'd rather be stuck on the 405.

The only bonus to being here this early: I got my parking spot. Barely, as they were already filled up to immediately beside my spot. I would have been pissed to get here this early and still be unable to park in front of my window.

Tombstone Trashing

The cemetery where my maternal grandparents are buried was vandalized last weekend. Thankfully their gravestone escaped the chaos, but I have not heard the fate of my uncle's. This is the latest in many vandalism incidents at this cemetery, and I think it's the most damaging.

The blame for these types of incidents usually goes to teenagers who are bored? evil? stupid? We don't know who vandalized the cemetery, but in some ways it doesn't matter. How anyone could do this to the final resting place of the dead is beyond me. I can't even find the appropriate words.

The Christian way is to forgive those who have done wrong, but I am finding it extremely difficult to be Christian in this situation. How can you do this? What point does it prove? Have any of these people offended you during their lives? I doubt it, given the mass destruction done to stones of every age. Even if an offense had taken place, this is no place or time for revenge.

I can only hope that when you get older, and someone does this to the stone of someone you loved, you'll realize how awful it feels. Maybe you haven't experienced death yet. It comes to everyone.

My spot

I fully admit to being obsessive-compulsive. I know I have a slight problem. So this blog is mainly just for my own venting purposes.

A while ago, while I was at work on a holiday, some kids came by, got on the ground and looked under my car. Since this isn't the greatest of neighborhoods, I wasn't sure what they were up to, but I was betting it wasn't good. They were young enough to be scared off by my pressing of the car panic button. My car was fine.

Since this incident, I have tried as much as possible to park immediately outside my office window, in what I have [in]appropriately labeled "my spot". Sometimes I will move my car when I see it has become free. My feelings have been exacerbated by the multitude of skateboarders who use our parking lot after 4:30, when I'm still here. Then I *really* want my car within view, so I can make sure it isn't getting hurt.

There is a Dodge Neon in our parking lot, owned by a woman who works at the company upstairs, which tends to be parked in a particular spot for the week. I assume she must take a company vehicle and travel for her job. She picks a random spot and parks there, leaving her car until late Friday. Yesterday, though it was a nice day and I should have gone for a walk at lunch, I had to leave my spot to go uptown. When I came back, the Neon was in it. Crap. There goes the opportunity to have my spot for the rest of this week.

This woman has done nothing wrong, it's not really "mine" nor reserved. I don't expect anyone to agree with me. It just grates on me that someone leaves their car in my spot for a whole week. I wish she'd pick *any* other spot, including one of the reserved spots for their company. I assume they leave those spots for executives. Granted she does drive a Neon, so I guess she doesn't care what happens to her car if it sits here overnight for days. I'd never leave my car in this parking lot overnight. Too many hooligans around. There are worse neighborhoods, to be sure, but this one still isn't great when it comes to vandalism at night. We have video surveillance, but if it is monitored, they don't ever seem to do anything about it security-wise. At least not that I have witnessed, since we still have a skateboarder problem.

Side note to the skateboarders: we built you a skate park. Go there. Stay away from my car.

So I'm just annoyed that I can't have "my spot" this week. Nothing I can do, I certainly can't go on a campaign to get my own reserved spot... that's about as likely as getting extra vacation time on my 10 year anniversary. I won't get 4 weeks of vacation until I'm here 20 years. Even then I still wouldn't get my own parking spot.

Winter clothes in summer, again

We’re entering into another summer season, which, in most parts of North America, can get quite hot. In my part of North America, it rarely goes above 25°C (77°F) because my city is on the water. I feel comfortable wearing shorts for maybe 2-3 weeks/year. I am a person who is always cold, I am also thin and don’t have as much body fat as other people.

In my office, our thermostats are networked. Despite having my own office, I don’t have much control over what the desired temperature should be. When we first moved in, the thermostat was capped at a maximum of 74°F (23°C). Then the cap moved to 73°F (22°C) and stayed at that level for quite a while. Today, I noticed that the cap has again been moved and is now at 71°F (21°C). This is happening due to the complaints of a couple of people, who are higher in rank than me, one of whom is constantly too hot. The placement of the building is such that on a sunny day, my side of the office becomes “superheated” and can reach temps up to 78-79°F (25-26°C). I am quite comfortable on those days, and on the off chance that I find it too warm, I remove the sweater I am usually wearing. The other side of the office is tolerable on a sunny day, and freezing on a cloudy day. Thankfully I do not work on that side of the building. Another co-worker has an office on the cold side of the building, and is constantly freezing.

What I find frustrating, other than not being able to control the individual temperature of my office, is that a good portion of the problem could be solved if the too-hot person swapped offices with the too-cold person. I have even suggested this as an option to both people, as it would keep the too-hot person from turning all the office thermostats down and making it colder for everyone. Office politics are involved in this, though, and thus no swap has ever occurred. I’m curious when the straw will break the camel’s back and the office swap may take precedence over other issues. Since the too-hot person is the boss of the too-cold person, this is a realistic option.

In the meantime, I’m usually ok if it is sunny for the morning, and my office gets heated naturally. On a semi-cloudy or overcast day, such as today, I’m now stuck somewhere in the 71°F range. I’m already wearing a sweater, debating a blanket for my legs, and have changed from shoes to sneakers because my feet are cold. I am also debating bringing in slippers to keep my feet warm, and possibly a bathrobe, since our landlord forbids space heaters as a potential fire hazard. It would look pretty silly, but it would get a point across.

I recently put away my winter pants and should move my winter sweaters to the basement. Now I’m not so sure that I should do it, from a comfort perspective. If I want to be warm enough, I may have to keep my winter clothes on during the summer, but that will likely make me feel even colder come winter.

I stopped into a clothing store the other day and saw some nice clothes, though they would be useless for me in this climate. Thin linen shirts are pretty much only good for vacations. How about something that is both summery and built for a cold office? I guess that’s never going to happen.

No breasts at all, thanks

A friend of mine joined a group on Facebook to protest the fact that Facebook treats pictures of breast feeding in the category "obscene":

In North America, however, and some other parts of the “developed” world...we seem to have forgotten this very simple truth. Womens' breasts have become a symbol of sex. They are used to sell everything from cars to clothes to beer....they have been deemed obscene, sexually explicit and indecent for view by Facebook. Ironic, isn't it? that in the context of sex, we are inundated with images everywhere we look of womens' breasts as commodity, but see practically no examples of them shown in the normal context of breastfeeding. Why is is?[sic]
...
When corporations and social groups (like Facebook) create and uphold policies that label breastfeeding as obscene or objectionable, the myths that breastfeeding is private, socially inappropriate or sexually explicit are perpetuated and this has a detrimental effect on societal perception and attitudes surrounding breastfeeding. This in turn has a detrimental impact on breastfeeding initiation and duration rates and stigmatizes and demeans women who are doing nothing wrong. This group is one small step in the effort to normalize breastfeeding and to break down barriers that make it more difficult for women to do so. Thank you for your support.

I agree that breastfeeding is natural. If you're a mother, make the choice and breastfeed if you like. Here's the problem: where do your rights end and mine begin? As a straight woman, I have absolutely no interest in seeing the breasts of other women, whether it be in a sexual or natural context. I simply do not want to be walking down the street and seeing a breast, in an advertisement or a mother breastfeeding her child. Breast feeding zealots have determined, however, that their rights are more important than mine, and thus they can do whatever they please, wherever they please.

If I were to have children and chose to breastfeed, I would not want to expose my breasts in public while feeding. Even though I think the process natural, how do I know the guy next to me in the food court isn't a pervert who enjoys every minute? I would make the choice to do it in private because *I* would feel more comfortable. I would not want others staring at me, seeing my private body parts. I'm a private person, I just don't want to expose myself in that way.

The most significant question I have for this Facebook group is: why are women posting breastfeeding pictures in the first place? Is it purely an exercise in normalization? Or do some women enjoy showing the world that they are breastfeeding their baby?

I am not a mother. I do not have the personal experience to back up my opinions on breastfeeding. What I do know is that it is not as easy as this group purports it to be. I have heard the stories of friends and family who have struggled so hard to make breastfeeding work for them, and it ended up with both mother and baby being miserable. Frankly, this group sounds like the bullying nurses in hospitals who think it's a capital offense to feed a baby formula. Though it has been scientifically proven that breast milk is best for babies, it does not factor in the baby not able to eat breast milk, not sleeping, incessant fussing, miserable mother who can't get any sleep.

We live in a world where there are options, where we know more about things like lactose intolerance. Having a baby is supposed to be one of the greatest experiences in one's life, but only if you are breastfeeding, apparently. Not every baby is as accepting of the "natural way". I doubt that this is a new problem, only that we now have more options.

In summary:
You have a right to choose breastfeeding, but I have a right not to see your breast in a public place.
I also have the right to choose how I want to feed my baby without you forcing a method down my throat, and trying to guilt me into the "right" choice.
I have the right to choose privacy when feeding my baby without feeling guilty for promoting the "natural way".

Ontario Rx drugs

This had better not mean closing stores in the Maritimes to combat the costs.

Rx drugs must be dirt cheap to produce. Forget being a doctor or a lawyer or even winning the lotto. Run a drug company.

The inherent problem with drug companies is that they are for-profit organizations. Morally, how can you charge so much for something that may determine life or death for another person? How did we let drug companies get so strong and powerful that they can determine life or death? It's not fair, but fair is a place you go to get on rides.

NB keeps going down the tubes

The proposed deal to sell NB Power to Hydro Quebec is now dead. To the vocal people who were against the sale, I have one thing to say: It's your turn to come up with something to help us, and I hope you have a better idea.

Few people truly understood how the deal actually worked, and I'm not one of them. But the overreaction by many NBers to this sale left me with a continued feeling of being trapped in a place that denies change at any turn (ironically, since I dislike and fight change regularly). We're now left with a struggling utility that was in bad shape to start, a nuclear power plant that is currently being refitted and is so behind schedule that it is costing us $1M per day to source extra power, and other old-school power sources (such as coal) that not only use limited resources but are harmful to the environment. We're screwed. Really, really screwed.

The idea was right: we needed help. NB Power made up a huge portion of our debt. The problem was that we overvalued what we had, and the politicians didn't anticipate it being such a hot-bed topic. Even though the deal is dead, it will likely result in the current government getting the boot come September. That is unfortunate. They didn't do enough public consultation, but I truly don't think it's enough of a reason to kick them out of power. In the previous election, we kicked the Tories out of power because they pissed us off, so we're basically just a bunch of flip-flopping voters in this province. We react to whatever the latest news is, rather than examining the work done over the past term and also examining what the other major political party has to offer (not much, and we already have enough Tories and Tory policy in Ottawa). I've had performance evaluations done the same way: well, last month you screwed this one item up, so we're docking you on this evaluation. We'll neglect to mention all of the good jobs you've done, because the screw-up was the most recent.

Overall I wasn't comfortable with the idea of our power system or assets being sold to Quebec. As an English Canadian, I am born with a skepticism about Quebec and their separatist tendencies every few decades. It is also my belief that the buyer of something like this would be getting the better deal: Jean Charest is a smart guy. I wasn't totally ok with it, but I didn't have a better idea. NB needed something to help eliminate our crushing debt. The idea was a step in the right direction, at least.

Power rates will go up: that is a given now. Someone has to pay for maintenance to our system, and service NB Power's debt. SJ itself is already in a lot of trouble. We're already paying the highest property taxes in the province, and yet our municipality is still considering cutting services and making us pay user fees for garbage pickup. SJ's roads are crumbling because we never take a preventative maintenance stance on infrastructure. Our water pipes are, in some cases, 100 year old wooden pipes. The water coming out of it is so green that it is akin to a swimming pool. Our dreams of being an "energy hub" are pretty much down the toilet, with the cancellation of the 2nd oil refinery, Irving Oil world headquarters' new building, and (IMO) an announcement soon on the cancellation of plans for a 2nd nuclear reactor. All I am left with are higher taxes, crappy services, and over-inflated property values from all of the "great things" that were happening. I am rapidly running out of reasons why this is a good place to live. If it weren't for my family and friends, I would probably be living in SoCal... enduring brown-outs and getting an IOU on my tax refund from the state.

Hope to hear from the naysayers soon on their better idea for eliminating debt. These are the same people who will complain the loudest when our power rates increase, mark my words.

Programming circles

I logged in to a supplier's website for work and saw this note:

Action Required ALL [website] Users:

Please review this link with the [website name] Changes and training NOW to prepare yourself for the changes.

I clicked on the link, got kicked out, and saw this message:

Please login to [website name]
You are not authorized to perform this operation.
This is NOT a password problem.

Hmmm, well, then what kind of problem is it? Guess I won't be training on the new changes anytime soon if I'm not authorized. Funny, seeing as how I'm an administrator.

The Situational Martyr

I've run across this situation at least 3 times in the last few months. You're having or reading a discussion on a topic, and it is suddenly interrupted by The Situational Martyr.

For instance, I was reading a blog about real vs fake mashed potatoes, initiated by the blogger who paid $25 for a meal at a restaurant only to receive fake mashed potatoes. People were discussing their likes and dislikes, when along came The Situational Martyr. "You can have the luxury of complaining about taste when your belly is full. Everything tastes good when your belly is empty." "You are lucky that you can afford to pay $25.00 for a plate of food."

Thanks, Situational Martyr! I never would have thought about all the hungry people in the world without you there to remind me. It's great that you're so much better than I am, and you're able to attempt to make me feel guilty for affording food. Way to go!

The Situational Martyr also struck recently on my husband's blog. By discussing an issue, it's amazing how the Situational Martyr can swoop in and instantly make you feel small and worthless... if you let him.

The third instance dealt with a friend's Facebook status and I believe the issue was Haiti. Though my memory is fuzzy, I believe The Situational Martyr stepped in to remind us that we should be glad to have a roof over our heads. Again, thanks Situational Martyr! I am never thankful or grateful for what I have, so I count on you to remind me that I'm a pathetic 1st-world greedy slob.

In two of the three cases, The Situational Martyr has chosen to remain anonymous. This is a bullshit cop-out. If you feel this way, why won't you attach your name to it? Does it mean you're embarrassed by your own martyrdom? That can't be possible. The Situational Martyr is too full of himself not to make known his true identity. Another case of the internet creating anonymity so that you don't have to own your feelings and can facelessly hurt others.

I'm confused as to why people can't have a simple discussion about mashed potatoes without being party-crashed by The Situational Martyr. So the blogger wants to discuss potatoes, but you feel the need to make every respondent feel petty and worthless with your reminder that we're lucky to have food? I dare say that this type of response actually makes you worse than those who frivolously discuss potatoes.

What do you do to give thanks, Situational Martyr? Do you never take anything for granted? At minimum, on a weekly basis I consciously pray and give thanks for all that I have in life. I'd be surprised if most people, including you, do this on a regular basis. I'm sick of people like you who try and make yourself look better by putting others down. If I haven't done enough in my life to help the imbalance between rich and poor, then it's up to God to judge me for that, not you.

Florida recap

Overall we had a very good trip to Florida. It was filled only with things we wanted to do, we slept until we woke up naturally, and had lots of time on our hands. I probably would have felt quite rested if it weren't for the sore throat that started on our last day there. I think I'm finally almost over it.

It was cold and windy most of the time we were there. Coldest March Break trip to Florida I've ever had. I wore shorts for a couple of hours one day, that was it; more for posterity than anything else. Temps were in the teens, barely reaching 20°C range. It has been that way in Florida this season, hopefully next year will be better.

The weather limited our activities a bit. I had planned on sitting outside for meals, by the pool reading, or if it was quite hot, I'd even venture to cool myself in the water. Instead, we ended up inside watching TV or movies or reading, which is primarily what we do at home. In that respect, Florida wasn't the best place to go to warm up, but when we booked the trip, we didn't know the temps would be below seasonal.

We got to eat at our favourite places: Olive Garden, Outback Steakhouse, Dennys, Krispy Kreme, Quiznos. We didn't make it to IHOP because John assuaged his pancake desires at Dennys. Breakfast at restaurants is expensive. Other than Krispy Kreme and Dennys, we mostly ate breakfast at home. Some days we had a large lunch and just some leftovers for dinner. I miss having everything so close by, like SoCal.

Arriving around midnight was actually not that bad of an idea. We were tired, but there was no traffic on the roads and we were able to fumble around with directions and wrong lanes without wreaking havoc. It had been 5 years since I was last there, and a lot of roads and routes have changed, so parts were new to me. I actually feel like I know my way around Orange County better than Florida, but this trip was a good Florida refresher.

Our first morning included a trip to Dennys, where we tried the new pancake appetizers. They're like round donut holes fried until crispy and you dip them in syrup. Tasty, but you really need a side plate because otherwise the dripping syrup creates a mess. After Dennys, we discussed what to do next. John suggested SeaWorld, but I didn't feel that going from noon onward was a decent use of the expensive ticket, we really needed a full day to get our money's worth. We stopped at Target for some grocery shopping, and then headed back to the house. We turned on the TV to find out there had been a whale attack on a trainer at SeaWorld. It made national news, and stories as to what happened were conflicting. Glad we weren't there that day after all.

John humored me with lots of shopping time. Most days he was fine, but he was having bad arthritis the day we went to the mall, so I had to cut things short. We decided the next day that he'd bring a book and sit in the car if he got too sore/tired, but it was a better arthritis day and I didn't have as many places to hit at the outlet mall.

We stayed at my Dad's rental house, so it was pretty much like having all the comforts of home. The only exception to that was the lack of TiVo, which you really miss when you don't have it. It probably wouldn't have been missed so badly if the weather had been nicer and we were out and about instead of inside watching TV/Olympics. The TVs were better than home, Dad recently replaced the existing units with new LCDs. That gave us a good test of the Vizio brand. Granted, most LCDs will look better than a CRT these days.

I found a sale online and bought us tickets for Medieval Times. That was an attraction I had driven past plenty of times, but never actually stopped and went in. We enjoyed our time there, the show was entertaining, but the people in our section didn't seem to want to cheer on our knight. We were frequently the loudest people in the red section, and we're not very loud to begin with. I think this is an event where you need to go with a group of friends, and a time when loud, drunk friends come in handy. ;) Because it is emulating a time without cutlery, you're supposed to eat everything with your hands. I had no problem with this rule, but the people beside me brought their own cutlery... lame. So my hands got dirty, big deal. I actually liked drinking my soup. I'd definitely go again, but next time I would prefer to take friends with us.

If we are fortunate enough to go again next year, I hope the weather will be warmer.

Woken by Thunder

I'm in Florida. I was awoken by thunder, not something I hear regularly where I'm from. Looking forward to a week of not wearing my winter coat & boots.

I'm in a phase of not updating my facebook status. Not sure how long it will last, but right now I don't feel like rubbing in everyone's face that I'm on vacation somewhere sunny & warm (no offense to those who do). Sometimes I get in these moods where I want people to actually seek me out rather than have my doings appear in front of them. If I was counting, that plan isn't working out so well thus far.

Saturday night we're headed to Medieval Times, which I've driven past plenty of times but never actually been to. [Wow, raining pretty hard out.] Other than that, we don't have a lot specifically planned. I have lots of places I'd like to go shopping, and I'm also quite content to sit & read. John has expressed an interest at "seeing" DisneyWorld, but I'm not sure if we'll actually enter a park. Downtown Disney is free access and lots of shopping/restaurants, maybe we'll hit that. The vacation world is our oyster.

This is the first vacation I've had in a long time that wasn't attached to a work meeting. Though I did answer a few work emails in the airport last night, I plan on actually being on vacation. I do need and will enjoy a break from work. I need to recharge.

Food reviews

My husband mentioned the new Milky Way Caramel bar, and I went on a hunt for some images and/or product info. I stumbled upon a blogger who does food reviews, and I found her site really interesting. Check it out if you have a chance. Lots of pics and honest opinions, which I like.

Gigi's review of the In N Out Double Double really reminds me of how much I miss In N Out :(

Medical advancements?

As I sat in my doctor's office and my local hospital, it struck me how manual these operations still are.

In my doctor's office, the only computer to be seen is on the receptionist's desk. If there is one in the doctor's office, I wouldn't know, as she doesn't normally take patients in there. She wrote me a manual order for urine testing, on a pad of pre-printed forms on which she can also request blood work. She also wrote me a couple of prescriptions, mostly legible compared to a lot of doctors (though I still can't make out some of her writing). My doctor writes her comments and notes on loose leaf in my chart. From what I can tell, my chart is just a pile of notes and reports that aren't really organized in any fashion other than chronologically, in that the most recent test result is likely on top. The real kicker is the fact that she waits for snail mail for test results, which usually takes 2 weeks from the lab to my doctor's desk. If it was an emergency, she may call the hospital for a verbal report.

I stopped by one of my local hospitals to drop off my urine sample. I pressed the button on the ticket machine to get a thermal-printed number, and waited for my turn to sit at a desk (some desks are not private) and my number to appear on a digital display. I answered a bunch of questions for the registration process (where I'm going, what for, who ordered the tests, and verified my contact info was still accurate). Then I proceed over to specimen collection to obtain labels for my urine samples. The clerk took my paper order from my doctor, entered some info, checked that I had registered in the lobby, and printed laser labels for me to attach to the bottles. I dropped the samples in a Rubbermaid bin which sits out in front of the counter, free for anyone to contaminate.

On a previous visit to one of the two hospitals in my city, I was really surprised to find that their computer information systems are not linked. I have a provincially-issued Medicare number, which I thought meant that there was a central database of my information that could be accessed by any hospital in the province (wrong!) or at the very least, hospitals in my immediate region (still wrong!). What I discovered was that each hospital has its own information store on me... I still can't believe that is true in 2010.

The hospitals in my region recently switched to an "appointment-only" system for bloodwork. We do not have privately-run blood labs like my husband had in SoCal; all bloodwork must be done at a hospital or designated satellite location. Under the new system, you must call for an appointment at a specific location. While waiting for my urine sample labels, I noticed that the appointment system is a series of large binders full of paper forms, with appointments written in pencil. Seriously. One binder for each hospital/satellite location and one person answering the phone, penciling in appointments.

That day's visit to the hospital yielded some more puzzling administrative questions. This hospital is very large, and serves our city as well as our region. In some cases, people are transferred here from other parts of the province for specialized care. While I do agree that finding your way around can be challenging if you are new, I am not sure this is the best way to handle things.

Wayfinding kiosks?!?! My heart goes out to the senior citizens, who simply want to ask a real human being where the x-ray department is. Do you get the feeling that soon, there will be reduced hours for the human at the info desk, and possibly its elimination?

In my mind, I visualize something so totally different than what we currently have:

I would be able to make a doctor's appointment for a non-emergency issue that would be sooner than 6 weeks away. When I go to my doctor's office, she would have a PC in every exam room. On this PC, she could call up my chart, search for similar complaints, perhaps cross-reference my symptoms. She could call up test results from a centralized database which is shared among the medical community for the province. In this database, test results would be summarized with a flag for "follow-up needed" so that those results could be addressed first. If she needs me to go get bloodwork or drop off a urine sample, she would ask me which hospital I'd prefer to use, and then submit a request with all of the appropriate tests. This request would reside in the database, and would be accessed by the specimen collection desk at the hospital. I would go straight to the specimen collection desk (why would I need to register for a sample drop-off?), they'd pull up my doctor's request and pertinent info, and away I go.

If I needed to register at the hospital, kiosks would be available for non-complex registrations. I would walk up to one, swipe my medicare card, reconfirm my info, specify where I was going, etc. This is one area where I think human interaction isn't necessarily needed, especially for patients who make frequent/routine visits to clinics or labs. This is where I think spending money on kiosks would actually do some good. I am, however, a strong believer in having humans available to help those who do not want to use a kiosk system. You shouldn't force technology on those who are timid, just because you think it is easy. You also shouldn't cause a giant bottleneck by not using technology.

For prescriptions, my doctor would have completed a request via the PC in the exam room, asking at the time which pharmacy I would like to use. I assume here that the system is simple enough for the doctor to click options and hit send faster than writing everything out on a pad of paper, and linked with the existing notes she is making on my electronic chart anyway (as she's charting the Rx, it also creates the Rx). If the doctor does not have enough time, it could be a two-step process. The doctor fills out the Rx portion and approves using a PIN/password. The receptionist could then fill out the pharmacy and do the actual transmission. There would also be a box for "fill now" or "fill later", so that when I went to the pharmacy, the Rx was ready for pickup (or on file for later).

Bloodwork appointments should be available to request online. I would log in to a secure site, do a lookup for what is available, and compare different locations for availability. I could take a moment to compare that to my personal calendar, instead of making someone on the other end of the phone wait while I make sure I'm available at the time they give me, as opposed to the time I choose.

Most of what I see in the medical profession is done with the attitude that the profession's time is more valuable than the patient. I think it's time to prioritize the patient's time for a change, and let me get through my medical processes a bit faster. I may still have to wait a while for an x-ray or a CAT scan, but life would be a lot simpler if I could drop off a urine sample in less than an hour.

Brangelina: just another Average Joe couple

The whole media-invented triangle of Brad-Jen-Angelina has been going on for 5 years now. Hard to believe it’s 5 years later and we’re still getting tabloid stories of how Jen is lonely and Angelina and Jen fighting, etc. Now there are swirling rumors that Brad and Angelina are breaking up because they haven’t appeared together at recent awards shows and are not scheduled to appear at the Oscars this year.

We really don’t know these people from a hole in the wall. All we know is what we are told by entertainment media, who will tell us anything as long as we keep reading/watching. Let’s liken this situation down to an Average Joe level.

Guy leaves his wife for another woman. This happens so often in real life that it has almost become the norm. Most people would expect the parties to have moved on by now. Why can magazines still be sold that purport “fights” between these two women? Why does anyone care? There have been plenty of instances of this situation in Hollywood before, but none have kept hanging on this long. How many years will it take before we stop reading these stories? I guess it doesn’t help that, according to the media, Jen hasn’t really had a new marriage-worthy relationship since Brad left. I can’t help but wonder, if Brad and Angelina do break up, and after the inevitable “Brad goes running back to Jen” stories, if we’ll finally be treated to not having to read about the faux triangle anymore.

[Sidebar: Or, another thought: is one of the three parties so desperate for media attention that they feed little tidbits to the magazines to keep them printing stories? My money’s on Jen, but that’s probably because I don’t care for her public image anyway. I think she’s a run of the mill actress who isn’t as gorgeous as I keep being told she is.]

As far as this supposed breakup goes, I’m confused on why not making appearances together constitutes a breakup. They are possibly the biggest celebrity couple going right now. They can never escape the camera, but don’t you think they’d like to sometimes? Do we think Angelina likes taking hours to get ready for an awards show over & over again? If she’s like any other typical American, she likes some time lounging in sweatpants and t-shirts (she just can’t do that in public as that would be image-ruining). According to the media, this is a couple who do a lot for various charitable causes. Angelina for the UN, Brad for New Orleans, etc. They have a charitable foundation. They have stated they would not marry until gay marriage was legal. If they have these strong actions and beliefs, wouldn’t it make sense that they think award shows are fluff and meaningless? I doubt their hearts are breaking that they can’t appear. Stars appear at these shows because they need to promote themselves. I can’t think of two people who need promotion less than they do. Neither have a movie out right now that is in dire need of promotion, and I don’t think Brad’s in the running for any nominations, despite the moderate success of Inglorious Basterds.

All this being said, there can only be so many rumors before we find out it's actually true. Given her previous comments about never wanting to be "the other woman" after what her parents went through, I'm surprised it lasted this long.

Addendum: in the same vein, E! discusses this in Conspiracy Corner.

Punishment for keeping things safe

Regarding this incident.

I applaud the state trooper for chasing a criminal across the border. I think a suspension was too harsh when the guy she was chasing was a potential DUI. So he gets to run the border and she has to just stop and let him go? That doesn't sound reasonable.

Did she have the jurisdiction to arrest him after crossing the border? No. I think she should have been allowed to chase him, radio for Canadian help, and detain him until Canadian help arrived and gave him a breathalyzer. Then the Mounties could have thrown his ass in jail and/or deported him back to the US. I don't care what kind of "situation" happened to a relative, that doesn't give you the right to run from the police. If you don't want to deal with the police, don't do stuff that makes them want to come after you. Dumbass!!!

This is a case of laws and rules not equating with common sense. I agree with one of the comments, I hope the penalty for not stopping at the border crossing was more harsh than a DUI. With the way the legal system works, it probably is.

Unknown ailment

After returning home in September, I developed what I thought was an allergy. Every day since then, I have woken up with congestion, sneezing, nose-blowing, and slightly crappy feeling. Some days are worse than others, a few days have required an Advil cold & sinus tablet, but most days I have just put up with it and went on with my day. It's been frustrating, but I wasn't sure I wanted to go through allergy testing. At first, I thought I was getting a cold, but then it just kept going without really getting any worse.

Yesterday it got worse. I was coughing, the runny nose just didn't stop, and I felt worse than usual. I talked to my mother, and she suggested that I could have a sinus infection going on. Since it is not high allergy season, it wasn't as likely to be an allergy, and that it could be feasible for a sinus infection to hang around since September. She suggests it could also be a sinus infection caught from being on an airplane, and this started right after I flew home from SoCal.

I managed to sneak in on a cancellation with my doctor this coming Monday afternoon. We'll see what she has to say. I will probably have to go in diagnosing myself, and she will probably berate me for not bringing it to her attention sooner as I have been in to see her since it began. Of course, she will berate me quickly without letting me get a word in edgewise, and then throw drugs at me with the hope that it will fix the issue. Always such a fun experience going to my GP.

Today I'm feeling better than yesterday, but it could just be the meds helping me out. It could have turned into a cold now, but I can't tell because half of my symptoms have been there for months. My throat is a bit wonky, but not the usual sore throat at start of cold that I tend to get. I dunno. I just want to not wake up miserably sneezing and nose-blowing every day anymore.

Yes Virgina, train tracks ARE still dangerous in 2010

This article made me very angry at lunch today. It should be entitled "I'm too stupid to not realize that stopping on railroad tracks is potentially dangerous".

I've gone through that area many times. I do not sit on the tracks, as I am aware that at any moment, the warning may come on and a train may be coming by. I've seen many people ignore the tracks though, and sit on them [seemingly] without a care.

If you're dumb enough to sit your car there while you wait to get to Retail Land, then it should be a case of natural selection doing its duty.

Facebook color status = LAME

This is lame. Here's why:

1) No explanation of what's going on. How can you raise awareness when no one knows what's going on? Usually these FB things say to copy & paste something to your status. Yes, the mystery does make it go viral faster, I will grant that, but...
2) Simply posting a color doesn't do ANYTHING to raise awareness for a cause.
3) It's called UNDERwear for a reason. The only person I want knowing the color of my skivvies is my husband. I'm bashful that way.


If you want to raise awareness for Breast Cancer, make it clear what you're posting and why. Otherwise, donate time or money and accomplish something that will actually help someone.

Of course, by posting this blog, I have just made you aware of Breast Cancer. I can't even complain without somehow helping their lame premise.

Possible church closures

Regarding this article.

I hate to see this happen, but there is no doubt that church closures will have to happen in my home province. Priest enrollments are down, people are dissatisfied with the ways of the Catholic church, and fewer people are attending services. Everyone has the right to choose if or how they worship. It seems as though a lot of people just don't care about church or religion, and that is their choice.

What bothers me are those who seem to make it a seasonal event. If you go at Christmas, Easter, and insist that your wedding or funeral be held at a particular church, why aren't you there the rest of the time? Is it truly *that* hard to attend weekly, or even monthly? I'm not even talking from a totally religious perspective -- churches need money. If you want this building, this institution, to remain available for you, then you need to contribute more than a few times/year. I am not trying to single anyone out in particular. I am just concerned by the seeming indifference by some people that the church will always be there when they need it. I have heard stories of demanding brides and families over weddings and funerals. Some act as though the church and priest must bend over backward to appease their every whim. The priest is going to be much more accommodating to a parishioner with whom he is familiar, and who contributes to the community, whether it be financially or volunteer activity, etc.

The Catholic church is rich. My local church is not. Are we suddenly going to see the Vatican sell off its riches and dole the proceeds out to the local communities? Not likely. Therefore, it's up to the parishioners of a church to contribute time/money/etc. to keep their church alive, both spiritually and structurally. My church recently asked its members for an additional $2/week to help cover a new rent payment we must make for our rectory/office space. Do I sit back and whine about how much gold is at the Vatican? I can, but that doesn't solve the problem.

I can see the writing on the wall when it comes to possible closures. We have had at least two bishops over recent history who have done nothing to address the problem. We simply have too many buildings compared to demand, and demand doesn't appear to be increasing anytime soon. It makes financial sense that some buildings will have to be shut down and combined with others.

My church is one that I would assume to be on the chopping block. It was built in the 1880s, and requires a lot of maintenance that we can't afford. We're not currently making our operating budget. In this area of the city, there is another church that is only 50 years old, and large enough to accommodate both congregations. There is a third church, the smallest of the three, that remains open despite having a very small congregation. Realistically, we can only support one church in this area, not three, but no one has been brave enough to take action. I would hate to see my church go. I am attached to the building, the organ, the feel. I know it makes sense that we should all go to the newer church and close the other two, but it's a hard pill to swallow.

The harsh reality is that people are moving away from the church/organized religion. We can't keep ignoring it, we have to do something to stem the monetary bleeding. I hope my financial and volunteer contributions can help my church stay afloat and open for people. If you want to keep the doors open too, you need to help more than a few times per year.

Refillable, but how?

I have always been a fan of Staedtler Lumocolor markers. I have full sets of 8 colors of both permanent and non-permanent markers, at home and at work. They are high-quality products that perform well and last for quite a while. Nothing, however, lasts forever. Upon discovering that one of my sets has dried up, I set about researching how to take advantage of the "refillable" option that is stamped on the side of the markers.

The refill option looks very neat and convenient. You stick the marker in a base, and it sucks up the new ink until it's full, then stops. Sounds cool. There's nothing wrong with my markers, other than being dry, so this seems like the way to go... except for a couple of caveats. Despite all 8 colors stating they are refillable, the company only lists 4 colors of refill tanks available. When I researched the price of the refill tanks, I was shocked to see that they are approximately $15 per color. A new set of markers, under corporate pricing, was only $12. Since I do not go through markers that quickly, nor does anyone else in my office use these, buying the refill tanks for only 4 of the colors doesn't make any financial sense.

What frustrates me is that Staedtler seems to be promoting an environmental angle on their website with their "efficient for ecology" tagline and program. They promote the refill option, but don't offer it for all colors of the same product. If it is cost-prohibitive for an occasional user to refill rather than re-purchase, how is that ecologically friendly?

If I had an office full of co-workers who all used these markers, the cost of the refill station could be spread among many people and would end up being cheaper overall. For a single user, it is cheaper to throw out the old and buy new. Why do they not have a single-refill option, perhaps not quite as slick, so that us Average Joes could benefit and do something more environmentally-friendly?

Thoughts on 2009 and 2010

Since coming home from California in September, I have developed an allergy. I wake up every morning congested and sneezing until it clears out. Today, not so bad. Yesterday, so bad I had to take meds. I'm not sure what the trigger is. I don't even know if it is worth getting tested.

I let our bedroom get so dusty that the dark wood furniture was literally white. Although my congestion issue is due to allergies, I was secretly hoping it had to do with the immense amount of dust buildup.

We got a cat this year. Romy has been a good addition to our house, and I like having him around. He isn't the cat I thought he would be, though. I wanted more of a cuddly cat, whereas Romy likes to keep his distance. He also prefers John to me lately. I tried for many minutes to coax him up on the bed so I could pet him, whereas he prefers that I bend over and pet him while he's on the floor. I eventually gave up and went back to my morning routine. John wakes up, calls for him once, and he immediately gets up and leaps to the bed to go and see John. We both expected for John to be the one who was preferred, since he's a cat person and the one who is home all day. It just seems like the preference has gotten stronger recently, and I'm not sure why.

I am not going to apologize for taking a vacation.

I need to try and stop being lazy this year. I have let a lot of things go by the wayside with the excuse that I "never have time for myself", but that doesn't feel like it's cutting it anymore. At some point, I have to do things I don't like, such as cleaning our bedroom, office, and fridge. It just won't leave me with much time to do things like read or watch TV. I also can't say that I'm thrilled to do these things after working all day. Last night, I came home, scrounged some supper, made cherry bread for John to use up the litre of buttermilk, made muffins for my breakfast for the next two weeks, researched a supper idea for the next day, washed lettuce for the next day's lunch, did some laundry, took down some xmas decorations, and by the time all of that was done, it was 9:30. We watched an hour of TV, then I tended to more laundry, plastic wrapped the baking, set things out for the morning, and it was past 11. It felt good to accomplish a lot, but I also wanted to do an hour on the treadmill and read some more of my book. I need to find the balance between self-indulgence and housework, where I get to do some of each, not just all of one.

Christmas memories

As it is the season, I've been thinking a lot about Christmases past. This is my first Christmas without any grandparents, and also the first Christmas without a home to visit that has been in my life for a while (my grandfather's house sold a few weeks ago). I have had many great Christmases, and a few crappy ones. Here are some memories that come to mind (in no particular order):

• The year Dad gave Mum her sapphire ring. That was the most excited I have ever seen her. There are few things better than seeing your mom totally ecstatic and happy.
• 1986 - Santa finally brings me my own color TV. I was thrilled. I still have that TV, in my basement, and it still works.
• 1996 - my Dad had left the house that fall. This was the worst Christmas ever. I was working a co-op job at the time, and co-workers were walking around singing carols on our last day of work. I went to the basement office, shut the door, and cried because my family situation was so messed up and I had no idea what kind of Christmas I was in store for. The next few Christmases after that were rocky until we got adjusted to our new family structure.
  
• The year I got my blue winter coat, which I proudly put on and posed in.
• The year my younger brother snuck downstairs early to see the presents from Santa, only to be caught by my older brother, which sent my younger brother running back upstairs screaming. By 9am he was still sleeping. I didn't actually witness this, but I love the story.
• The year my younger brother sat on the floor opening presents, with Nana right in the room, and he opens her present. "Clothes" he says, and whips them over his head and they almost land on Nana. My mother was mortified at the time, but it's a hilarious family story now.
• The year I was threatened with a knife, and somewhat seriously. I care not to discuss this one further, but it is definitely a Christmas memory I won't forget.
• My younger brother used to carefully unwrap his presents and then wrap them back up, thinking no one would be the wiser. Mum always knew.
• I don't have a memory of this, but we had a year of our tree falling over, before we were finally smart enough to tie string around it as an anchor. One year it dumped water all over the presents and my older brother volunteered to re-wrap everything. Mum turned him down.
• The years I have spent Christmases away from home (only 3 times, as it is quite hard to pry me away at Christmas): 1985, when we were away on "The Big Trip" and spent Christmas in Melbourne, Australia. We hung our regular socks for Santa, who brought us some foreign treats. 2003, when my mother and younger brother spent xmas with my older brother and nephew. I'll never forget the dance my nephew did as he came downstairs to see what Santa brought. 2007, when I spent Christmas in California. My husband did a wonderful job making it feel Christmasy for me. He bought a small artificial tree, put up some lights, and I brought our stockings with me.
• 2005, my first Christmas with John. It was his first time seeing that much snow, and he had a blast making a snowman, snow angels, and plotted building a fort. He also learned the joys of shoveling snow.
• This year was Romy's first Christmas with us. I thought he would be pretty excited by the tree, bows, paper, and ribbon. Instead, he was excited by the watering can, and a PBS Nature special on Christmas in Yellowstone Park, featuring a fox that he became enthralled with watching.
  

Winter

The feeling has hit me again the last couple of days: winter is coming. The post-Christmas season of cold, snow, wind, darkness, and loneliness. I don't have SAD, but I do get increasingly uneasy as the thought of January and February draw closer. The feeling seems to get worse every year. This year I have a husband who's home to keep a fire on, and a cute kitty cat who sometimes allows me to spend time with him, but I still have that feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. Heavy coats, biting wind, bundling up just to run outside and back in, falling on ice, driving through dangerous conditions... I am not looking forward to this. I also have a trip to Florida in late February/early March. I'm excited for it, but it's not quelling the feeling. I will still have to deal with winter, no matter what, unless I leave Canada. That's not in the cards for the foreseeable future.

Winter is fun for those who enjoy outdoor activities. Since my main activity is walking, that's not something I want to do outside this time of year. I guess I need to concentrate on finding fun things to do when it's cold. Last year, a co-worker and I went skating at Lily Lake on our lunch hour, that was fun. John has also been asking since last winter to go skating, so I need to find him some skates. I used to enjoy sliding, so I should probably get a couple of sleds and introduce John to that as well. He is still catching up on all of the snow-related activities he missed from growing up in a desert. Maybe if I can tap into his enthusiasm, I will get more out of the coldest months.

To quit or not to quit

My husband thinks I need a new hobby. Hobbies are supposed to be fun ways to spend your time, but knitting has not turned out that way for me. I find it stressful. My biggest problem seems to be that I misread patterns. I think it’s time to face the facts: I’m just not very good at it. Since I don’t seem to be capable of liking my work despite its faults, and get so angry when I make mistakes (which are frequent), I’m not sure what’s really in it for me.

I am still a beginner. All of these projects I’m doing are the first time I’ve tried different techniques. When I knit a scarf for myself, ran out of yarn, and ended up with an abruptly cut-off side, I adjusted for that the next time I used that pattern… but then it still didn’t come out looking right. I want to be able to do something right, if not the first, I’d hope the second time.

Other than misreading patterns, I think my other big mistake is always making things for others. I put too much stress on making gifts that must be nice, instead of practicing on stuff that’s just for me. I can still be annoyed with it, but at least I haven’t given a “Charlie Brown Christmas tree” to someone I care about.

I’m giving my husband’s suggestion some consideration. After I finish the Christmas presents I’m working on, I may think about hanging up the needles, at least for a while.

Glee

I am enjoying Glee on Fox, but I have one major complaint. Having been a long-time viewer of Days of our Lives in the '90s, I spent months (felt more like years) enduring the "fake pregnancy" storyline of Kristen Blake, resulting in her wearing pregnancy pads, not wanting John Black to touch her, Stefano finding another pregnant woman to impersonate her... let's just say the memories aren't good. I hope the writers of Glee don't drag this storyline out for the entire first season.

I know TV is supposed to be an escape and not realistic, but I have some serious issues with this storyline. Will and Teri are married and live together. He WILL see her naked at some point, this is inevitable, even if it's just from changing clothes. The character of Teri is annoying and unlikeable enough to start, and adding this storyline makes me want to fast forward through the sections with her in it. The fact that the school hired Teri as a nurse, without any qualifications, is intentionally ridiculous, but it made me angry more than laugh at the exploits.

The writing seems to be very uneven on this show. John has commented many times about it. Suddenly you feel as though you've missed an episode, or a scene, and feel a bit lost.

The kids and the music are great. Tone down the use of the wife and resolve the fake pregnancy, and try to get a little more even in the writing, and I think it's a great show.

Eddie Bauer is rapidly becoming not worth it

After the pants I shipped to my MIL's house did not fit, I reordered in a larger size. I specifically put down my PO box, which when I shipped to her, was also a PO box, so I thought this was a feasible way to ship. I received a call from FedEx this week saying they could not deliver to a PO box and needed a street address. Now I will have to pay a fee to a local hardware store to receive my package. I called Eddie Bauer and expressed my displeasure that they did not warn me that it couldn't be delivered. Her explanation was basically a "sometimes they can, sometimes they can't" answer.

I've been having other problems with them when it comes to sizing. The inconsistent sizing is a puzzler to me: I ordered the exact same pair of jeans, in the same cut, same size, the only different thing was the wash and I had bought the original pair in-store in Canada. When they arrived, it was as though they were a size smaller than labeled. A similar thing happened to me the last time I ordered through their catalog. I ordered the identical pair of pants to those I had purchased in-store, and when they arrived, it was as though I had ordered the "short" length. I checked all of the labels, nothing appeared wrong but they were definitely not right.

If the latest order does not work out, I am not sure I want to purchase anything from their catalog again. It's incredibly expensive to ship directly to Canada, and shipping to Calais is a pain. The closest store is Moncton, and I am not there very often. They also do not stock all styles in-store, so I am left trying to accommodate my new figure by inconvenient catalog ordering.

All of this is leaving me with the wish that I could make my own clothes. At least then they would fit.

Trash radio

Radio in SJ is trash, yes, I am quite aware of that. However, it's too quiet in my office, so we need some kind of constant background noise. I share an office with another person. If either of us plays our own catalog on our PC, it often results in one of us not being happy with the music selection. I own a portable XM receiver, but it is not something I would prefer to bring in and leave at the office. Streaming audio at work is forbidden, since I issued the rule, I also have to abide by it. That leaves us with the option of radio to fill the noise gap.

One of my local radio stations recently underwent a format change, dumping the 70s and 80s from their roster, and put in a new slogan of "today's best hits". They they fill half their schedule with 90s music. Somehow they haven't understood the concept behind their new tagline. Nor have they bothered to update their website to reflect this supposed format change.

With this recent format change, I notice the 80s have all but disappeared from the SJ radio scene. I find that odd, seeing as how the 80s are experiencing a big resurgence right now. We're now left with country, 60s/70s on AM dial, 2 stations offering 90s and today, classic rock (a tiny bit of 80s), and someone playing their favorite CanCon in their mom's basement. The generic 80s are noticeably lacking.

Speaking of crappy radio, a lot of what they play from mom's basement is what I saw on a CBC documentary on 70s Canadian music. Again, I reiterate to them: you have decades worth of music to choose from... choose more wisely. There are even more 70s CanCon to choose from than what you're currently playing.

Upbeat tunage

Songs that, no matter what is going on, will always make me turn up the volume and feel good. They aren't associated with bad memories, and they're just fun. I'm gathering a list from my library and will prob make a mix.

• What You Need - INXS
• Everybody Have Fun Tonight - Wang Chung
• Sussudio - Phil Collins
• Turn Up The Radio - Autograph
• (Reach Up For The) Sunrise - Duran Duran
• Get It On (Bang A Gong) - Power Station
• Living In America - James Brown
• Good Times - INXS with Jimmy Barnes
• You Don't Mess Around With Jim or Bad Bad Leroy Brown - Jim Croce (can't decide between the two!)
• State of Shock - The Jacksons and Mick Jagger
• Billie Jean or Beat It - Michael Jackson
• I Believe In A Thing Called Love - The Darkness
• Panama - Van Halen
  

An ongoing list, as I remember songs to add to it.

Changes

Like every other woman on the planet, as my body gets older, it's going through some changes. For me, it means I've gone up another size on the bottom half, and now have a more hippy figure than I am used to. I never thought I'd be the one to buy "curvy fit" at stores, but here I am. I'm not happy about it, but genetics are involved and though I am doing more exercising, there's only so much I can do about it, seeing as how I can't quit my job to work out all day like a movie star.

What struck me this morning is that I have nothing to wear to the impending funeral. I am not used to "growing out" of my clothes, so I can't walk downstairs and grab one of my nice (classic, not 90s purple, I promise) suits because they don't fit anymore. I had finally gotten to a point where I felt I had most of the categories purchased and was well-covered for all occasions... and now I have to start all over again. I already have clothes... they just don't fit anymore. That's frustrating.

While the prospect of shopping for a new wardrobe sounds fun, the expense isn't something I'm thrilled about. I'm to the point where I want to buy better clothes, ones that wash well, fit well, flatter my new shape. That costs money, more money than I usually spend. Buying a new wardrobe isn't something I have been saving for, either. Not sure how I'm going to justify some of the expense to my husband, who thinks my level of clothing inventory is already the largest he's seen from any woman. Usually he's ok with me making new purchases as long as I weed out the old, so we'll see. I'm not talking a zillion dollars here, just $70-120 instead of $30-50; it will add up.

I'm already on the hunt for winter cords, seeing as how I coasted through last winter on fumes. Luckily a lot of places are now offering different fits & cuts. Eddie Bauer curvy fit cords, here I come.

I haven't had a good relationship with my body in the past, and these changes are making me feel worse about myself. Do people look at me and say, "hunh, she's finally put on some weight, ha ha ha!" That's sort of how I feel when people are near. It may be the furthest thing from their mind (at least until they read this), but not mine. I have stopped short of wearing barrels and baggy clothes, rest assured.

I called Personal Shopper Jenn for her help to find me something that I can wear to upcoming inevitable events. I've sometimes not been the best shopping companion as I adjust to New Body™, but she has been extremely patient with me, so I have to thank her for putting up with me. ;) I'm slowly getting better and trying to focus on the positive side of getting a new, higher quality wardrobe.

Losing & loss

I wrote this section before getting a call from my Dad that my grandfather had an estimated 24-48 hours to live. I guess I was just in a depressed mood yesterday morning.

****************

Death scares me. In my mind, it is an unrecoverable loss. I'll never get to see those people again for the rest of my life. It's been 20 years since my grandmother died, and I still keenly feel the loss. I have many good times to remember her by, but it's not the same. I'd rather have her here with me, able to spend time with her as an adult, learn from her some skills I wish I'd been old enough to learn 20 years ago. I have a lot of regrets about not learning all that I could while I still could. I should have put more effort into knitting, should have paid more attention when she was cooking, should have should have should have. This was 20 years ago, and yet I can’t even type this without crying.

My grandfather is not well. He’s the last grandparent I have, and I know what’s coming. He will die, and I will have no grandparents left. His house will be sold, and that last connection to childhood places will be gone. I’m scared to visit him in the hospital, but I know that I have to. I don’t know how to deal with the deterioration, the frail body, the less intelligible speaking.

John may live a shorter life than me. After he’s gone, I’ll be alone. My parents will likely be gone, my brothers probably living away. John and I have no plans for children, but even if we had them, they likely wouldn’t want to be burdened with their lonely mother as they’d have their own lives to lead. He’s the one person who is there 24/7 listening intently to what I have to say, and I’m scared there won’t be anyone who cares that much if he’s not here.

I know I bore some people with my issues, I can see their eyes glaze over, their attention turns to something else, or they just start talking over me. It happens frequently, at least that is my perception. That’s one of the main reasons for this blog, so I can speak uninterrupted and for as long as I need.

***************

Dad called yesterday around 10:30am with the news. I went to the hospital at lunch and last evening. It's hard to see Gug like that, with his teeth out, mouth hanging open while he slept. He was never a large man, but not being able to eat the last few months means that he's basically wasted away. He doesn't look like himself. I need to push past this and go visit anyway, so he knows I'm there.

I'm tired of losing people. I haven't really lost that many people, to be honest, but I'm tired of it nonetheless. I know there are more losses to come in life, and it's going to happen to people even more close to me. My faith does help me believe that the people who have passed are in a better place, but I'm selfish and want them still here with me.

Gug never wanted to be immobile, bedridden, etc. He had surgery on his eyes for cataracts and cornea transplants, something which encouraged me to become an organ donor candidate. He also had veins stripped and replaced in his legs to help circulation. These things helped to keep him going, living with his dog in his house, mostly independent. He loves to read, golf, and bowl, but wasn't able to do much of that recently.

What I dread the most is the aftermath. I dread funeral parlour and funeral. Having to go to the church and the gravesite is going to rehash a lot of memories from my grandmother's funeral 20 years ago. I feel like I'm going to endure a double loss. Thankfully I have John to support me.

God, when you decide it's time, please take care of him.

Bad guy

Why does the onus have to be on me to interpret your grammatical error in such a way that it makes sense? I could be a real bitch about it and tell you I have no idea what you’re saying, but I can tell you how that conversation would turn out. “You know what I meant. Geez, what are you so sticky on grammar for?” Then I’m the bad guy for “making you” feel stupid, thus eliciting a defensive reaction in which you would feel the need to put me down. Why should I be the bad guy when you’re the one who types a sentence that mistakes “once” for “ones”?

Caring time is over

People will only care for so long. No matter how many times you remind others of your life's hardship, there is an inherent shelf life to how long you can gain sympathy from others. I have run into this three times in my life (one of which I am not discussing here intentionally).

5 years ago, after a long-term relationship breakup, I spent a lot of time talking, joking, whining, and stuck in a post-breakup rut. It got to the point where I had to be kicked in the ass by a friend of mine, who told me to basically "get over it" and addressed the specifics of my complaints in a way that made sense to me. His comments clicked, I couldn't argue them, and it was a turning point for me. It was a hard pill to swallow, but I did and finally moved forward with my life.

The reason I have come to blog today is that I noticed a correlation between the aforementioned situation and a work situation. Since most of my life over the past year has been usurped by work, I'm a pretty busy person. I will tell anyone who will listen about how busy I am (see a pattern?) and it is the truth. I currently have 880 items in my email inbox that need sorting/action, I have pages of notes since June 30 that need to be reviewed and logged and possibly acted upon, and I have 4 stacks of paper that are things I need to fix or research, plus phone calls and drop-ins. [881 now].

In my mind, if the issue is not a crisis, I feel it is most important to address the oldest issues first because they have been waiting the longest. Others do not share this opinion. They know how busy I am, and have even repeated it back to me, but they've gone beyond the point of caring. They have now emailed another person in my department (who will only end up bringing the issue to me anyway) and copied my boss. The copying of my boss is what irks me to no end. A lot of people subscribe to the belief that if the boss is copied, the work will get done faster, when, in actuality, it's a guaranteed way to piss me off and put your issues on the bottom of my list. It feels childish and immature, like they have to tattle on you that you're not getting your job done. Given this and a second email sent to someone else in my department (but not cc'd to my boss that time), I can only assume that caring time is over and this person just wants answers.

Yeah? Well so do the other 1000 issues I have sitting around me right now. It's a bit overwhelming at times, actually. The sad part is, despite all of the overtime I have already worked, it's going to take more overtime to dig myself out of this hole. [882].

So, now I am stuck dealing with this issue because my boss was copied, achieving the opposite signal I want to send because, ultimately, it affects a third party. I know what my boss will say, I know what this co-worker will say, I can play it all out in my head. The least painful method to me is to just get it done and move forward.

Caring has a shelf life, and it expired today. It sucks, but nobody cares anymore. Just shut up and get some more work done, will ya? Geesh.

Truth be told

As children, we're taught that telling the truth is a golden rule, something that should always be followed. As adults, we know that in practice, this doesn't always work out. "Little white lies" to "spare feelings" happen often. "Of course your baby is beautiful." "I don't mind pet snakes at all." "I love mayo on my sandwich." Little lies like this that avoid the truth, but spare the feelings of the other person, seem to become a necessity when you're an adult.

I am a horrible liar. Knowing this, I usually try and stick to the truth in situations where I don't have to pretend to like pickles on my sandwich. Recently, I went to visit family without my husband along. He was out of town at the time playing Dungeons & Dragons. When a relative asked me where he was, I simply stated he was gaming with friends. When pressed about what game he was playing, I told the truth. She gasped, and then didn't continue our conversation. Being a born-again Christian, I understood what that gasp meant: she subscribed to the belief that DnD is somehow evil.

Following this incident, we were at a family dinner, where my husband noted that the relative did not speak to him or even acknowledge his presence. I did not notice this, as there were a lot of people in the room, but I think he felt he received the cold shoulder and different treatment than he had received from her in the past.

Is this relative is treating my husband poorly based on her misguided beliefs that DnD is somehow evil? My husband is not prone to psychotic breaks or mental issues. He has a firm grasp of reality and is not a Satan-worshiper. In fact, his characters in the game are usually heroes. He also plays video games in which he creates various superheroes and fights the bad guys. He loves comic books and his favorite character is Superman -- the consummate hero. How can this possibly be misconstrued as evil? Do people really still believe that a board game is inherently evil and or people do bad things because a TV-movie told them so?

It just ends up making me feel like I should have lied and said "Scrabble". Sometimes the truth just isn't worth it, and that is a shame. The world could use more truth.

Curbside: nah, that's too easy

Change is a-comin' to the way we sort our recycling in my city. This doesn't help the problem of hundreds of cars all driving to drop off recycling, increasing pollution. We need curbside recycling, which has been proven to be the most effective for participation, and with trucks already rolling on garbage & compost, creates less pollution overall. Saint John takes the stupid route over & over again, and frankly, it's depressing.

My life is work, and work is my life, at least for now

Either way, no vacation.

Work is pretty much all I am doing at the moment, even in the evenings. I'm 3 weeks away from our go live date on the new software. I'm pretty stressed out, but I did manage to sneak away tonight to see Star Trek.

I did not have a good week in Halifax last week. Training did not go as well as hoped. I also managed to leave my purse behind on the last day of training. The people running the training center had to go to Truro on Friday, so they took my purse with them, knowing I'd be coming through Truro on my way home. Only problem with that was that I had less than $5 on me. I had enough to cross the Mackay Bridge and back to visit one of my stores. Luckily I wasn't very hungry and made it to Truro by lunchtime.

While in Halifax, I met up with Cyn. We had our usual driving adventures (fitting for the anniversary of the Van Man incident) which included ignoring the GPS in favor of Cyn's directions, only for her to realize that she usually comes from the other direction. Funny thing: the GPS liked to pronounce Halifax as "Hellyfax". Fitting.

So, I got the heck out of Dodge on Friday. My "luck" continued on Saturday when I drove to Calais to get my mother's day present. I ordered it in plenty of time, and checked the online shipping status on Tuesday night. It had already reached Maine, so I knew it would be in Calais in plenty of time for Saturday. John's DnD session was canceled, so he drove down with me. We arrived at the hardware store to find out that my package wasn't there, even though I asked twice, the guy insisted UPS didn't come until Monday. Er, ok. Drove home, checked the internet. It had been there since Wednesday. GRRRR. Now what do I do? Drive down Sunday morning, after having driven a lot the last 2 days? In the end, I rearranged my day so that I didn't exhaust myself, didn't rush my time with Mum, and still managed to see a friend's new house. I did have to sacrifice my plan to see Star Trek with friends that day, but that was the one thing I could reschedule. John drove to down to Calais today and got the wreath, so now I just need to get it to my mother. I haven't opened the box, scared to after the luck I had last weekend!

I left work "early" and was able to see Star Trek with John tonight. It was very entertaining, and I did enjoy myself, but I was left with a sense of disappointment. I am a longtime fan of the original series (TOS), and I felt annoyed that the writers re-wrote history. Spock's mother didn't die, she and Sarek visited the Enterprise in TOS. Capt Pike was totally messed up and could only beep "yes" or "no" in his wheelchair. These people didn't go through Starfleet Academy together. As a fan of TOS, it is very hard to set aside things you know not to be true. For those who don't know much about TOS, I am sure you enjoyed it much more thoroughly than I did. I'm torn because I did enjoy the movie, but think they could have done a movie with these characters that did not involve time travel and did not rewrite history. John is rubbing off on me with his dislike of time travel as a plot device.

I loved the cast. Everyone was very well cast, and I particularly enjoyed Karl Urban as Bones. Chris Pine was great as Kirk, he didn't do a Shatner impersonation, but I felt kept the essence of Kirk and made it his own. His final lines to Bones had just that right intonation that you felt you were hearing the same character.

Time to break out TOS DVDs again.

Frustrating

I am trying to knit a gift for a work friend, and I have managed to screw it up 4 times:

1. Didn't leave enough yarn to cast on all stitches
2. Dropped a stitch after 1st round and couldn't recover
3. Finally got the first section done, only to screw up after misreading the pattern, undid the 2.5 rows back down to the start of the second section
4. Followed the pattern correctly this time, only to screw it up again

At that point, I decided to put it down as I felt pretty incompetent.

After that, I managed to totally ignore the beets cooking on the stove to the point where it created a giant red mess everywhere and started to burn. My mother managed to save the pot for me, thankfully.

I realize that I suffer from perfectionism, but I just feel totally incompetent today. It's stressful cooking a meal for my mother and not having everything turn out the way I want it to. Yes, she's done it a zillion times and has likely made her share of mistakes, but that's not the point. I should be capable of remembering that something boiling for over an hour may need to have more water added. This led to me being tired & grumpy during Easter dinner.

What I am ultimately tired & grumpy about, other than a couple of failed attempts today, is that my long weekend has come to a close. I could really use another day (or week, or two, or three) off from work, but I just can't do that right now. I feel like a slave to my job. I'm on tap to go to Halifax for 2 weeks to observe training. I hate Halifax, so that's also making me very cranky. I do not want to go, but I don't have a choice; I was volun-told.

The hardest part is knowing that the worst is yet to come with this work project. Trying to get everyone on board may lead to me going to the nuthouse. I will be so glad when this is over.

Behind the [tech] times

Tech consumers frustrated by Canadian roadblocks (cbc.ca)

I feel like a "digital peasant" a lot. Even last night, I watched my husband sigh out loud at yet another site that denied him access because he's in Canada. I know he feels like he's sacrificed a lot tech-wise to move here, and he also understands how frustrating it is for me to be consistently denied things I'd like to pay to access but still cannot.

The Leno Effect

I have been following the news regarding Jay Leno's new fall show and NBC's fall format. Leno will be on 5 nights/week, at 10pm Eastern, spelling the end of "drama at 10pm".

I like Leno, but am not a big enough fan to tune in on a regular basis. The Tonight Show is also on at 12:30am here, being 1h ahead of the Eastern time zone. It's not often that I can't sleep, so I rarely am awake to watch his show. On the odd times I happen to catch it, I do enjoy his monologue, headlines, and Jaywalking. I may tune in more often now that he'll be on at a better hour for me, just as I'm heading to bed; sometimes I stop and watch a few minutes of TV before hitting the sack.

NBC is taking a big risk with this format. Will it succeed? I don't think there are enough die-hard Leno fans to keep this show at a viewership level that would be acceptable to NBC. I think the other networks are sitting back, drooling over the 10pm slot, planning to put their best efforts into destroying NBC. Because this is such a big commitment, NBC will let Leno continue for at least half a season before replacing it at midseason. One can only assume/hope that NBC has replacement shows in the wings if this gamble turns out to be a losing effort.

Perhaps the gamble will work and we'll start to see copycats. I'm not totally negative about this situation; any new show that isn't "reality" programming is a welcome relief these days. I've had enough of D-list "stars" dancing, skating, rehabbing, and slobbing their way across my TV screen.

What prompted me to dust off my blog today (in addition to it being Sunday and I actually have time to write) was this article. Since I am in Canada, my local cable company chooses an network affiliate for each US network. A few years ago, we switched from the closest US location (Bangor, ME) to various locations. My FOX comes from Rochester, NY, ABC from Detroit, CBS and NBC from Boston. WHDH is thus my NBC affiliate, and if it chooses not to carry the new Leno, the first question that came to mind is whether my cable company will give me a new NBC feed. It is the responsibility of my cable company to provide me with a US network feed that provides network programming, and if this station does not do so, will Rogers make a change?

Back when all of our networks were Bangor affiliates, the broadcast signal was unreliable and crappy at best. NBC was station to stay on the longest, but the signal reliability was so bad that eventually that station also had to be replaced with a more reliable signal. With the recent US change to all-digital programming, that is no longer an issue. I have to wonder: will we get a Bangor station back on the air in this area?

I missed having a US network affiliate that was closer to my geographic location. Though I don't live in Bangor, their news and advertisements are sometimes relevant because I visit there on a semi-regular basis. Perhaps the station has a news story about Calais, or an advertisment for a new store in Bangor that will make me want to drive 3h to shop. And don't discount the humor that comes from the "downeast" commercials from businesses such as Hammond Lumber. I may never drive to Bangor for a hardware store, but "ham and cheese, ham and eggs, Hammond Lumber" always gets stuck in my head.

John is starting to rub off on me as I am now contemplating a letter to Rogers Cable, asking if it plans on providing me with network programming and thus switching my Boston affiliate to another area, preferably Bangor. Will I actually do this? Probably not, as I don't have a lot of time on my hands, and it is a fruitless effort to try and contact Rogers about anything. But it's an interesting idea and question.

It will be a bad decision if NBC "punishes" WHDH. The station should continue with their news plan, and if viewers want Leno, they'll pummel the station with requests to the point where the station will have to make the change. Or, if Leno's show sucks and NBC pulls it anyway, at least WHDH has come up with a plan and they will be the one station in that area to have news programming during that timeslot.